Op I think you are getting a hard time on here, especially the comments mocking 'Its not about the money'.
I am guessing that none of those people have ever been in the position of being treated as a lesser person than a sibling by parents.
I have. My DB was born after mum had a miscarriage and, according, to my older cousin, was the miracle child in the eyes of mum and a childless auntie. She said I didn't stand a chance when I was born 3 yrs later. I was always despised by my DB, who didn't want a sibling. My mum always sided with him whatever happened.
He turned into a lazy t**t who thought the world owed him a living but was never willing to work for it. He has lived on benefits and his wife's money all his life, plus money from my mum.
I always suspected he was given money, but only had evidence when she was recovering from a fall, in a home, and I was managing her money. She also then blurted out a huge sum of money, it turned out she had given him about a third of her savings as he felt entitled to buy a house, despite never working.
He had, in his words, frogmarched her to the bank 3yrs earlier, having told her she would never see him or his family again if she refused to give him money. She told my 2 older cousins about this but not me.
It wasn't about the money, it was the secrecy that was devastating. Plus the feeling, as most of my life, of being loved less than him.
Only on Friday, when visiting one of the cousins, did I find out that he had written a very nasty letter to mum after she blurted it out to me. My cousin had been forced to read the letter, and even 3yrs later, is still shocked about its contents. Such vitriol that she had never read, directed to his elderly frail mum. And containing the words "xxK isn't enough, I want all your money and will make sure you change your will accordingly when you go home". What a nice son.
I had half expected a will change, despite her denying it, right up until the moment we visited solicitor after her funeral 14mths later.
I would have walked out of the office, refused to be an executor and not done anything else if that had happened. It didn't, but it was an awful thing, walking into the solicitors not knowing if he was going to pull out a new will. He even joked about it on the way there!
Whilst finding out about the money was a shock, I was glad she blurted it out rather than me find out after her death. She had kept the bank transaction receipt, so it would have been a huge shock to find that in her papers. As obviously DB did f* all in emptying her house. He never set foot in our home town after funeral, left it all to DH and I. Just sat at home waiting for his inheritance cheque.
Op - I really do feel for your DH. In our case it was never about money, we have good jobs and earn well, it was about feeling loved and feeling equal. My dad was the nicest man, I know he would never have agreed to what mum did, without telling me, but he unfortunately died first so mum was able to indulge her golden boy.