looks like it's over

[mylittlestar]

well after everything you will have seen so far, and my happiness at dh and i giving our marriage another go, sadly it doesn't look like that is possible anymore.

i've been feeling down the last couple of days and couldn't put my finger on it. thought it was probably a bit of paranoia. the pregnancy scare etc. but looking back dh had also become distant and withdrawn and i think i was picking up on that.

i checked his phone this morning. there was a message in his saved items to the ow. basically said of course i'll get up early to come and take you to work. i'll leave a bit early so we can have a little kiss before we set off...

confronted him. he swore he hadn't been back in touch. then has admitted that after his paranoia that i may have met someone on my work night out last week, he got back in touch with her.
don't really know much more than that and there's no point in asking as i'm not sure i could believe what he tells me anyway.

i had four main reasons for giving things another try. my love for him. the fact that anyone can make a mistake once. the fact that he swore he hated living a double life and would never want to live that way again. and finally, the fact that he said after seeing what he'd put me through, he'd never put me through that again.

just 4 weeks later he has.

to be honest i really don't want to turn this thread into a session to slag dh off. i don't understand his reasons and never will. but i do love him.

i think perhaps it's time to let my head rule my heart and make myself wake up to the fact that he doesn't love me in the same way i love him.

one day he'll realise what he's lost and what he's put me through. and i truly believe that nothing i say or do from this point on will have any impact. it's up to him now.

i've come into work to try and take my mind off it all and calm down. so i'm ok. i'm glad i have MN to get all of this out as this time i do not want one single person in RL to know. i don't want people getting at dh. i don't want people telling me 'i told you so'. i don't really want sympathy.
i'm sick of my life being one big drama after the next. i want to focus on me and ds and i want a happy quiet life filled with love and laughter. if the only way to get that is being alone with ds, then so be it. i'm truly blessed to have him.

so perhaps this thread should be about how i can now move forward without the love of my life and my soul mate....

So you don't want to reserve a space in the freezer for your DH then Dior? I could do you a special 'buy one get one fee' deal for both DH and G

On a serious noe now, yes i'm up for a meet up to. When we are all sorted out

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evening all

MLS, sorry you took a bashing and it wasn't fair calling your parenting into question.

hope he's done what he had to do and you two can draw a line and move on.

I do believe I suggested a night out for all of us on another thread just recently.

Conditions are:

1. It will not be a man bashing night
2. It will be a fabulous and glamorous theme.

I also promised to organise it so CAT me if you're keen and I will get working on it.

BTW, dd is at Grandma's tucked up and sleeping soundly. I am a little disconcerted by the empty house but have tried to fill it with a mahooosive chinese.

unfortunately the only outcome is i feel a bit sick !

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Guys - I think MLS will be ROFL just like me when she catches up on this thread

Am really too to make a comment on what was said by SoB. I'm sure that in the cold light of day, she will see that making a comment about MLS's baby was way below the belt, however well-meaning. She has upset MLS but she's a strong lady and such a daft off-the-cuff remark will not keep her down for long, I'm sure.

IOHW before your crazy ranting about mincers, freezers and bollocks (!) you did an excellent post which I feel like cutting and pasting and sticking to my forehead! I hope MLS will read it and take comfort from all the rest of our ladies that choose not to run away from our problems but face them head on for the sake of our families.

Sometimes, these threads feel like our own private worlds where we can say whatever we like and expect support not judgement. I remember being incensed when someone posted on Ernest's thread about how weak she was for staying with her DH. However, these voices are lone voices with little substance and no ability to support their weak arguments without resorting to Trisha-like rants of "Kick him to the kerb".

Frankly, I'd rather put my own metaphorical bollocks in IOHW's mincer than side with that mentality

IOHW, hope you got my space reserved and the mincer well oiled?

