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Original poster

Caught DH sexting another woman

910 replies

user58104372 · 29/10/2017 05:11

Can't sleep as I just found this a few hours ago. DH is a great man, we've been together for 13 years, married last year two beautiful DC 5 and 9. He's always been very supportive of me, helped get a degree so I could become a teacher, helps around the house, great dad. I don't know how long it has been going on for, I had no interest in reading too many details if all the conversations they had on FB. She's a mum from school, we're not friends, but my best friend is friends with her, she's married and as far as I would know lives a happy life. I don't even know how they "met" , but it seems that one day DH noticed her and started obsessing over her. Of what I can tell from their messages (there were too many of them), he's the one who pursued her and she didn't put any resistance. I read how he called her "possibly the most beautiful human being on earth" for instance. At some point they started sexting, explicit messages telling her what he wanted to do to her and a photo of his erection. As far as I can tell, they actually haven't slept together but it seems like they both want/plan to. I don't know how to move forward from this. One part of me says it isn't cheating "nothing" has happened but it's not just the sexual content that upsets me, I'm so heartbroken he's so infatuated by her and that he actually pursued her. I never thought he was that type of man. I also see this woman at the school gate I'll have to control myself not to slap her.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 30/10/2017 21:15

Wow! Unbelievable how he just ascribed it and left. Maybe he's glad you know and is free to try and get her away from her husband.

SupridinSurprisingly now he's exposed she may lose interest.

Affairs thrive in darkness and secrecy. Shed some light on it and the thrill disappear.

Your friend can help get the OWs husbands name and once you have them, you can decide if/ when to contact him.

Can you take some time of work? Phone in sick. I know it's term time, but you won't br in the right frame of mind to teach.

Ploppie4 · 30/10/2017 21:15

Not sure what the friends talking to Friends will achieve. Sorry. Yes probably best to quietly pull together together with your kids and sister.

SandyY2K · 30/10/2017 21:16

he just accepted

magentastights · 30/10/2017 21:16

Do you know where he’s gone, OP?

Branleuse · 30/10/2017 21:19

im so sorry this has happened to you. God what an utter cunt he is.

MyfatheristheKing · 30/10/2017 21:24

Sounds like you are so well rid user I probably would tell her husband, or at least just show him the screen shots.

WineAndTiramisu · 30/10/2017 21:26

If I were the husband I'd want to know. But whether that's the best way forwards for you right now, you need to think about.
Good luck x

DarthMaiden · 30/10/2017 21:27

The OP is under no obligation to tell the husband unless she feels it’s in interests to do so.

Personally it’s something I’d consider to be a far lower priority than working out what to tell the children, gathering financial information together (mortgage, pension, bank accounts etc) and booking an appointment with a solicitor.

My expectation is that upon leaving, her “D”H has told the OW their liaison has been discovered. She’s then got limited choices. She can tell her husband because she’s decided to leave him for an unconsummated relationship because it’s “written in the stars”.

Or she will realise she’s been a fool and can tell her husband and beg forgiveness because (as described by the OP) it’s a small town and it’s bound to come out, so better she breaks the news.

Lastly she can end it with the OP’s DH, delete the evidence from her side hope to god her husband doesn’t find out and live with guilt whilst being consumed with anxiety that he’ll find out from someone else - which he likely will at some point.

Whatever happens the OP doesn’t have to proactively do anything other than tell a few key people why she and her DH have parted ways. The local jungle drums will do the rest, unless she chooses to keep it private.

Greedynan · 30/10/2017 21:30

Too right he doesn't want her husband knowing; there may well be fallback on him of course. I'm so sorry for you and your dc. What despicable selfish and mindless behaviour. Her DH should know. Sending huge hugs to you xxxx

Anasnake · 30/10/2017 21:33

I would tell the husband and let dh and ow deal with their own mess. They made their bed, let them lie in it, you owe them nothing op.

Anasnake · 30/10/2017 21:34

And good luck, I've been there, it's fucking horrible Flowers

Original poster
user58104372 · 30/10/2017 21:40

Right now telling her DH is not my priority, my children and our finances are above telling him. I do believe he deserves to know but maybe not from me.

OP posts:
Funnyonion17 · 30/10/2017 21:50

Sorry this has happed to you Op but please don't excuse this as pathological. Many men and women cheat and lust that way, it's often described as limerance. He always had a choice, he chose this.

lollipop7 · 30/10/2017 21:54

@user58104372 I totally agree.
Put YOUR priorities first.

How are you feeling and is your friend still there?

yetmorecrap · 30/10/2017 21:54

OP, I suspect if she wants nothing to do with your DH and neither do you he may turn vindictive, that way it will come out anyway. Concentrate on your children and keeping your strength up, do drink water and smoothies if you feel you can’t eat and take vitamin pills, it does help

Ploppie4 · 30/10/2017 21:55

Are you ok house eise snd financially?

splatattack · 30/10/2017 21:57

If it were me I would tell him, which is why I think you are being amazing OP! You have your priorities straight...Flowers

NameWithChange · 30/10/2017 22:04

I think his thinking is that he doesn't want to ruin his chances of getting some from her. If her husband knows the likelihood is less for him! Wanker.

Anasnake · 30/10/2017 22:09

He's living in fantasy land and needs a big reality check, wanker

Original poster
user58104372 · 30/10/2017 22:14

My friend just left. She couldn't believe it either. She read some of the messages she was incredibly disgusted. I feel OK, still very sad. I'm going back in circles about feeling that I let myself go. It's not my fault I know, but now I'm going through every detail of our sex life trying to figure out when did it all go downhill

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 30/10/2017 22:17

Please don’t blame yourself, if he had any issues he should have brought them up, not just checked out , leaving you in the dark

lollipop7 · 30/10/2017 22:19

@user58104372 please don’t do that to yourself, it’s heartbreaking.
This is not of your making.

Cary2012 · 30/10/2017 22:21

This is a fantasy for your H. In his head he's obsessing over bum in lycra and her body parts (wtf?) like a teenage lad pouring over his first porn mag. His boundaries are blurred because he is totally in lust with the idea of her. Unfortunately he has lost all sense of reality.

Reality is you, his wife and his kids.

So you must give him the reality check he needs. His grubby little obsession is cringeworthy in its seediness. Blow it out into the open and shine a laser beam right across him and lingerie clad lycra bum.

Her husband is a grown man and can and will and must deal with the truth. Tell your grubby H that he has 24 hours to tell lycra bum to tell him or you will.

Tell the village OP. Why the hell not. The shame is theirs to share and theirs alone.

Keep your dignity, speak your truth, lean on friends. You are worth more than the grubby pair of them.

threeandmeandthedog · 30/10/2017 22:23

OP this is not your fault. This is his, 100%.
Please be kind to yourself. X

Original poster
user58104372 · 30/10/2017 22:25

Well it was all sex and lust. By what he said it sounded like he didn't even know he needed so much until he met her.

OP posts: