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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh told me I should go on a diet

135 replies

honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 02/12/2017 22:30

I am quite hurt by it. For context I am not overweight. But he has been making unpleasant remarks about my body for a while now and I have said to him that just before Christmas is probably not the best time to be going on about it.

Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
DamsonGin · 03/12/2017 13:02

And I think your friend is right, and would be a good one to listen to in real life.

There's a thread that lives at the top of the Relationships board, have you read it?

DearMrDilkington · 03/12/2017 13:10

If I was you, I'd get rid of him and I'd be very very wary of him having dd unsupervised, his going to do exactly the same thing to her.

DamsonGin · 03/12/2017 13:33

Did you meet when you were anorexic?

HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/12/2017 13:39

Ok so he wants you anxious, ill and confidence at rock-bottom. This is not a man you should be thinking of staying with much longer

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/12/2017 13:51

I think expatinscotland and bluntness's advice is spot on. Your husband is deeply unpleasant and is trying to control you with emotional abuse. What he is saying is untrue and unkind, and bringing your DD into the emotional abuse is also abusive towards your DD.

TiredOfThisAll · 03/12/2017 14:35

Your friend is right, I think, and it is unacceptable that he is bringing your DD into this.

Original poster
honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 03/12/2017 14:37

I really appreciate you all replying, I have no one to talk to here everyone thinks he is the perfect husband

I was anorexic when we met. It wasn't a good time.

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 03/12/2017 14:49

He's essentially telling you he preferred you when you had an eating disorder. Is that someone you want to be with?

DamsonGin · 03/12/2017 15:26

I have no experience of eating disorders but it would make me wonder what the dynamics of your relationship were back then, and if he's trying to reinforce that if you're now healthier and stronger. I can imagine you might have been quite vulnerable at the time.

(Should you ever need it, I've noticed there is an Eating Disorders board under Health)

Original poster
honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 03/12/2017 15:30

My friend said that as well, that he probably preferred me vulnerable. Don't know what to think. She doesn't like him ... thanks for the ed link. It can be a bit triggering but thanks.

OP posts:
SchnitzelVonKrumm · 03/12/2017 15:45

Shock at bringing your DD into it. Does he want her to be anorexic too? He’s horrible.

MostPeopleAreCunts · 03/12/2017 16:06

My friend said that as well, that he probably preferred me vulnerable. Don't know what to think.

Your friend sounds to me like she has her head screwed on right and your best interests at heart. Listen to her!!

She doesn't like him.

That's because she can see what a vicious, manipulative cunt he is. I don't know many decent people who would like someone who tells a person with a history of anorexia that they should go on a diet. Angry Get him the fuck out of your life and keep a close eye on what poisonous attitudes he tries to infect your daughter with.

FurryLittleTwerp · 03/12/2017 16:09

What 2yo is going to say mummy doesn't look pretty in a picture? I bet he didn't show her an up-to-date picture for comparison.

He is a controlling arse.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 03/12/2017 16:25

I had a feeling you were going to write that you’d been anorexic. I read a post here years ago with the same thing occurring. She’d got to a healthy weight and he started undermining.
You’re healthy and well. He isn’t. He’s trying to damage you (and your DD) and it’s shocking. Please stick to your guns and do your course.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 03/12/2017 16:38

The amount of courage and character you have to have to recover, and luck, and he’s attempting to sabotage you. What’s wrong with him?

Maria1982 · 03/12/2017 17:04

Listen to your friend and to your own inner self - you know you are healthier now.

Bringing your daughter into it is horrible. Really extra horrible.

Original poster
honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 03/12/2017 17:16

I'm really unhappy about it but I feel as if I'm overreacting. He looks at me sometimes in a way that's as if he's disgusted with me, but is that my imagination? I don't know.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 03/12/2017 17:17

He preferred you when you were ill from a disease that takes the lives of many every single year. That’s not nice and it’s not normal.

He’s telling you something and you should listen. He’s a bully with a very nasty streak.

MatildaTheCat · 03/12/2017 17:18

I honestly suspect you are not overreacting at all. Don’t ignore your instincts on this.

Can you go and stay with your friend for a while with your DD? He sounds really, really horrible.

TiredOfThisAll · 03/12/2017 17:26

It won’t be your imagination, his behaviour sounds wrong on so many levels. I think it is good that you recognise it is not right, and I think that if you stay with him, there is a danger that you will start doubting yourself even more than you already are.

Your DC are young, I think, you have a great chance with college and it sounds like you have your health back. He should be happy for you, not trying to sabotage you.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 03/12/2017 17:28

I can understand that you question whether you’re being over-sensitive. So the nasty looks you think you see might be you worrying. But he states, out loud, that he doesn’t like your body. Your body! (The one you actively made well again so you could have his child.) He’s actually telling you to diet. It’s not you being sensitive. It’s him being a bit of a monster.

DamsonGin · 03/12/2017 18:00

I don't think you're being oversensitive. I think you started this thread because you know things aren't right, and your friend has said what she's said because she sees it too.

Then I had children and I needed to be healthy for them

This is really important and what you need to hang on to, and if someone or something is threatening that then I think you need to consider long and hard what you're going to do to protect yourself.

Original poster
honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 03/12/2017 19:39

Thanks. Have had a bit of a cry about it all. I know what you're all saying but I don't want to know it.

OP posts:
DamsonGin · 03/12/2017 20:09
Flowers
GetMeOutOfHerePlease · 03/12/2017 20:55

Can it be, the healthier you get, the more confident you get and possibly that as you look healthy, you’ll get compliments and he’s not keen on this? Is it about wanting you back vulnerable so he has more control?

I’ve also recently gained weight after being very underweight, mine was an undiagnosed medical issue I’ve gone from six stone to eight in a few mins this since treatment started, I’m my normal size now. Dh has laughed at my size but nit i a nasty way. Like yesterday I put my joggers on and they were way too tight, I went downstairs to jokingly ask if my bum looked big and as I turned the jiggers arse seam ripped open and we both creased up laughing.

Dh is very very happy I’m no longer underweight, he’s so relieved I’m getting well again after watching me be so poorly for the last few years. No way would he want me poorly again and even if he did find me more attractive when I was underweight, he’d never ever ever pressure me into starving myself to look like that again. He wants me alive, healthy and happy.

It’s also very worrying he’s comparing you unwell self to healthy self and teaching your dd that underweight equals pretty. Does he want her to develop an eating disorder too? To be vulnerable and making herself ill to look pretty for a man? Cos that’s what he is teaching her with his shitty comments.