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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The man who disappeared part 2

385 replies

Carrotgirl999 · 07/12/2017 17:15

Sorry, I don't know if I need a new thread, as it will probably be me just wallowing / getting angry / getting sad. But thought I'd better anyways

At least I can tell you all when his stuffs gone and the chapter is completely closed.

I am so fucking shocked by all this I truly am. And il have to sit my son down tonight and tell him.

Cowardly cowardly bastard.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 08/12/2017 09:21

I agree you can't trust him. You thought you could and look what happened.

I'm not saying he'd steal your stuff, but what he WILL do is bring her to your house and then whine 'But I had no choice, that's the only person I had to help me, you wanted the stuff out, it was the only solution.'

So while he is hoofing stuff out the door she'll be wandering around fingering your things and maybe taking a momento or two.

I am sure you are out by now so I hope it's all ok, if there is any option to contact someone to ask them to go over and be there for the time you are out I would take it.

MiniHeroes · 08/12/2017 09:22

You. Are. Awesome Smile

FizzyGreenWater · 08/12/2017 09:27

She sounds an absolute bottom feeder by the way. Which means that he is too... you never knew this guy.

I feel sorry for him, I really do - these people who have so little about them that they just float around being influenced by whatever's currently happening, changing like the wind, too weak to even understand how to have some belief in themselves and how to stay true to the way they'd like their lives to pan out. He's walked back like a sheep into a situation that he's had 7 years to explore and decided it wasn't making him happy. So he knows, even now, at some level he's swapping a happy life for a shit one. With a person he doesn't love - he has no idea what that means - he's just enmeshed with a manipulator. Grim. '7 years with her, 7' - the answer to that from anyone with a healthy emotional state is 'Exactly - so you know without a shadow of a doubt that that relationship is toxic, you have already wasted 7 years finding that out.'

Relationships like that are a car crash - when two stunted people get together. Urgh. He'll be off and on with her for the rest of his life wondering why he's miserable.

Mxyzptlk · 08/12/2017 09:28

Asking his family to take his stuff and get the keys for you wouldn't be so it would enable him. It would be to help you.

I hope it goes well today but, if not, do ask them to at least get the keys for you.

(He can do without his underpants, toothbrush and passport. That's what he did before, after all.)

whatkatydidnext1 · 08/12/2017 09:29

God she sounds like a dream. Car crash written all over it.

bellsandwhistles89 · 08/12/2017 09:31

Just caught up this morning.

I hope it all goes well today and I am sorry that he is turning out to be a weak and selfish man.

You deserve so much better, can we be friends cos you sound bloody awesome.

JonSnowsHair · 08/12/2017 09:32

This woman sounds like an absolute scrote. She is welcome to him and by the sounds of it he has massively downgraded.

Yes to not letting him in the flat and asking his brother/other family member to come and collect the stuff.

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 08/12/2017 09:33

Iv spoken to my friend, thinking I'm taking the stuff to his mums this morning and collecting my key, letting her do the handover for me. Only thing is I don't know if he's there, or more importantly if the key is.

I'd be happy to take the key from his brother and not have to face him but if he's got it with him it'd be a waste of time. So Iv txt, saying I need his stuff out, il deliver it, if you wanna leave the key for me with brother that's good but let me know that you've done that so I can get this over with.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 08/12/2017 09:35

Tbf I need as many friends as I can get right now. Anyone in Yorkshire. West Yorkshire to be precise that makes a good coffee, can manage a night at the pub now and again, and swears and likes to hear people moan over and over give me a shout 😂

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 08/12/2017 09:38

Good thinking, Carrot. Flowers

Original poster
Carrotgirl999 · 08/12/2017 09:39

I just need to take some control I think and this is one thing I can do. One little bit of control I can take.

OP posts:
steamboatwilly123 · 08/12/2017 09:44

I've read all your other thread and this one and just wanted to say you are handling this in a very dignified way ( I would have burned his stuff in a bonfire by now.....I'm not known for keeping a level head). It's his loss and he's an arse that will be left with no one eventually when it all fritters out. Keep strong and don't let him back in your life again as he will come running to you when it all falls apart with her. Flowers

FizzyGreenWater · 08/12/2017 09:48

Sounds like a good plan.

Yes, this isn't enabling him, it's moving HIM round the chessboard so you get what you want, rather than having him be in the driving seat.

DollyLlama · 08/12/2017 09:50

Your attitude is amazing Carrot! I wish you and your son all the best without that POS in your life Flowers

Frazzled2207 · 08/12/2017 10:13

I think you're handling this brilliantly. I'm pleased you have your son with you, he sounds amazing and a credit to you.

annielouise · 08/12/2017 10:37

He sounds like he's someone that can't settle. He walked out on his ex so quickly and did the same to you. Problem is he's going back to his ex and after the honeymoon phase, which won't last long as they've been there before, the same old grudges and grievances will rear their ugly head. And he has a lot of problems with her - she cheated on him and he thinks her parenting is rubbish. Plus he's got another child to get used to in a smaller place (I think you said). Doesn't sound like a recipe for happy ever after.

I know it's hard as you thought he loved you and he'd moved on from his ex. But what he's done shows he hasn't changed and probably never will so long term you're better off without him. You now have the chance to meet someone else that's more stable. The job in the wine bar sounds a good idea. Keep busy. I found the best way to get over someone was to go on holiday. It really helped me to get over that wrench quickly.

BoredOnMatLeave · 08/12/2017 10:40

I've just read this and your previous thread and just wanted to say how amazing you have been.

For those times when you will feel down please remember this man is:

-32 with no means of his own transport or a stable career (seeing has he can just leave with no problems)

  • Will chose a cheater who he thinks is a bad parent over a woman like you who is loyal, strong and a great parent.
  • Thinks it is ok to treat a woman and their child like this, just leaving with no word and using her as a rebound.
  • Would get a tattoo of a womans named he has been with 6 months when he is "still in love" with cheater jealous cow.

What a fucking catch. You will find so much better Flowers

bluebells1 · 08/12/2017 11:02

OP I think you dodged a bullet here. What a twat and a loser he is!! Maybe he deserves the other shitty woman. That will be punishment enough. You have been Kind, understanding, loyal, graceful and brave. Hold you head very high! Flowers

bluesky9 · 08/12/2017 11:02

I can do all of the above carrot though odd nights out may be difficult! Coffee and chat, laughs etc I can do!Smile

Gemini69 · 08/12/2017 11:37

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This actually means that blood shed in battle bonds soldiers more strongly than simple genetics. Although we commonly use it to suggest the strength of family ties, it doesn't refer to family at all

You're doing great Lady... well done Flowers

p.s. I FLIPPIN LOVE THAT HE HAS A TATTOO Grin

AhhhhThatsBass · 08/12/2017 11:38

As well as the ex's family, you also have over 1000+ strangers on the internet who also have your back and are rooting for you. Every single one of us.
Today will be a hard but once you dump his stuff, you can concentrate on getting on with your life.

Totally agree with a pp who said that the best revenge is living well. Although I was amused by the substituting Viagra with muscle relaxant.

As an aside, a colleague just told me of another revenge story, the ex got drunk and passed out and the jilted girlfriend put a condom up his bum

PNGirl · 08/12/2017 11:41

Ugh. Pathetic. Like 7 years with 3 breakups is some epic love story. Think Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are more functional than that.

I hope he gets penis rot.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 08/12/2017 11:59

Wishing you all strength and gracious steeliness today Carrot.

purplepingu · 08/12/2017 12:04

I'm South Yorkshire Carrot, feel free to PM me

purplepingu · 08/12/2017 12:04

And I can make good coffee!

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