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Original poster

looks like it's over

961 replies

mylittlestar · 18/04/2007 11:48

well after everything you will have seen so far, and my happiness at dh and i giving our marriage another go, sadly it doesn't look like that is possible anymore.

i've been feeling down the last couple of days and couldn't put my finger on it. thought it was probably a bit of paranoia. the pregnancy scare etc. but looking back dh had also become distant and withdrawn and i think i was picking up on that.

i checked his phone this morning. there was a message in his saved items to the ow. basically said of course i'll get up early to come and take you to work. i'll leave a bit early so we can have a little kiss before we set off...

confronted him. he swore he hadn't been back in touch. then has admitted that after his paranoia that i may have met someone on my work night out last week, he got back in touch with her.
don't really know much more than that and there's no point in asking as i'm not sure i could believe what he tells me anyway.

i had four main reasons for giving things another try. my love for him. the fact that anyone can make a mistake once. the fact that he swore he hated living a double life and would never want to live that way again. and finally, the fact that he said after seeing what he'd put me through, he'd never put me through that again.

just 4 weeks later he has.

to be honest i really don't want to turn this thread into a session to slag dh off. i don't understand his reasons and never will. but i do love him.

i think perhaps it's time to let my head rule my heart and make myself wake up to the fact that he doesn't love me in the same way i love him.

one day he'll realise what he's lost and what he's put me through. and i truly believe that nothing i say or do from this point on will have any impact. it's up to him now.

i've come into work to try and take my mind off it all and calm down. so i'm ok. i'm glad i have MN to get all of this out as this time i do not want one single person in RL to know. i don't want people getting at dh. i don't want people telling me 'i told you so'. i don't really want sympathy.
i'm sick of my life being one big drama after the next. i want to focus on me and ds and i want a happy quiet life filled with love and laughter. if the only way to get that is being alone with ds, then so be it. i'm truly blessed to have him.

so perhaps this thread should be about how i can now move forward without the love of my life and my soul mate....

OP posts:
Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 11:25

I know! Why are men so stupid?! Here are some examples:

"It meant nothing to me" - then why did you do it you twat?!

"Oh, you're so right. Why didn't I think of that?" - yes, why didn't you you dumbarse? Am I supposed to make all the good decisions while you just keep making bad ones??

"I'm too tired to talk about that right now. You're making me feel ill" - and it's making me feel ill not talking about it so go figure!

"Do we have to talk about that again?" - Yes, because you obviously weren't listening the first time.

etc. etc. etc.

Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 11:27

Sorry, that particular rant was in answer to MLS's question "Why can't he think of that for himself"!

Will stop ranting now

Original poster
mylittlestar · 03/05/2007 11:29

hand on heart i don't think he's enjoying the attention anymore. i really don't. i think he's got in too deep with someone who is having a hell of a difficult life and is living each day with the shame and guilt of how he's used her.

OP posts:
Original poster
mylittlestar · 03/05/2007 11:30

cnc excellent rant!

do you have a secret camera in my house!! how else would you know we've had those conversations 400 times!!

well you've managed to make me laugh for the first time today! thank you!

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 03/05/2007 11:32

But like you say, that is neither yours nor DH's problem. Send her the number of your counseller!! (maybe we should line her up for the freezer )

MLS, if you left it would not have to be the end. Sometimes, you have to leave in order to come back. XX

Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 11:33

We aim to please

Never mind a secret camera in your house - these little snippets are the only conversations I have with DH

I have a new mantra - "Men are twunts" (sung to the tune of "Oh My Gosh" by Basement Jaxx!)

Original poster
mylittlestar · 03/05/2007 11:37

I'll send her a big fat punch on the nose if she doesn't leave me alone! Got my angry head on today!!

Thanks you two. I feel a lot better now. The sun has come out so I think I will go and play in the garden with ds for a while - he's been playing on the floor next to me with the same game for the last hour!! Singing to himself! (Bad mum alert! Off to rectify that!)

Thank you

OP posts:
Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 11:37

I agree with IOHW (there's a surprise ) - sometimes a little break is what a marriage needs.

