Caught DH sexting another woman

[user58104372]

Can't sleep as I just found this a few hours ago. DH is a great man, we've been together for 13 years, married last year two beautiful DC 5 and 9. He's always been very supportive of me, helped get a degree so I could become a teacher, helps around the house, great dad. I don't know how long it has been going on for, I had no interest in reading too many details if all the conversations they had on FB. She's a mum from school, we're not friends, but my best friend is friends with her, she's married and as far as I would know lives a happy life. I don't even know how they "met" , but it seems that one day DH noticed her and started obsessing over her. Of what I can tell from their messages (there were too many of them), he's the one who pursued her and she didn't put any resistance. I read how he called her "possibly the most beautiful human being on earth" for instance. At some point they started sexting, explicit messages telling her what he wanted to do to her and a photo of his erection. As far as I can tell, they actually haven't slept together but it seems like they both want/plan to. I don't know how to move forward from this. One part of me says it isn't cheating "nothing" has happened but it's not just the sexual content that upsets me, I'm so heartbroken he's so infatuated by her and that he actually pursued her. I never thought he was that type of man. I also see this woman at the school gate I'll have to control myself not to slap her.

She is panicking. Of course her husband will mind, make sure you tell him. I'm so sorry your going through this shit.

I think he should be told too. Poor bugger only gets one life. He should be able to choose if he wants to spend it with this horrible woman or not

I wonder if someone saw them kissing in the car and they decided to confess it now before it came out in the grand scheme of things. Can't think of any other reason she would 'confess' it in such a weird way.

What a cheek that woman has. As PPs have said, you must protect yourself now and do what is right for you and the DC.

If that means telling her DH then so be it. I too would want to know in his position.

Just remember to move forward at your own pace - don't allow anyone to rush you. You are not the person who has behaved terribly. You have done nothing wrong. A step and a day at a time.

Take care.

I've asked my BF about the OW. She was close to them for a bit so knows them well. Surprisingly, she does think her DH will forgive her. He's a bloke with very low self esteem, who was convinced she was going to leave him sooner or later. Regardless he does deserve to know, I'll try to arrange something either today or tomorrow.

Oh what a sad state of affairs if that is the case. Seems like she has the confidence to go around doing what she likes with no fear of any personal cost to her.

Hope you are ok OP. Still early days for such a huge shock.

Ffs leave the OP alone! Just because you would prefer to be told if your DH was messing around , still does not put the onus on her to be the one to have to tell the OWH.
What you would prefer does not come into this equation.
Also, I've scrolled back and at no point can I see the OP ask for advice on telling the husband.
Bloody well, back off!

Grrr the more I hear the more my blood boils. Poor guy. And poor you OP and your innocent DC. I keep checking in on this post. You've been in my mind. It's all so unfair 😞

Oh well!!! Sorry about that rant!
It seems OP is now wanting to get involved with telling him!
If that's what she's ok with. Then fine!

The OP said a few pages ago that she had made the decision to tell the OW's husband. I don't know what some of you are talking about, but to my mind this is a personal matter for her to decide and no-one is in a better position to adjudicate the situation and make that call than she is.

I'm so sorry the OW has minimised her responsibility in that way, OP. Whether what she says is true or not, it's very hurtful, and very selfish of her to take that line, and speaks of a small person who can't own her own actions. Whether her husband chooses to take her back or not is their business; suffice it to say it does not sound like a very equal or rewarding relationship.

Look after yourself today.

Itsonkyme she said before the last message she was going to tell him, If you rtft you would have seen that...

Poor bloke. She sounds hideous.

User5810
Can your friend not tell the OH ! If that's what you've decided.
I just think that it's a bit much for you to have to see how a "poor guy with low self esteem" reacts when you tell him.
I'm telling you now, I'm pretty hard but I couldnt do it.

Missed it Lottie509 apologies

Wow. What, she called YOU!?! This is bonkers.

Surprisingly, she does think her DH will forgive her

So she is planning on staying with him? Guess that leaves your shitty soon-to-be-ex in the cold then. Don't let him come crawling back.

Hope you are doing OK, OP.

@Itsonkyme she said that way back in the thread - keep up!

@Itsonkyme

What you would prefer does not come into this equation.

Take your own advice...

She sounds vile. I hope you're okay OP.

Has your husband been in touch? I hope you're being kind to yourself x

I too would be telling her DH, OP.
But what they decide to do about the state of their sham of a marriage is on them. I wouldn't concern myself with whether or not they stay together. I'd still tell him. They may stay together but she's shat on her own family because rubbing her Lycra-clad thigh gap all over the school gates was more important than prioritising her family's stability. She forgot why she's at those school gates... or else she didn't care enough to remember that school is for her kids. It's no place for a woman's bloated ego. I wouldn't want to know her. I'm sorry she's immersed herself in your life without a care in the world for your family. Didn't take her long to throw your husband under the bus though, did it? Calling him a serial cheater. Good! He had it coming, the prick.

You've got yourself to think of right now. You've just got to come out the other side of this whole shitstorm and be well in mind and body. You look after you and do what you think will be best for you. And if mama is happy the kids will be happy (it's tempting to put your kids' happiness first but in this case, what you want and what you need is of utmost importance). You first! When tempted to welcome your husband home and start afresh, just ask yourself, 'What do I really need?' Inevitably the answer is: Not his bullshit.
It stains.
Strength to you!

Huge hugs!

She sounds like a right catch I’m sure her and your dh will be very happy (for about an hour).

Glitterpony. I'm so sorry.

NameWithChange
If you can see, I have apologised for not seeing she was going to tell the OWH twice already. So do one!
Looks like you're "keeping up" Dear. Your entertainment this, is it?????

OP.. I think you've handled yourself with dignity and pride and I'm very pleased you're seem to be okay...

the fact her husband thinks he's beneath her.. I believe proves she's also deceitful Player and she always will be.. purely because she knows her DH will never leave her... sad way to live

anyway.... onward and upward for you Lady... you're Fantastic in the face of adversary... I wish you the very best of wishes

Hang in there, Op. Give the children extra hugs. They need them, you need them.

I am still not convinced that telling him is the right thing to do however if you insist on doing it do it discreetly and just between you and him not drip feeding the story to all and sundry That is just undignified