looks like it's over

[mylittlestar]

well after everything you will have seen so far, and my happiness at dh and i giving our marriage another go, sadly it doesn't look like that is possible anymore.

i've been feeling down the last couple of days and couldn't put my finger on it. thought it was probably a bit of paranoia. the pregnancy scare etc. but looking back dh had also become distant and withdrawn and i think i was picking up on that.

i checked his phone this morning. there was a message in his saved items to the ow. basically said of course i'll get up early to come and take you to work. i'll leave a bit early so we can have a little kiss before we set off...

confronted him. he swore he hadn't been back in touch. then has admitted that after his paranoia that i may have met someone on my work night out last week, he got back in touch with her.
don't really know much more than that and there's no point in asking as i'm not sure i could believe what he tells me anyway.

i had four main reasons for giving things another try. my love for him. the fact that anyone can make a mistake once. the fact that he swore he hated living a double life and would never want to live that way again. and finally, the fact that he said after seeing what he'd put me through, he'd never put me through that again.

just 4 weeks later he has.

to be honest i really don't want to turn this thread into a session to slag dh off. i don't understand his reasons and never will. but i do love him.

i think perhaps it's time to let my head rule my heart and make myself wake up to the fact that he doesn't love me in the same way i love him.

one day he'll realise what he's lost and what he's put me through. and i truly believe that nothing i say or do from this point on will have any impact. it's up to him now.

i've come into work to try and take my mind off it all and calm down. so i'm ok. i'm glad i have MN to get all of this out as this time i do not want one single person in RL to know. i don't want people getting at dh. i don't want people telling me 'i told you so'. i don't really want sympathy.
i'm sick of my life being one big drama after the next. i want to focus on me and ds and i want a happy quiet life filled with love and laughter. if the only way to get that is being alone with ds, then so be it. i'm truly blessed to have him.

so perhaps this thread should be about how i can now move forward without the love of my life and my soul mate....

PC you really don't have to justify your existence at all imo they bloody lucky you even turning up for work bearing in mind what you going through. Do they know ?

MLS she isn't even half the person that you are. Ok her best qualities are she rides and owns two horses

You are a lovely, kind, generous, forgiving person with a lovely ds.

And the bset person award goes to.....

i'd go mental (even more so!) if i got signed off tbh. and coming back everything would be so much worse because no one would do my work while i was off.

when i can knuckle down and get some good work done it really improves my mental state. it gives me a sense of achievement and makes me feel i'm getting something right somewhere. it's just hard to find the motivation when you feel like you're being got at constantly.

i have made one mistake and they're justified in that complaint but not the rest tehy're trying to pin on me. hard to defend yourself when there is one justified point tho.

and one mistake in over 3 years shouldn't be a hanging offence.

unfortunately i become over emotional about it all and they just see this mad bint ranting on about being bullied.

tossers tossers tossers

lilyloo yes they are her best two qualities...

PC Can you not take a coffee break and go out for a walk for half an hour. You sound really emotional and sometimes we can say things we regret in the heat of the moment.
Like you said it's one mistake we are all only human and no one is infallible.

lily, yeah they know the general circumstance but they don't know the current situation.

and they're well aware how long it's been going on so i guess people are starting to think it shouldn't have such a major effect anymore.

also, they have been very very careful to make no reference to personal issues thus allowing them to ignore it.

i did point out that i could've got myself signed off indefinately and done what many others have and gone long term sick. that was when he made reference to the stress levels and what to do if i couldn't handle them.

am in danger of using the C word next......

if i went on my space would i find her ?

yeah just do a search for horse-mad, husband stealing trollope.

sub-search: absolutely no respect for anyone including herself.

sub-sub-search: desperately disillusioned who's only future is shovelling horse shit....... forever!

you could if you knew her first name, age, and where she lives.... as you can search...

have had a look this morning and she's removed the reference to heart broken by married man etc. there's still quite a few of her 'comments' that are out of order though (although she doesn't identify dh specifically thank god!)

pc

pmsl PC that shouldn't be too hard then !

See it's a HE who has been so understanding that figures !

MLS, d'you want some revenge?

Put her on Ebay.

Sell her services to men who are looking for methods of fucking up their lives and the lives of everyone around them.

You could so do this and very anonymously - it'd be brilliant!

I know a lovely person like you wouldn't do it but allow me my vitriolic moment.

19 North west ?

pc I like your style! let me have a think about that...

lilyloo that's 2 out of 3!!

oh well two out of three aint bad, guess she not called ow then ?

Although could be Sarah that seems a common name for the ow

i tried 19 North West Horses but didn't see anythign suitable.

as for the name, puhleeeze!

she's called "ow"

come on MLS give us a wickle clue pleeeease

mls i think your sister sounds fantastic and good for her sticking up for her big sister. Cant believe the ow had the flipping cheek to phone and rant at you for it! Seriously niave child or plain thick as a brick? She flounces off with your dh causes you untold grief and advertises her evilness then gets the hump cos she is told she is a trollop and screams at you for it? im gobsmacked i really am.

Pc you ok? sounds like you need to work off some aggression there! lol seriously i hope your ok?

Lilyloo are all trollops called sarah? The "lesbain" that wont leave my dh alone is called sarah

Mls my son is 17 and gorgeous i could send him to the ow web space and get him playing up to her take her away from you and dh? he doesnt look his age his 6ft and well built just a thought but if she is getting attention from some other guy she might back off from you and dh.

listen to me "pimping" my own son!! his cool he hates cheaters and would happily teach her its not nice to play with others emotions.

i know you and a few others on this site too having probs with women called Sarah !
Although we do have our own exception don't we

pc trollops called sarah are the husband stealers not beautiful intelligent sarahs such as yourself

lol mel! I wouldn't wish her on anyone, let alone even allow your lovely son to even view a picture of her! she's poison!

she had the cheek to say to me last night that she never wanted any of this, that my dh told her they were together forever and she loved him. that it was never a 'seedy affair'.

so i said to her right, so you're telling me that the first time you slept with him in my home, when you saw my wedding photos on the wall and decided to put the wedding picture on the sideboard face-down...
looking around at the home he set up with me...
seeing the photos of our 1 year old baby all around the place...
seeing the wedding ring on his finger...
rushing because you know his wife could have come home and found you at any time...
being unable to call or text him after 6pm...
and not even knowing his age at that point!

that was her definition of true love and committment for the rest of their lives?!?!
and not an affair?!?!

b*llocks!!

And you said 'dream on' love! Don't know why the hell she thiks she deserves sympathy. She is seriously deluded !

what a complete twat! of course it wasnt true love the little tramp wanted what she could get ie fancy hotels and shopping trips. I hope one day she falls in love for real and the rat cheats on her.Harsh maybe but im sorry she does deserve it.She is very niave and definately needs to grow up.Your dh obviously didnt see the bunny boiler in her. But then i dont think he saw a lot in 6 months was blinded by depression and confusion. But im sure he can see again now and will never go " blind" again. Or he'll have us lot to deal with!

lol mel he didn't see the bunny boiler side... til it was too late!

just easy sex and a bit of excitement.

all worth ruining a marriage and two innocent people's lives for... i think not!

got my angry head on today

was sick before too, after torturing myself with thoughts of them both and the selfishness of them not using protection (even though neither of them knew if she had something or not - we get test results in 6 days)

hate everyone today!