If this happened to you, what would your DH/DP do?

[Inarightpickleandchutney]

Let’s say you were about an hour away from home.
With a DD, having a day out at the seaside.
I have a known allergy and carry epi pens.
I went to a cafe with DD, asked about the food, ordered etc. Minutes later after a first mouthful I’m struggling for breath and it’s very obvious it’s anaphylactic shock.
DD is 7, tells a grown up they do the epi pen and n ambulance is called.

The nurse at the hospital calls home to say don’t panic but this has happened and it was a close call but it’s all under control.

Your DH.... what is their response to that call?

This is one of those threads that you hope isn't real - he can drive, a car is available and your DD is stuck at the hospital while you receive treatment. I'd keep that appointment and seriously explore your options there, OP. Hope you and your DD are feeling OK (or as OK as you can in the circumstances).

My verbally abusive XP was a total arsehole in so many ways. Yet I have to admit in these circumstances, even he would have come straight way.

Even if he was in sulky moody mode and/or stonewalling me, as he so often did, he still would have come for dd and then me.

Even stretching it out and he thought you were ok, there's still two outstanding problems.
He knew you would have to get the train home and your DD was with you.
Did he not think at around 5pm DD would need fed her dinner and get ready for bed?
He's a selfish man.
I know I don't know your marriage, but that's grounds enough for divorce for me.
Hope you're ok. Now and in the future.

He neglected his daughter!
He neglected his wife in her hour of dire need!

Yes - it is this bad.

Third time? End it.

That is absolutely horrendous! My DH would be there like a shot. I wouldn't forgive that, he'd be gone

HE has shown you very clearly, you are not able to rely on him. You are not important enough to him to get off his arse and act.

Bloody hell, I'd have gone to get you in that situation and I don't even know you!!

Sorry OP

I’d expect my DH to ask to speak to me and my daughter. If either of us wanted him to come, I’dexpect him to come.

I just asked my husband and he is horrified. Please trust yourself and do what you need to do.

A few years ago I had an ulcer on my eye and needed to go to hospital. My ex dp left work and flew in from another country with his mum so one of them could stay with me and another have Ds. We weren’t together, I didn’t ask (I just cried down the phone helplessly actually!) but it’s what people do for each other.

Your DH is showing you what he thinks not only of you, but of your daughter. I am so sorry, but I sense you are going to have the balls to sort this out and get through this. Your daughter is a credit to you, and I’m glad you are okay

Ffs -my DH would pack a bag of what I might need; make a sandwich/snack/ water for DD come to the hospital (taxi if a few beers) and pick up DD and check you OK and take DD home. Sorry OP but that is awful of him. Think most would do that for a friend let alone someone they are married to. I hope you are both OK and gold star to your wonderful DD for keeping it together, I hope you both sleep OK tonight.

I sort of get the no panic if the epi pen is a regular thing and told she was fine .But not picking you up was out of order

I'm with PyongyangKipperbang "The only opinion that matters here is yours."

OP what is wrong with your dh? I mean what was he doing for those 9 hours? Wachinbg TV, gaming, sleeping, what could he possibly think was more important than his wife and child?

My dh has done and said a few daft things in the past but nothing like this.

Just another post adding to the others already saying he's a twat. My DH would have been up there like a shot to get our DD, then come back later for me.

for your DD, she sounds amazing.

Of course your DH was crass not to rush to your side. I would just like to say though that those of us who live with this do tend to be a bit calmer and less panic stricken than other people. We are very calm when the shit hits the fan as we have been there before. That’s all, no excuse for it but it may be a reason do you think? Is he just calm or is he simply uncaring?!

Your dd sounds amazing. Well done to her.
Your h on the other hand...

He’s a complete prick, so sorry OP.

DH is another DH who is outraged on your behalf.

"Lazy, worthless, fucking arsehole," was the kindest phrase used.

We both approve of your solicitor's appointment.

I am so sorry this happened to you OP. My husband would have been on his way to the hospital straight after putting the phone down. Football or anything else he was doing would have gone out of the window. It's what any decent person would have done, never mind someone who is supposed to love and cherish you.

I would show your wanker of a so called husband this thread. He should have been there straight away for both of you. And even if relations between the two of you are not great, he should have come for his daughter.How could he leave a little girl, who was probably traumatised, for 9 hours? I bet the hospital staff were appalled that he didn't come to be with her, and that you had to go home by train.

He obviously doesn't care about either of you. You don't need this selfish, useless knob in your life.You can do much better.Dump him.

What a prick! I've never said this on here either but....LTB!

He's shown his true colours hasn't he? Don't let him gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting and it's not that bad.It really is. He's not prioritising you or his child. He cant see the issue? Yet another reason to get rid. How can anyone who is meant to care be so unconcerned? You can do better OP.

I just asked my DH - using an example of his football team playing a derby match - and he still said he’d drop everything on that day! He actually said ‘That’s not even a question..’ and I explained it had happened to you.

You are already on your own. Get yourself sorted and move on. You really are not being unreasonable.

Report the restaurant to the Environmental Health Officer. Urgently. Other lives are at risk.
My DH would have been there

Your poor daughter. What an amazing girl though (and I'm sure she has you to thank for that!)

Early in my relationship I ended up in hospital countless times, usually by ambulance, due to an undiagnosed condition. He was there every single time, without fail. If our kids had been at the hospital with me, there's nothing on earth that would stop him being there, and the thought of him making me struggle home on the train with our child after a life threatening incident? It's literally unthinkable. Definitely LTB