looks like it's over

[mylittlestar]

well after everything you will have seen so far, and my happiness at dh and i giving our marriage another go, sadly it doesn't look like that is possible anymore.

i've been feeling down the last couple of days and couldn't put my finger on it. thought it was probably a bit of paranoia. the pregnancy scare etc. but looking back dh had also become distant and withdrawn and i think i was picking up on that.

i checked his phone this morning. there was a message in his saved items to the ow. basically said of course i'll get up early to come and take you to work. i'll leave a bit early so we can have a little kiss before we set off...

confronted him. he swore he hadn't been back in touch. then has admitted that after his paranoia that i may have met someone on my work night out last week, he got back in touch with her.
don't really know much more than that and there's no point in asking as i'm not sure i could believe what he tells me anyway.

i had four main reasons for giving things another try. my love for him. the fact that anyone can make a mistake once. the fact that he swore he hated living a double life and would never want to live that way again. and finally, the fact that he said after seeing what he'd put me through, he'd never put me through that again.

just 4 weeks later he has.

to be honest i really don't want to turn this thread into a session to slag dh off. i don't understand his reasons and never will. but i do love him.

i think perhaps it's time to let my head rule my heart and make myself wake up to the fact that he doesn't love me in the same way i love him.

one day he'll realise what he's lost and what he's put me through. and i truly believe that nothing i say or do from this point on will have any impact. it's up to him now.

i've come into work to try and take my mind off it all and calm down. so i'm ok. i'm glad i have MN to get all of this out as this time i do not want one single person in RL to know. i don't want people getting at dh. i don't want people telling me 'i told you so'. i don't really want sympathy.
i'm sick of my life being one big drama after the next. i want to focus on me and ds and i want a happy quiet life filled with love and laughter. if the only way to get that is being alone with ds, then so be it. i'm truly blessed to have him.

so perhaps this thread should be about how i can now move forward without the love of my life and my soul mate....

Morning MLS glad things went well last night. A leap of faith and a tist in your gut instinct is all you can do. It sounds as though he needed to hear from you how this was affecting you. Hope it works out i really do and i am one that proves it can. I North West too and my geography not that great so will go with the flow

trust sorry.

Hi MLS

Just popped in to say hello before DD's assembly I have to go!

Hope today is better for you. Keep smiling, keep strong and keep posting!!!

XX

MLS I am so pleased that you have seen a change in dh

Keep up the good work!

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I'm in West London....

I've consulted a good friend from Brum and she recommends Broad Street for a good night out and shopping etc.

there's heaps of hotels around there too and I'm thinking we could share twins to keep the cost down? or would that be a bit weird seeing as how we've none of us met LOL!

travel via train or coach can be very reasonable especially if you book in advance.

have a look here

I'd suggest a Saturday, aim to arrive for lunchtime. Bit of shopping in the arvo and then hit the town. Lie in and full English Sunday morning before heading home.

CAT me and I will organise!

ps: who's in cornwall? you lucky devil! my favourite UK place.

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Just a quick update

I met the ow today to talk. She got upset after he ended it yesterday and wanted to meet me to tell me 'her side' of things. She was texting at midnight last night!

So anyway, I went. I've learnt a lot that I didn't know and it all makes sense now. I can finally stop doubting myself and my instincts and get some closure on this. (She had proof of what she told me too. Although the 'truth' wasn't for my benefit - it was completely out of spite! But I'd rather know I guess, so I took the meeting for what it was, listened to it all, and walked away.)

After the meeting she texted dh to say I was an 'amazing woman' and she was sorry for putting me through this

I have no idea what to do next and no idea how I feel. So going to take some time out to work that out.

But the change in dh is for the better and he obviously wants to do everything in his power to fight for me and put this right.

So time will tell.

I'll still come on here but I don't want to go over the detail just now. I just can't.

But I'll let you all know I'm ok. And I will be. I know I will be.

Paddlechick sterling work with the organising!! I think we should focus on that and plan something maybe in the summer so we have time to save/organise? Your itinerary sounds great too! And I'm happy to share a room as well... On one condition!...

I get first choice on sharing with whichever one of you is a hairy trucker!!

MLS if you had to see her i think this will have put some sort of closure on it for both of you in a way as she may have needed that too. If this has put an end to the lies then that's all good as i'm sure dh would now know she wouldn't hesitate to tell you if had been back to her. As for not going into the details i completely undersatnd until it's straight in your head it may be easier to work things out for yourself without any 'well meaning' advice. You know we're all here for you when your ready and if not just to give you a smile and a bit of support. At least pop on to let us know you ok take care x

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or tries to feed us mince whilst we asleep

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Well done MLS. You have worked your way through yet another bad stage. I hope the next stage is more rewarding for you. Keep posting, we just won't talk about your DH. I leave my DP out of it when I come on here and shall continue to do so while ever I'm working my way through things with him. But I still love to poke my nose into everyone else's business
No, in all seriousness, ive 'met' some really lovely people on here and you all saw me through a really dark time, i am eternally grateful for that. Thank you xx

YES! I used to be a Yorkie eating, hairy trucker until I had a sex change and I'm not going unless I can share with Dior

MLS. Hope the details weren't too crushing.
A time out is very sensible. Get your head round it all and see where you are. And don't let him put pressure on you to be quick about it. You need to take all the time you need, and if he really is willing to fight for you then he'll wait.
Hope you're okay, and if you want to talk about other things we're here for that too

Well done MLS
I hope it does give you some clousure. Make sure he really has changed and that this really is for the long haul. If he means it he will wait and you will know in your heart what you want now. He has pretty had it all his way now and you may start to feel sort of mean for wanting things your way now. That is perfectly normal and he should understand that. Dont let your gaurd down too quickly and remember to still protect yourself. Whatever the message she should now not ever contact him again - you know you are amazing and so should he that is all there is to it.

