Would you stay with a partner accused of rape?

[Scrapper142]

Inspired by news and personal experience, interested to know, would you stay and if you have experienced it, did stay or get out?

Ed Westwicks gf has been defending him and said she believes he's innocent. Although postponed getting engaged.

The man who raped me is happily in a new relationship. It's something I don't tend to think about, but his name was tagged in a fb post on my feed his week and in a moment of weakness I looked. There was a picture of his gf blissfully happy.

I just wonder how she stays with him (assuming she knows). I'm sure if she has been told it's an edited and manipluated version. But I expect she is completely unaware and unaware of the reality of the man she is sharing her life with. It makes me so sad for her and then so fucking angry (that he can do this).

It's strange as I feel connected to this complete stranger, I know it's not my problem but I can't help but worry about her. Then I think she'd probably never want to hear or accept the truth anyway?!?!

Sorry Riding - as a standalone statement without context, I wasn't 100% sure, I've seen worse on this subject!

I guess I'm speaking mainly from experience and speaking to other women - there are of course the men who get off on the lack of consent / power, but that doesn't appear to be the majority of those responsible. I think that's maybe why we have such a hard time believing someone we know / love could do such a thing. We are told that it's not about sex it's about power, which isn't always true, if you think about the number of assaults that occur via coercion, or victims being drunk, it often is about sex and ignoring lack of consent rather than specifically aiming for it.

tttb no one here has said anything like that. They've said you can't know, because you can't. You've really missed my point - you can make assertions about why he behaves as he does and you may well be correct, but you wouldn't know.

I could make lots of similar arguments about the men who've assaulted me, and I'm sure their wives / girlfriends would. Seems like men have lots of other men ignoring their behaviour when it's convenient (look at brad Pitt - would you carry on working with someone who's accused of assault by your spouse end former fiancé) and women get other women accusing them of lying / "confusion" if the accused is someone they know moderately well.

I can't know if any given person is guilty of sexual assault. What I do know 100% is that five men absolutely are and there are people who'd make excuses for them all day long.

My father wasn't someone you'd suspect of child abuse. He had functioning longterm relationships with adult women. No red flags for wanting to be around kids / gain access to them - hell, he didn't seem overly bothered about having access to his own kids most of the time. No indications of being attracted to children whatsoever. And yet it happened. The only people that know that for sure are him and me. I'm sure there'd be people willing to state that he could never do such a thing - except he did do it.

I am in no way saying that your husband has assaulted someone in the past but don't think you can ever determine this from his behaviour towards / in front of /described to you. You can only make assumptions, but people have poor judgement when it comes to loved ones all the time. I'm not trying to make you doubt your DH whatsoever, just saying there are others who would swear the same and who would be wrong.

Indeed - it's understandable of course, we are quite blinkered about people we love, but it is rare for spouses or parents to say "I knew they were capable of something awful" unless they have a long proven history of offences.

A bit like Michael Jackson really - all of the stories from so many alleged victims, the set up he had at home, his thoroughly suspicious behaviour and a child who was able to describe the underside of his penis accurately. But hey, he was found not guilty so that's that. People turning up to give evidence that he would never do such a thing because they know him so well... I hope they were right.

I still think SA/rape is about power....

Sometimes it is about one man gaining power for himself over the woman/women he assaults (what we think of as the archetypal rapist).

Other times it is about the general power and privilege that men are socialised to feel entitled to - the power and privilege of not being concerned about consent.

They made the child recall the underside of his penis. Christ the lengths people will go to to try and prove a victim wrong is sickening .

They said that about that Deane guy who punched his baby daughter to death. “So out of character” he will have many years to reflect on his behaviour. I think he got about 2 days before he was murdered in prison.

I don’t think it’s out of character you are either capable or not and I genuinely do t think anyone knows that except from you.