The man who disappeared part 2

[Carrotgirl999]

Sorry, I don't know if I need a new thread, as it will probably be me just wallowing / getting angry / getting sad. But thought I'd better anyways

At least I can tell you all when his stuffs gone and the chapter is completely closed.

I am so fucking shocked by all this I truly am. And il have to sit my son down tonight and tell him.

Cowardly cowardly bastard.

Carrot you are not only a truly awesome woman you are a most fabulous role model for women for your lovely thoughtful kind son. Little as he is he will remember you being strong and dignified. I feel sure he has subconsciously learned the way the Spineless bastard treated you is no way to treat a woman and feel sure your son will never act like him towards a woman in the future - so good for you. Keep strong and know you have done the right thing. What a present the ow is getting for the festive season!

He comes with a cast iron guarantee and certificate that he is a completely unreliable spineless waste of space - a good catch eh? until he does a runner again - which he most certainly will do. He has now acted in this totally reckless way twice and as he is completely without a moral compass he won’t give any thoughts on doing it again and again. I just wish you could have Connie Francis singing in the background when the slime ball turns up - “Whose sorry now?” Stay strong Carrot and know you and your lovely boy will both go together into happier slime free times in 2018!

Carrot you really, truly are too good for him and I am glad you get to move on now to better things. He is absolutley pathetic and gutless, not to mention self destructive. I am sure his family are disappointed to see him lose a great thing and get back with someone who sounds about as dysfunctional as himself, but you know, that is what he deserves. You sound awesome and much much too good to be wasted on him. I know it hurts, and there will be ups and downs, but you are right, you will be ok, better than ok. Your son is lovely, you've done a great job there.

Ps I heard a good revenge story from someone whose ex husband was cheating while away on trips, she replaced the Viagra he took with him with muscle relaxants.

@ADishBestEatenCold Spot on about the niggles, I said the same. It'll be so annoying for both of them especially him because he gave up OP to be with her and it will drive him mad comparing relationships every time something pisses him off.

I feel sorry for the daughter having to watch their dysfunctional relationship play out. 🤔

OP, I lurked on your other thread with that familiar feeling in my stomach, that deep pit of fear, because I have been in your shoes. He used to disappear, one night all night, the terror I felt sat up all night (people who love you don't do that to you). He finally walked out for the woman he had cheated with over years of our marriage, mainly because her husband was killed and the path was clear. They did not hang about. Frankly, we are well rid. I am absolutely sure this relationship hasn't turned out as he planned and I am sure he has many regrets. However, I am glad he's gone. Nobody deserves to live with that amount of uncertainty and total lack of regard for your feelings.

You have shown astonishing strength, I think the way you have dealt with this has been amazing and you will come out the other side stronger and better for it. Look at that lovely young man you have brought up! He is how he is because of you!

I wish you an amazing, happy future and I am absolutely sure your fuckwit of an ex will get exactly what he deserves. The wanker.

Someone told me years ago that living well was the best revenge, and I've always found that to be true.

However I do really like the toothbrush and shoe idea.

You are an inspiration x

OP you are incredible, and your son sounds beautiful.

Don’t be that toothbrush woman. Please , don’t lower yourself.

Your son sounds lovely

It sounds as though you’ve taught your son well. I’m glad he has decided to ignore the message. I actually don’t thinks think it’s terribly appropriate to be messaging the apology to him. It should have been sent through you to ensure you are together to read it. But no, saving face is more important for him than the well-being of your child and shows how immature and spineless he is.

What I can't believe is that she did t even finish with current bf before trying to get him back. Seriously when the dust settles on this he's going to think omg what have I done. That's the revenge. You've carried yourself so well. If you held your head any higher you'd be bumping into things.

So, more of an update. He text at 3am to say, he can't get his things today, not at 10, as the trains etc would take too long and to bare with him until he can get a lift?!

I said no. I pointed out there is far too much to take on a train, he said he will have to bring someone then.

I said no, if he's having people here then I will have people here too, as it's not on.

I got more bullshit about 'what can I do, 7 years with her, 7, we've always been this way, id never get over her I wasn't truly happy' blah blah.

