If you're heard of the mental load that's pretty much how our house runs. Dh doesn't really take responsibility for much. He works 56 hours a week and I understand this is tiring but he uses it as an excuse for not doing much else. Apart from a hobby he has taken up this year that takes him out of the house all day on his days off and sometimes overnight too.
Anyway we have just recently moved house and, although dh did so most of the clearing out in the old house (it had to be stripped back carpets lifted etc), he didn't do anything much in the new house.
My dad had to come up and do all the diy/heavy lifting stuff that I couldn't do on my own. And my dad also have dh a loan of a tool and dh mistreated it and broke it.
Being on my own with the dcs and the move and I also had a research paper due and an exam. It took it's toll on me and I ended up unwell and extremely stressed.
My dad was just so angry at dh for leaving me with everything and for not taking care of his stuff. Now... that part I think he was a bit ott my dad is very particular about his things and normally I don't really like to borrow anything from him because if it doesn't come back in perfect condition he cracks up. .
However, the other part I agree with him.. maybe it's none of his business and definitely there could have been more tact involved, but I understand where my dad was coming from. I was a mess and my dad was worried about me. If it wasn't for him I would have had no way to wash our clothes or cook food for the dcs.
So anyway, dh is raging and said I should have backed him up. I said if I thought my dad was out of order I would have but the only thing I think was wrong was the way he went about it. We had a massive row but it fizzled out nothing got resolved but the row died out.
Anyway a week passed and nothing more was said about it then I mentioned Christmas we always go to my mum and dad's. Dh said he's not going he wont go because of my dad.
It was playing on my mind today so I text him and said we shouldn't be spending Christmas apart and that he should go see my dad and sort things out. How would the dcs feel if dh ducked off on Christmas?
He said he's not going to see him and he can't believe I'm not backing him up. I repeated the above about agreeing with him but not how he went about it and that he should be putting his own pride in front of the dcs and their Christmas. Dh said well if that's how I feel he's not spending Christmas with any of us. I assume that also includes the dcs.
I don't know what to do he's not due in from work until after 10pm I think he's going to say if I don't back him about against my dad we are done.