Caught DH sexting another woman

[user58104372]

Can't sleep as I just found this a few hours ago. DH is a great man, we've been together for 13 years, married last year two beautiful DC 5 and 9. He's always been very supportive of me, helped get a degree so I could become a teacher, helps around the house, great dad. I don't know how long it has been going on for, I had no interest in reading too many details if all the conversations they had on FB. She's a mum from school, we're not friends, but my best friend is friends with her, she's married and as far as I would know lives a happy life. I don't even know how they "met" , but it seems that one day DH noticed her and started obsessing over her. Of what I can tell from their messages (there were too many of them), he's the one who pursued her and she didn't put any resistance. I read how he called her "possibly the most beautiful human being on earth" for instance. At some point they started sexting, explicit messages telling her what he wanted to do to her and a photo of his erection. As far as I can tell, they actually haven't slept together but it seems like they both want/plan to. I don't know how to move forward from this. One part of me says it isn't cheating "nothing" has happened but it's not just the sexual content that upsets me, I'm so heartbroken he's so infatuated by her and that he actually pursued her. I never thought he was that type of man. I also see this woman at the school gate I'll have to control myself not to slap her.

Don’t torture yourself hun xxx

Probably the only reason he doesnt want her husband knowing is it will ruin his chances with her, He knows full well it will cause a shit storm the ow will get back in reality and feel the shame of it all once her hubby finds out and that will leave your dh less likely to get his shag. Hes all about himself.

Hate to say Lottie that’s what I thought 😪

Oh no that’s awful. I guess you know where you stand though .
Focus on yourself and your DCs. You’re not alone. You did nothing to deserve this.

I agree, he knows when her DH finds out she will turn her back on this affair and his chances with her will be over for ever. He is hanging on to the hope that he still has a chance.

I can imagine that it is a soul-crashing experience right now. Please OP, don’t try to torture yourself even more though with thoughts, such as having let yourself go. You’re not competing with reality but a lust addled fantasy. It’s a lot easier to obsess about someone else sexually when you haven’t had everyday life and mundane stuff get in the way of the illusion. I think, I would be more hurt about the absolute disloyalty of placing the OW’s needs above yours and wanting to protect her. He may have started it by pursuing her but she is reciprocating. While I initially agreed with others that your scorn and anger should be directed at your partner, OW isn’t the innocent party. I personally would not add to the drama by telling the DH of OW and am glad you got a lot of dignity. At least, you have some control right now to let the pair of them stew over it. But you’re right, your main priority are your kids and how to go forward.

This isn't your fault.

You could have been swinging from the lights every night and that would still not have stopped him.

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Where is he now?

Sending you love and strength to get through the next few days.
Keep that focus on your DC and yourself.
I’m sure you won’t have heard the last from ‘D’H, please stick to your guns when the road gets bumpy

Not your fault!!! Don't blame yourself, please. Marriage is a commitment through bad times and good. He let you and your dc down. Shame on him. And her too. Xx

I don't know where he is and I frankly don't care. Doubt he's with her, she's married after all. I just don't get why he idolized her so much. They apparently had things in common but they hadn't been chatting for long enough to go beyond a "silly crush"

How did he initially approach her op? Is she a school mum or something? Did he Facebook her? How did it start?

Sorry just re read your op. Do you have to face this woman at the school gate?

Has he ever actually met this woman in real life? It just sounds like such bizarre behaviour, total fantasy, and he doesn't seem to be grasping the gravity of what he's done at all.

So sorry you're going through this OP, please focus on what you and your children want and need,

He found her on Facebook, she's my friend on there after all. I've printed the message and have been piling them up by type. I thought I had read them all but I missed a few. They talk about his birthday how she'll be his present and how he'll "never need anything else". And I also missed when he implies he loves her "I love you even more for doing it" he tells her at some point. I had some solace in thinking that clearly he didn't love me anymore but at least he didn't love anyone else either.

Of course he doesn't love her, he doesn't know her. And from what you've said he doesn't actually see her as a person, just a collection of body parts. He sounds so unhinged I wonder if he might pose a danger to her if she drops him, and I don't say that lightly.

He met her at a bake sale he volunteered at. And at other events like sports day and end of term discos, but I don't think they exchanged anything beyond a hello or goodbye. She actually ask him about his behaviour at some point (he had already developed his "crush“ by then but couldn't get out of his shell in person.

As much as you feel driven to it it is best to stop the ' pain shopping' now. You have read enough and know enough and it will not help to continue. Save your energy for what lies ahead tomorrow and at least try and get some rest. As awful as it sounds I advise going through the bank statements, savings accounts etc unfortunately asap.

I feel for you that is horrendous and 1000% cheating I'd leave him x

Christ op I have no idea what to say reading all this but I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry.

Op
I think you need to rest.....if you can you’ve been through loads and we’re posting at 5 am. I know your head is mashed but try not to open the wound you know what’s been said don’t go back there.
Can you have a warm bath or something???
That’s pathetic I know but you will need your energy and wits about you in the days to come
Even if only for 2-3 hours please rest a little xx

Serial
Fgs is there any need!!!

That’s pure vicious!!!!

What a total prick he is. He doesn't want the husband to find out because he's shutting himself, probably get battered!

Ping

You have obviously never been in the Ops shoes, I have. Op needs to know everything so she can make informed decisions.

You obviously have had no dealings with, lying, cheating, unfaithful, extra - marital shagger's who break your heart, break your kids hearts, tear your family apart, then try to minimise it, make excuses for it, or shift the blame on
To the innocent party.

Op sounds like a wonderful lady, she AND her children deserve so much better.

I'm calling a spade a spade, her partner is a complete bastard. Do you seriously think he would have gone to the lengths he has, without ' claiming his prize ' !?

Do you seriously not believe cheating men, whilst having sex with their wives whilst still having an affair, have their minds somewhere else !?

Yes, it's graphic, but Op needs to bare this in mind when he comes crawling back, saying " It was all a big mistake, I love you, it was just a silly crush, I'm a fool, let's kiss and make up "