I am 48 with three DCs and have been with my BF for 18 months. It is the first relationship I have had since the end of my 20 year marriage five years ago. My BF is a lovely man..always cheerful, kind, caring, affectionate and he makes me laugh so much. He has lovely friends, is on good terms with his ex wife and he is a great dad to his kids. My DC all like him very much, especially my 9 year old DS. He is an amazing lover...sex is brilliant with him...I can’t imagine it being any better. There is just one fly in the ointment which is that he is completely broke. He walked away from his marriage with nothing, became very down and made some bad financial decisions, which he now bitterly regrets, with the upshot being he has no assets, pension or savings. He works hard and rents a small house and pays maintenance for his children but basically lives hand to mouth. He is self-employed and has no safety net if he does not have work and if he got injured I don’t know what he would do as he does a physical job.
My issue is that my ex-husband never had any money, didn’t work..was a struggling artist when I met him and I basically supported our family financially for the duration of the marriage. He took absolutely no responsibility for finances, refused to discuss money ever and I am so sick of worrying about money after years and years of it. My ex pays no maintenance as he doesn’t work and is now on disability benefits.
I don’t want or need to wined and dined, but if my boyfriend and I have any sort of future together then I feel I will be supporting yet another man for the next twenty years! I would love to be able for us to go away for weekend together or a meal.. but I would have to pay for everything all the time....don’t mind paying half at all but I have very little spare money for treats.
Uuurrggh....I don’t know how I could end it with him, we have never had an argument in 18 months and of course there is no guarantee I would meet anyone more solvent financially. Without wishing to sound arrogant, I know he would be heartbroken if I ended it and he has no idea how I feel. I don’t want to cause pain to anyone. I have tried to talk to a couple of friends, but they just think he’s lovely and I should stay with him.....but the lack of money thing just keeps going round and round in my head. Would be really interested to hear others perspectives...