Good luck for the next few months the rollercoaster is not over yet but i hope there are some good bits coming up now.

I would nevr have believed it but at the moment we are still in a sort of honeymoon period and while it feels weied i am enjoying it - i bloodly well deserve it after what he put me through.

hi everyone

glad to hear the night out plan is a good one.

i've decided to create an MSN group for those who want to go - so we can chat in private about arrangements etc.

just back from getting dd from the GPs so bit busy this arvo - will get onto it tonight.

quick update: there is no update! still no word from him and tbh it's really starting to hurt that he can't even get in touch to find out how his gorgeous daughter is - never mind his wife. i just can't get my head around it, i really can't

watch this space for more details on The Fabulous & Glamorous Tour

okay dd is being an angel so have sorted out the MSN Group

apply to join, tell me your MN nickname and if you're already on this thread and expressed an interest I will approve you.

Otherwise CAT me to discuss.

Hi MLS, sorry for absence this week. Have skim read everything, and am glad to hear that things sound positive on the whole, I'm really thrilled for you. Will try and read everything properly later and catch up with you

A meet up would be lovely. The next couple of months are going to be a bit hectic for me, but I will definitely do all I can to be there. Will get on to the MSN group - well done paddlechick! And hope you're okay, am thinking of you PC.

Hi there

Am doing ok. Thank you everyone.

I've finally found the strength to get that time out and space I need. And will take all the time I need!
I love dh more than the world, and I can now finally see that he now wants nothing more than to put things right.
(People have said he needs that 'moment' of clarity. The time when everything hits him. And it has finally come.)

The meeting with the ow confirmed so many things. I didn't want to write about it on Friday but I want to get it written down and get it out. I can't bottle it up anymore.
It confirmed my suspicions. It made the things he did finally make some sense. The times he let me down, Christmas and New Year (very important times to me) when I was in bits that he couldn't spend it with me and our baby - he was actually with her. He couldn't find it in himself to be with me. Because he was with her!!!

They slept together in our bed. Didn't even have the respect to chose another part of our house. My bed. That I then came home and slept in.
He let her meet ds and build up a relationship with him. DS had a fit a few months back (I was in work) and he was out with ds and that bitch. It was him and her that took my baby to hospital in the ambulance. Him and her at his side. Whilst I worked hard to help us get the new house we wanted. He took advantage of me being 50 miles away and back in work full time to play out his sordid little affair and play happy families with my child. (It still tortures me daily that I wasn't around when my baby needed me. But to know she was there kills me.)

Spotofbother was right the other day. He really has played me for a fool. In every way. (Please don't come back on and slate me though - I couldn't take it!)

She entered into the relationship knowing he was married but didn't care.

From meeting her I can see how her needy pathetic way will have been getting to him.

Back in January, when I organised a lovely family holiday for the 3 of us in one of my desperate attempts to get dh back and understand why he left - the bitch took an overdose because he'd gone away with his own wife!!!!!!

She had so much on him, his actions had been so so abhorrent, she had so much to blackmail him with. So even when he wanted to end it he couldn't. Because he knew how much hearing this detail would affect me. (Sure enough, less than 12 hours after he finally ended it with her on Thursday, she had arranged to meet me and told me the lot!)

I stood in front of her and ended up reassuring her!! She was apoligising, saying how sorry she was but how she 'couldn't help falling in love with him'... and rather than give her a smack in the face, (like I should have!) I stood and comforted her! She said she wanted to die, deserves to be punished etc etc and I stood there saying how she was a lovely bright young woman with lots of potential and she needed to start getting some self respect by making the right choices and taking responsibility for her actions...

I'm clearly stupid and have an inability to find the anger I need! I can't believe I feel any compassion towards her. But I do. Because I am a good human being, with clear morals, the ability to think of others, the strength to forgive, and with integrity. She will never be that kind of person. So she does deserve pity.

I wasn't going to tell you all of this. But I do need to get it all out otherwise it will tear me apart.

I also think if my story gets to just one person, affects just 1 person enough to stop an affair from happening, then at least some good will come of it.

Feel free to tell me how much of a fool I am. How he does not ever deserve another chance. How I deserve better and owe it to myself to get much more. I know it all. But I will continue to follow my heart, as always. And you can all say 'I told you so, you've only got yourself to blame etc' but that's fine - because I will look back and be glad I dealt with this the way I wanted to. I will not allow him to take away my belief in myself.

(And if you think this thread is infuriating, perhaps like SoB want to shake me etc etc - then please please just walk away and don't post. I'm here to get it all out and get the support I don't have in RL. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and relying on an internet forum for support! You can see how desperate I am. Please don't hurt me any more.)

mls - I really do admire your streght and courage. you are a fantasic lady and obv love your DH and DS very much. yes he was a wretched etc as was OW, but all that matters is you and DS/how you choose to move on from this.

we will allways support you you know that

thanks so much munz xx

is your DH prepared to attend couples councilling with you? I relaly hope you can work forward form this as you definatly deserve some happiness and closure tbh. (hoping in an odd way the meeting did give you some sort or closure if that makes sence?)

Munz the meeting gave me all the closure I needed. it answered all my questions and stopped me from doubting myself. In a strange way I guess it has helped.

He's prepared to attend couples counselling to see if we can work it out.

He's also going to have individual counselling to deal with 'his own issues' as he hates himself for what he's done. He knows this all stemmed from his inability to discuss his feelings with me when he was unhappy in the first place so he knows he has to do something about that.

If he'd have told me what he was unhappy about 6-12 months about we could have fixed it so easily - we can both see that now. Bottling things up is what started this whole thing off...