My Husband has been Disinherited. Devastated for him.

[nursy1]

Of course there is a back story to this. His family was fairly dysfunctional, 5 kids in all. He is dyslexic but diagnosed as an adult, all through his childhood his father told him he was lazy, didn’t work hard enough at school, would never amount to anything. It culminated in him being thrown out when he was 17 after he had chosen to do an engineering apprenticeship rather than anything acedemic.
Now FIL is in his 90s, suffering from heart failure and Parkinson’s, bed bound and in the care of his eldest daughter. (DH Mum died 12 years ago) He lives next door to her I n a bungalow which she half owns with him. He pays her his carers allowance.
He lives a 4 hour drive away from us. Dh visited him at the weekend. He was very agitated, calmed down eventually. As he left, daughter came around to car to say that as her DH house was going straight to his kids she would be left with nothing and would have no income once FIL died. In the light of this he had changed his will.
DH discovered from his brother subsequently that he is to be disinherited and his share given to eldest sister as we are “well off” and didn’t come to visit him enough.
My husband is devastated. We are only well off because he has worked like a dog 50 - 60 hour weeks for 35 years or more. Never had much time for visiting then but he has seen him 4 times in the past year. He also took him on a week long holiday to Cornwall where he spent his honeymoon. He has been blocked many times from visiting by eldest daughter as, according to he4 “ Dads not up to it” . DH has a good pension we saved hard for and I have a pension as well which will start later this year. We have a small mortgage on our house. And six kids between us. We are not wealthy, only comfortable on a budget I would say. His other younger siblings will be much the same by the time they are our age. The eldest sibling has made a number of crazy decisions in her life and was an alcoholic for some years. However, she drives a Mercedes and is not short of money.
It’s not the money so much as it is bringing back the terrible feelings of rejection he had all those years ago. He hasn’t slept and is on the verge of tears when we speak about it.
I am fuming and at times if I’m honest that’s not helping. I want to confront them but DH worried it will kill his frail Dad and would rather challenge the will after his death
Anyone any experience of similar. What helped?

And OP wins the award for the biggest dripfeed ever. Sorry - still think you - DP are BU

Op hasnt dripfed, but think far too many holier than thou posters on this thread, who werent actually rading what OP wrote and made up their own scenarios .

Grannytomine. I think if you read the thread you will see that we don’t actually get to keep the grandfather clock.

What you actually said was that your husband's son will not be inheriting because he is gay and it will pass to your husband's brother/nephew. So your husband can have the clock whilst he is alive and he is going along with the bigoted inheritance conditions.

bruffin what is holier than thou? I am retired and have a house and money and I can't believe any of my kids would dream of telling me what to do with it. How would you feel if a group of people got together and told you that although you had worked for years you weren't entitled to do what you wanted with your own money?

Is it appropriate to be planning what your inheritance should be, the poor man is still alive. I hope he finds a young woman and spends his money on a cruise with her, drinking whatever the hell he likes.

And yes Aridane it is a big drip feed and of course all one sided. Would be interested to hear the fil's view of it which could be quite different.

If it isn't about the money what is the point? The whole "feeling unloved, a lesser person" doesn't change does it? If you have to push someone to give you something you know they aren't bothered anyway so not much of a victory really.

Sorry it comes across as money grabbing from a son who couldn't be bothered to visit his father but gets very involved when he has £ signs in front of his eyes.

Hard not to drip feed. If I’d put all the back story in the op it would have been like a small novel. I just felt perhaps there wasn’t enough information as so many jumped to conclusions
This is not about me, it’s about my DH. This will never be right as some have said, the adjustment doesn’t make the original will change right but the feelings it evoked in my DH were hard to witness so at least now it’s has a good airing. It’s helped DH a bit as I said by support from his younger siblings.
Me personally , I don’t care if we upset my FIL. I think he is a monster and the latest incident tells me he has not changed. I can feel sorry for sil at times but she has been periodically so nasty to me, my kids and DH I could neve be close to her.

Me personally , I don’t care if we upset my FIL

No shit.

Why do you keep coming back and reigniting the thread OP?

A lot of posters think you're being very unreasonable. A few agree with you.

You've taken your course of action and got the result you want. That's it then, isn't it?

Me personally , I don’t care if we upset my FIL That is painfully obvious, you like his money though.

He spends time with his eldest daughter and I am sure knows what is going on in her life and as things stand, with him on his last legs, I am sure he is concerned that she will be left with nothing when her H dies. Why assume she was conniving or FIL was being nasty/

Another one here who thinks that if you don't care about the men you should stay away from his money. Arguing about inheritance while he is still alive is vile and nasty. Your DH is entitled to nothing and visiting 4times per year is pathetic.

The bunch of you have no shame...