And he's worrying as he doesn't even have underwear for the weekend?!?

I said I can't believe you are worried about UNDERWEAR. After all this. Not so much as a hope you're ok.

Last message said il come tomorrow.

But now I don't know if he's
Coming this morning and to go out?! Or if he's bringing people later in the day?!

I told him point blank DO NOT come while my son is home and DO NOT bring her here. I don't know if he will listen.

What do I do today?

Ps I didn't do the toothbrush thing. Was a nice thought tho.

Self absorbed twat. Keep that anger going op x

The daughter is not his, she has two, has lost custody of one.

This is one of the things they used to argue about as he says her parenting is questionable and she would never listen to him about being firmer. Since he left she lost her daughter, who was expelled from school and went to her dads. I think drugs are involved there.

Part of her sob story was she lost him and her and is depressed cries to sleep every night etc.

Tugged on heart strings good and proper.

Think I'm having a fucking panic attack. God, what if he brings her here.

Either stay in or have someone be there. Def don't have him there unsupervised! Though if you said no and he's any kind of a human being he will honour that. Maybe text again to confirm that he should not come over without a pre-arranged time so you know exactly when he'll be there. Then leave all his stuff outside, as you said it's pretty secure. There is no reason for him to ever be inside again.
You are handling this so well!

I know we can't see the tears, which are inevitable, but you've not put a foot wrong. The frustrating thing is only time will make you feel better. I was dumped by text after 10 months the day we were going on holiday together (I had paid - he was going to pay expenses while away, never saw him or money again!). I was devastated but him being so spineless and cowardly did help as it reminded me he was not the right person. Hopefully the same will be true for you - lucky escape! I was up and down for a few months but gradually felt better with every passing week. It's so true that time is a healer. I had a couple of fun flings a few months down the line then met my now husband about 11 months later... it really will all be for the best

God she sounds like a catch!! What a flakey disfunctional pair.

They deserve each other. What does he think? That she will suddenly change and become a fantastic parent and the three of them will skip off into the glorious sunset?!

They had major problems, hence they kept splitting. He is going to enjoy more of the same whole you go on to better things OP. Head high, heart strong. Xxx

Get a mate or your Mum round just incase, he can't say anything it's your flat and he's the one in the wrong anyway! I would give him a time to pick his stuff up by or it's going outside.

Part of her sob story was she lost him and her and is depressed cries to sleep every night etc.
Tugged on heart strings good and proper.

OP please don't engage with his stories about this woman. You sound like you're redirecting your anger towards her. This man wasn't dragged kicking and screaming from your home.

If it was me I would go out. You have already said he is not a thief. I would not want to face him. Ask him to tell you when he's gone. Others obviously disagree with this so only you can really decide. Good luck, this is your last difficult hurdle then it will get slowly better.

Leave his stuff outside the flat and keep your flat door closed. You don't need to see or speak to him. Or her.

She sounds like a right catch You on the other hand sound awesome .

Do you have someone that can come over and be with you? Don’t be in the house by yourself when he comes, but I wouldn’t leave if I thought he might bring her.

He is a total douche, and you are truly wonderful. Well done

He needs to go inside to leave me the keys. He can't post them as it's a communal type letterbox and the key for the letterbox is on the keys. Ironically.

I'm thinking il go out 9-2.30. My son is due back at 3. If his stuff is still here then il rethink the situation but hopefully he will have been and gone by then and I can think of this as all over.

If you think he might come with her do not leave him to it. If you can't face it get someone else over to supervise.

I know you think you can trust him, but you really can't. Especially if he is being encouraged by her. Can you stay at home today, and have someone come to support you. Or tomorrow if necessary.

Or could his family take his stuff away to help you out? Up to them what they do with it, they can just hold on to it.

It was inevitable that he'd try offloading all his angst and guilt on to you. He is telling you about her and his need to go go back because he wants you to make him feel better. Selfish twat.

I would leave everything outside the front door to the flat. I probably would stay home, I wouldn't trust him not to let himself in.