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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

999 replies

October · 17/04/2007 14:40

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Original poster
October · 04/05/2007 09:38

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Ifonlyhewould · 04/05/2007 09:45

Hang in there October. Just off to DD's assembly, (its our first one ) but will be back to offer words of support soon. Keep your chin up!! xx

Fubsy · 04/05/2007 09:56

October, could you go out together but with some friends, so the conversation stays neutral?

I know theres nothhing worse that the conversation coming round to "problems" when youre out, and you find yourself fighting back the tears in public. Especially when youre feeling fragile already.

Hope it goes well whatever you do! Maybe just enjoy the peace without a child charging about!

BlueSkynSunshine · 04/05/2007 10:21

Oh October, I do feel for you. I posted briefly before but have been away and am only just catching up. I have been in your situation, unhappily married and with strong feelings for someone at work who seemed to feel the same then backed off. It was a truly, truly horrible time. I can see now that I felt so much for him because I was so unhappily married but that is the benefit of hindsight.

Only time I felt happy was when I was in work, which I have to say I find hard to believe now! Fridays were the worst day as the weekend was looming with h and I dreaded it. He now xh by the way, thank god!. We tried Relate but our relationship was well and truly dead. You will get through this but only by taking a good hard look at your marriage. I know I'm probably not helping much but just wanted to you let you know you are not alone. Sending you hugs. Please don't be too sad. Things do have a way of of working out in the end. Thinking of you.

Ifonlyhewould · 04/05/2007 11:24

Hi October

Can I ask you, do you actually want things to work out with DH?

It's just that you seem 'stuck' at the moment. You don't seem to be moving forward in your relationship with him and reading your posts you just don't seem to like him very much.
I understand that you feel he doesn't treat you well and he is jealous and insecure when it comes to your work and your friends but could you not just rise above all that, continue to enjoy the things that bring you joy and make a defined attepmt at not letting DH's negativity drag you down.

Your depression seems to be hinged on DH, what he feels, thinks and says. Then added to that you have the 'colleague'.

I reckon its time to stop being a sponge, stop soaking up all the negativity that comes from these two blokes. Listen to us not them. Come on now! You can do it!! xx

Original poster
October · 04/05/2007 22:00

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mummytosteven · 04/05/2007 22:06

sounds like there have been both ups and downs this week then in terms of G and H. try and hang on until the dust settles with the ADs, as depression could be feeding some of your negative feelings. don't carry on feeling so dire indefinitely though, you may need to revisit the schedule for cutting down to take things more slowly.

mummytosteven · 04/05/2007 22:06

sounds like there have been both ups and downs this week then in terms of G and H. try and hang on until the dust settles with the ADs, as depression could be feeding some of your negative feelings. don't carry on feeling so dire indefinitely though, you may need to revisit the schedule for cutting down to take things more slowly.

Original poster
October · 05/05/2007 08:43

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lou33 · 05/05/2007 09:18

just caught up with this

we should set up a home for miserable women of a certain age!

Ifonlyhewould · 05/05/2007 11:41

Sometimes it can be less lonely livng alone than it is living in a relationship thats not working.

Ifonlyhewould · 05/05/2007 11:54

Well done on your exam distinction by the way. Thats fantastic news. You should be on a real high!

lou33 · 05/05/2007 12:50

i agree

Original poster
October · 05/05/2007 19:14

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lou33 · 06/05/2007 08:54

YAY!!!!!!

Original poster
October · 08/05/2007 14:37

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BlueSkynSunshine · 08/05/2007 21:14

Yes sorry should have posted to you on this thread. (Just posted on the other thread Durr!!) Well done on your exam result - BIG pat on the back. Good for you, don't let H bring you down.

Still think you need to think about your relationship with H though. Sorry but ime you don't get those feelings i.e., for G without reason. Do you love H? Just asking because when that was said to me in Counselling I couldn't honestly say "Yes". Just a standard sort of reply was expected I think, i.e. "I think so", I said "No I don't think so". Then I realised I really didn't love him. Horrible time ahead. But now so much better for it.

LilyLoo · 08/05/2007 21:50

Well finally managed to catch up D. Looks like you have had aterrible time but relieved that you have seen the light with G. We have someone very similair at our place. He has now just left his wife and baby son for the female young pe teacher and we are all wondering how long that will last until he moves on. For the sake of your dc's you really need to work out what you want. Your thread is so different form a lot of the others as you are not saying you really love him etc. which i would always say try to make it work. As you don't even seem sure of that i not sure what i can really sy. You need to work out whether you want to be with him first before you move on otherwise it will get more bitter. Well done for not acting on the impulse with G though you really need to work your issues out with dh before you think about another relationship. I wll hang around now if that's ok. Hopefull of you working out what you want for all your family's sake. x

Original poster
October · 09/05/2007 12:54

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lou33 · 09/05/2007 13:00

thinking of you x

Original poster
October · 09/05/2007 13:01

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October · 09/05/2007 13:01

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lou33 · 09/05/2007 13:05

it's all v normal

i guess you have to try and project yourself into the future and see if you want to live like that in 10 yrs time

Ifonlyhewould · 09/05/2007 13:30

Hi October

I was just wondering whats keeping you with your H.

Do you think it's fear of the unknown, of being a single parent and coping with all it's trappings that makes you stay or, are you staying in hope that relate will help you to sort everything out and your feelings for him may come back?

PS You DO look like Liz Hurley by the way. I think a name change is in order

Original poster
October · 09/05/2007 16:03

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