Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh told me I should go on a diet

135 replies

honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 02/12/2017 22:30

I am quite hurt by it. For context I am not overweight. But he has been making unpleasant remarks about my body for a while now and I have said to him that just before Christmas is probably not the best time to be going on about it.

Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 03/12/2017 08:12

Diet isn't just about weigtloss though. In what context did he say it. Is he really into healthy nutrition? Have you had any health scares? Are you 3 foot tall so massively obese at 9.5 stone? Or is he actually just a mean controlling ass with a penchant for a super skinny wife? If it's the latter it's bang out of order but I can't believe any decent dh would just say that would being a cock in other ways. However, I would have absolutley no qualms about telling dh he needed to diet if there were valid reasons why I thought he needed to.

Cleavergreene · 03/12/2017 08:14

her

Thanks for letting me know what I can and cannot post.

OhNoOhNo · 03/12/2017 08:16

Go on a diet at 9.5 stone?

What a twat. What do you see in him? I hope he's built like greek God at least as he feels entitled to judge you?

OhNoOhNo · 03/12/2017 08:20

Cleaver - are you male?

JumpingGiraffe · 03/12/2017 08:23

OP, if he's saying that because he prefers you to be an unhealthy skinny weight then that's not on. Your weight is your decision and if you're happy with it now (and it sounds like you are) then stick with it.

How is he when you say you're happy as you are? And does he tend to day things or be controlling in other ways?

Cleavergreene · 03/12/2017 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Humpsfor20yards · 03/12/2017 08:26

But he has been making unpleasant remarks about my body for a while now

He's a shit. how long has he been putting you down? Can you work out what it's really about?

OhNoOhNo · 03/12/2017 08:29

OP, with cleaver's last post, I think you can safely discount anything he this person has to say

TheStoic · 03/12/2017 08:32

Letting know them upfront? You serious?

Oh dear Cleaver...is this a rhetorical question too? Your last one wasn’t, so I don’t know if you know what that word means.

Yes, you do need to let your partner know if your commitment to them is based on their looks. They should have the right to decide whether they still want to be with you knowing that if their looks change, so may your commitment to them.

Kr1st1na · 03/12/2017 08:33

OP can you say more about why you were two stone underweight ? Did you have an ED or other health problem?

Are you and your doctor happy with your weight now ?

Apart from the weight issues, how is your relationship generally with your DH?

TroysMammy · 03/12/2017 08:33

I'm just under 9 stone but only 5ft. I have a round belly, my boobs are 34E and sitting down I look like a little fat Buddha. I eat healthy ish but I hate exercise so I look overweight. I'might not the skinny Minnie I was in my 20's. Is he clumsily confusing out of shape with overweight?

SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs · 03/12/2017 08:39

he has been making unpleasant remarks about my body
Really? That's really outrageous. If you wouldn't put up with your friend saying it to you, you shouldn't accept your DH doing it. Your DH is being rude and nasty, and should apologise ffs!

TiredOfThisAll · 03/12/2017 08:41

That is shit, OP.

I have been underweight as a result of an eating disorder. I am now a healthy weight for my height (but feel fat). I am sticking with the healthy weight as best I can, eating a healthy diet and exercising properly 4-5 times a week. I feel a lot better physically, my skin looks better and my hair is thick again.

My ex used to comment on my ‘fatter’ body, he liked me underweight and would happily prepare me carrots, and negatively comment on less healthy alternatives and police my food intake. It was not kindness, but control.

Your body, weight and overall health is between you and your GP. Does your DH understand that you were underweight before?

Cleavergreene · 03/12/2017 08:43

Stoic by name, stoic by nature, I would hazard a guess. For the best, I’m sure.

TheStoic · 03/12/2017 08:47

Stoic by name, stoic by nature, I would hazard a guess. For the best, I’m sure.

Oh it definitely helps in certain situations.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/12/2017 08:49

Ah anyone who says “the ladies” can be safely ignored

HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/12/2017 08:52

OP my H and I do talk about our weight and eating etc - in my case because I have a history of ED and we both want me to be healthy, and in his case because he complains when his belts start getting too tight but I can never tell the difference in looking at him! But we do it kindly and it is led by the person whose body is being discussed.

His unpleasant remarks about your body are big red flags

TakeThatFuckingDressOffNow · 03/12/2017 08:55

This is totally not OK.

I would guess that this is not something isolated, to make negative comments about your body is a way of him showing you what kind of person he really is. He has no respect for you or your feelings. This will only get worse and worse.

Original poster
honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 03/12/2017 09:59

My friend thinks he feels threatened because I am making plans to go back to college and retrain. He says he is OK with it, though. My friend says he is hoping to knock my confidence down so that I will say I won't go, but wouldn't he just say he didn't want me to do it if that was the case?

He mostly says my clothes are to tight or don't fit and people will laugh if I get out wearing them.

OP posts:
Annelind · 03/12/2017 10:11

He mostly says my clothes are to tight or don't fit and people will laugh if I get out wearing them.

OMG! this is horrible of him, and yes - deliberate confidence assassination. Clearly he feels threatened by the plans for the start of your new life.

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/12/2017 10:20

Similar theme to a recent thread... this is absolutely not alright.
I am mad on your behalf .

MsGameandWatching · 03/12/2017 10:21

The Ladies Grin

Go away cleaver no one is interested in your dull attempts to puppet master the thread.

OP, I don’t really know what to say. I had an ex that didn’t like me when I was wearing my glasses as it meant I was “letting myself go”, I should be contacts and completely made up on a full time basis supposedly. I think such a critical focus on unproblematic physical traits is the sign of a very shallow and not bonded in the relationship individual. I’d be very surprised if this doesn’t keep on happening. It’s already dismantling your relationship because you won’t forget this and will always be fearful of how you are being judged by him.

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/12/2017 10:36

Msgame you have put that perfectly, I totally agree.

Original poster
honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 03/12/2017 10:43

I don't know. It's stressing me out because part of me feels I should lose weight and I feel self conscious eating in front of him now.

OP posts:
Cleavergreene · 03/12/2017 10:43

Honey, I’m sorry for the diversion I took with the other lovely ladies of MN. They’ve realigned me as to the correct order of the world according to MN protocols.

As to your most recent updates, I’m of the belief that interaction with your partner should build on confidence. Interactions should be enhancing experiences. They may be honest and sometimes difficulty, but in the long run they should allow growth both individually and as a couple. I get the feeling that is not going on in your relationship. Both what’s being said and the way it’s being said is actually harming you as an individual.