I think I'd be feeling a bit claustrophobic if I were you - he's there, she's not far away, you can't go out for a drink without bumping into someone who saw them together.

It must feel like a circle of insanity! Like IOHW says, he hasn't thus far responded to your kindness and understanding so turn those attributes onto yourself. The worst that could happen is that he continues to struggle aimlessly with his "dilemma" - the best thing that can happen is that he has a "Road to Damascus" moment when everything suddenly becomes clear and he realises what he's risking. You'll probably end up with something in between but at least you won't have passively allowed this situation to get the better of you...

Original poster
mylittlestar · 03/05/2007 11:39

A little break sounds just the ticket... how about 20 years!!

OP posts:
Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 11:39

LOL at your DS - he sounds so cute. They should be able to play by themselves for a while on their own so don't feel bad - I certainly don't -it's character building!
DD sings to herself all the time - she looked quite bonkers when she did it yesterday in the queue at the supermarket!

Paddlechick666 · 03/05/2007 11:44

MLS, at work so gotta be swift.

You are absolutely right on this - he needs to be 100% clear with the OW harsh or not.

IME when this happened to me, I made him call the OW whilst I was there and inform her that it all stopped right there and now.

Twenty mins later she turned up on the doorstep screaching like a fishwife.

We saw her off and that was the end of it.

If he's not prepared to do this for you then he's not worth your continuing support, loyalty, love and faith.

You are the innocent party. He is your husband and regardless of the role he has played it is his job to protect his wife and son.

Simple. End Of.

Ifonlyhewould · 03/05/2007 11:44

You should have seen me when I was high as a kite on that first lot of antidpressents. Whizzing down the supermarket isles riding the trolley shouting "wheeeeeeeeee" Sooooo liberating!

Ifonlyhewould · 03/05/2007 11:46

WoW Paddlechick! brilliant! Wish i had thought of all that good post!

Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 11:47

ROFL at IOHW - you're mad you are!

Paddlechick - how are you? Did you manage to find out if it was DH who took the car?

Paddlechick666 · 03/05/2007 11:49

why thank you IOHW.

cnc, still nothing from him or his mother who promised to keep me informed of his movements.

i've just had a thought tho, d'you think i should report it stolen

Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 11:52

Oh yes, do it! [evil emoticon]

Paddlechick666 · 03/05/2007 11:53

I wish I could be arsed but I can't LOL!

Am too busy feeling sorry for myself because dd has gone to Grandma's for the first time till Saturday and none of my mates are available to come out and play tonight!

Ifonlyhewould · 03/05/2007 12:01

Just had a thought of Dh's mother checking his 'movements' and reporting back to you reminded me of the 'poo' thread!

Yes Cash, I am mad and i'm glad and I'm proud

Its just so lovely to laugh again. i can't wait til all you guys are laughing with me rather than at me XX

Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 12:15

Oh my goodness - you've got the house to yourself - I'm so

Plan an evening of pampering - nice bath with facial followed luxurious creams and a nice DVD (with or without popcorn)....

Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 12:16

LOL at movements and poo - you've got a dirty mind IOHW but I like it

Ifonlyhewould · 03/05/2007 12:19

ive sent you an email Cash. It was my email that you didn't get so ive resent it

Paddlechick666 · 03/05/2007 12:20

cnc, yeah i know but seeing as how dd is generally asleep by 8pm it won't be any different to a normal night really.

except i can walk down to the take-away!

i was hoping to go out on the lash with some mates!

altho I can do that tomorrow, I've got to collect dd on Saturday so hang-over not required LOL

Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 12:22

Oh thanks hun - is it rude? Does that mean you still love me?

Since we're talking about having a laugh, must share a thread with you ladies as I am absolutely wetting my pants - MN classic!

here

Cashncarry · 03/05/2007 12:23

Or you could go out on the lash with yourself - I'm coming across as quite sad but I quite like a bacardi breezer in front of the telly/MN

Ifonlyhewould · 03/05/2007 12:29

Of course i still love you! You are the best thing i ever got for a fiver!! Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'buying your friends'

(referring to paying to CAT, just in case your'e a bit thick today )