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Original poster

Caught DH sexting another woman

910 replies

user58104372 · 29/10/2017 05:11

Can't sleep as I just found this a few hours ago. DH is a great man, we've been together for 13 years, married last year two beautiful DC 5 and 9. He's always been very supportive of me, helped get a degree so I could become a teacher, helps around the house, great dad. I don't know how long it has been going on for, I had no interest in reading too many details if all the conversations they had on FB. She's a mum from school, we're not friends, but my best friend is friends with her, she's married and as far as I would know lives a happy life. I don't even know how they "met" , but it seems that one day DH noticed her and started obsessing over her. Of what I can tell from their messages (there were too many of them), he's the one who pursued her and she didn't put any resistance. I read how he called her "possibly the most beautiful human being on earth" for instance. At some point they started sexting, explicit messages telling her what he wanted to do to her and a photo of his erection. As far as I can tell, they actually haven't slept together but it seems like they both want/plan to. I don't know how to move forward from this. One part of me says it isn't cheating "nothing" has happened but it's not just the sexual content that upsets me, I'm so heartbroken he's so infatuated by her and that he actually pursued her. I never thought he was that type of man. I also see this woman at the school gate I'll have to control myself not to slap her.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 02/11/2017 15:08

Glitterpony51

I've just seen your post.... my heart felt sympathies to you Lady... please take care .. and be kind to yourself... Flowers

Redpony1 · 02/11/2017 16:30

I was told by the OW's Husband when my ex cheated with his wife - and i am glad he told me! There is no reason not to get the truth out there.

Stay strong Flowers

ZestyMaximus · 02/11/2017 16:39

I was very grateful when I was told my now ex was cheating.

Original poster
user58104372 · 02/11/2017 17:16

I've spoken the the OW's husband. That was not easy at all. It broke the poor guy. He said she started to change (would be in their bedroom in the evenings instead of downstairs) and noticed she bought new underwear. I said I was really sorry and I could provide all the evidence if he wanted it, but he didn't want it. Hopefully now I focus on my DC.

OP posts:
Greedynan · 02/11/2017 17:19

Gosh. That can't have been easy. I genuinely think it is the best thing that he knew. He can now decide whatever he wants. And you can focus on you and your DC. I hope you're all bearing up and I wish you the very best. You did not deserve this.

magoria · 02/11/2017 17:21

You are so brave.

Your H is a stupid dick lead twat who doesn't realise what dignity and class he has lost for a cheap bit of lycra clad booty.

It will get easier in time.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 02/11/2017 17:46

Awful that you had to do it but well done for telling him.

mrsRosaPimento · 02/11/2017 17:57

Your strength is amazing. Her dh deserved to know. You can now focus on your dcs and nurturing yourself.Flowers

mrsRosaPimento · 02/11/2017 17:58

Also, you’ve done nothing to apologise for. His wife should be apologising.

UnicornSparkles1 · 02/11/2017 17:59

You're very brave. Her poor husband. They've hurt so many people with their ridiculous and pathetic teenage crush. It might be worth blocking Lycra Arse. The woman has no shame and will no doubt try to blame you for telling her husband rather than take responsibility for her actions.

I hope you're doing okay x

crimsonlake · 02/11/2017 18:07

Really sad and disappointed that you felt you had to tell him despite what many of us on here who have been in the same situation advised you.

SandyY2K · 02/11/2017 18:08

Hopefully now I focus on my DC.

Absolutely .... it's his choice from now yo do what he will.

...and you can focus on yourself too now.

user7680 · 02/11/2017 18:14

Well done for telling him xx🌸

MayCatt · 02/11/2017 18:20

Crimsonlake that's was uncalled for. The OP has done what she felt was right and has acted with real dignity.

HappenedForAReisling · 02/11/2017 18:23

Crimsonlake that's was uncalled for. The OP has done what she felt was right and has acted with real dignity.

And many people said they were glad they were told so there's no way to say OP was wrong.

Good luck OP Flowers

Lottie509 · 02/11/2017 18:24

Crimson actually most that have been through it advised op to tell him..
Just because you would have rather stuck your head in the sand, You dont speak for everyone in that situation.
Its not ops fault that they cheated, in life their are consequences for your actions, The partner finding out in this situation is one of them.
He needed to know he's in a terrible relationship being treated badly hopefully it will give him the push to realise his worth and leave.

everythingmustmatch · 02/11/2017 18:29

I’ve been in the position where my ExH was cheating on me with a mum of a girl in the same class as my daughter. Apparently it was a well know secret in the small town where I lived, well to everyone except me of course.

Even now just over 20 years down the line I still remember the humiliation I felt that everyone knew except me, I thought back and (in my mind) the pitying looks now made sense.

I wish someone had been brave enough to do what you did today - 100% you did the right thing.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/11/2017 18:59

I hope that will be enough for you now OP so that you can move forward with your children. There's nothing to be done now as OW's husband has been told - just as long as you don't need or expect him to publicly show retribution towards her because that will probably not happen and if it does, it's between them.

I hope you'll get some peace to come to terms with all you and your children have to come to terms with now. Best wishes to you.

PNGirl · 02/11/2017 19:03

The problem here with not telling him would have been that your H could have just carried on in the same manner messaging this woman. You and he need to sort out what life apart is going to look like and this isn't possible while he's living in fantasy land. From here, she either ends the affair or doesn't but the dynamic of it won't be the same.

Itsonkyme · 02/11/2017 19:06

I'm with you crimsonlake!
It broke the poor guy Sad
Guess you're even now then.
Have a lovely life, you really deserve it!

ElephantsandTigers · 02/11/2017 19:09

Ouch. That's really bitchy!

knockknock1 · 02/11/2017 19:11

@Itsonkyme seriously? You sound like such a lovely person Hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/11/2017 19:13

I can see what Itsonkyme and Crimson mean though. OP's life has been devastated and she's passed it on to somebody she doesn't know, has no idea if they would have wanted to know, had no idea if they knew already. It's not what I would have done nor what I personally would have wanted myself but I know there are those who say they'd want to be told.

Nobody knows what this man would have wanted and it doesn't ring true that people do it for altruistic reasons. Still, done now.

PNGirl · 02/11/2017 19:13

So do you, Itsonkyme.

ScarletSienna · 02/11/2017 19:14

Itsonkyme-that’s a ridiculous response. In no way has the OP said she wanted to get even. She hasn’t ‘broken’ the OW’s husband, his cheating wife has.