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hi

this is just a quick one to let you all know I'm ok

your posts and words of support mean a lot to me. more than you realise. those who 'know' me know that I come here for lots of reasons. but above all because I do not wish to discuss this in 'RL' as I am trying to make this marriage work and do not need judgements from friends and family for the next 50 years every time something goes wrong! I get so much support from speaking to people like you who understand and have lived through a lot of these emotions and come through the other side.

I listen to all the advice, positive and negative, and as you know I take it all on board but always have, and always will, do what I think is best for me and my family. more than anything, I always do what feels right.

I was in a bad way before. only because I got that post at a time when dh was with the ow and I was on here specifically for support. to call my parenting ability into question at that time just killed me.

she had a valid point that he's taken the pi** out of me one too many times - but to get so personal was very hurtful. I have to do what I think is right.

he did go and see her, and he did find the strength to finally call it a day. obviously I'll never know 100% - but this is a leap of faith I'm prepared to take and given the way he is being tonight, the constant apologies and reassurance, it's a big change. and finally I have the feeling that all he cares about is me. you may not understand this - but I can sense a change. me standing up for myself, coupled with the strength I showed in accepting his visit to her this evening, seems to have struck a chord with him.
I'm still confused and so hurt. we have a lot of talking to do and I need the counselling. but whatever I decide in the end I'll know that I stuck by my vows and meant every word. if we get through this I'm sure nothing will come between us ever again.

I'll get there in the end!

and on the meet up - I would love to. absolutely love to.

people on here - paddlechick, cashncarry, iohw, lilyloo, lillybubble, hurtwife, osj, dior, ernest, lovemybed, ppp - all of you on this thread - I would love to thank you in person. I really mean that

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MLS - stop making me cry, woman - I'm rock 'ard me!

FWIW - you never posted looking for answers. It's clear that you're intelligent enough to make your own decisions. You came here looking for support and crucially giving unmeasured support to women like me who moan non-stop about their DHs but couldn't contemplate the turmoil leaving them would bring.

If you were to post tomorrow saying you have decided to leave him, we would give you our 100% support. But you haven't - you've said you'll honour your promises (that's the bit that made me cry) - when you said that, I think you speak eloquently for many of us who put up with less than perfect behaviour from our OHs in the hope that our and our children's futures will be brighter and better for that perseverence.

im still trailing along behind everyone, was hoping that mls would check in and give a idea of how she was, then again by the time this gets on that might have happened. no laughing at me if it does, think i will give up now, if you read this mls i hope all is well and after i have slapped my pc a few times it might decide to move a bit faster.

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Thank you for thinking of us MLS. Ive stayed up late to wait for you. Thanks for getting back to us, i hope you sleep well as well as can be expected anyway xx

Cash! have you blocked my bloody emails woman! Anyway, theres no getting away from me, ive sent the whole job lot to all your other addressess! You will be reading for weeks!

Let me know if you do or don't get them xx

Paddlechick - Lots of room my love and mincer well oiled, might get a 'extra fine' accessory for ot, we might need it
We could have one hell of a party, put the freezer in the middle of the room and all our husbands will be with us!! But not looking at other women!

off to bed now girls. See you in the morning XXX

bugger it did happen, just read your post mls glad things are "no worse". hopefully i can catch up with you tomorrow, (after a bloody system clean up)

v quick one while dh is checking ds!!

wanted to add fubsy and melminx to my list of those who have to come to the meet up!

I'm North-West so perhaps a Birmingham meet up could be a good idea?? Seems like it might be quite central for everyone?!

Catch up tomorrow. Must go xx

Hi MLS

You sound so strong today. I really hope this all works out for the best. Only you can know how it feels and if it feels right then you just have to go for it. Trust your gut instict - that is what i have leant from all this.

He can still take you for a fool and that is up to him. But you are strong and will get through this. it is now up to you to get your head sorted and move forward.

If he is back it will not all be easy and there will be days when you dout yourself and what you are doing but you will always know that you can survive alone and that is a powerful place to be.

Take care and have a great weekend. Me and h are off to a spa for the day!!

As for the get together - it would be lovely. I am in East Anglia so everywhere is miles away anyway.