Caught DH sexting another woman

[user58104372]

Can't sleep as I just found this a few hours ago. DH is a great man, we've been together for 13 years, married last year two beautiful DC 5 and 9. He's always been very supportive of me, helped get a degree so I could become a teacher, helps around the house, great dad. I don't know how long it has been going on for, I had no interest in reading too many details if all the conversations they had on FB. She's a mum from school, we're not friends, but my best friend is friends with her, she's married and as far as I would know lives a happy life. I don't even know how they "met" , but it seems that one day DH noticed her and started obsessing over her. Of what I can tell from their messages (there were too many of them), he's the one who pursued her and she didn't put any resistance. I read how he called her "possibly the most beautiful human being on earth" for instance. At some point they started sexting, explicit messages telling her what he wanted to do to her and a photo of his erection. As far as I can tell, they actually haven't slept together but it seems like they both want/plan to. I don't know how to move forward from this. One part of me says it isn't cheating "nothing" has happened but it's not just the sexual content that upsets me, I'm so heartbroken he's so infatuated by her and that he actually pursued her. I never thought he was that type of man. I also see this woman at the school gate I'll have to control myself not to slap her.

Jesus Christ. What an absolute prick.

Have you contacted anyone in rl OP? If your DSis can't come round maybe now would be the time to let your bf know so you have some support.

Oh please millifiori.
Let's not analyse our buttholes here.
No excuses for being a prick. Sorry.

As for little miss protected, she wasn't so 'Who, little innocent moi?' when she sent lingerie pics. He may have pursued her but she was more than delighted to stroke his proverbial dick, aka male ego.

Strength OP! Strength!

Speechless

How well do you know ow? Whole thing is very strange, him becoming obsessed with this woman, how did he meet her? Then her reciprocating even sending lingerie pics even though shes married with kids. Most women would run a mile if some creep started pestering them like that. Hope your ok op. Your husband sounds like a nutjob.

I don't understand

If he truly wanted to be with her why wouldn't he want her husband to know?

Either 1) he doesn't want to be with her properly, or 2) he knows deep down she doesn't want to be him enough to leave her marriage which is why he doesn't want the husband to know as it'll mean the end to their little 'thing'. I'm more inclined to think it's this one

Know two things OP. Chances are this woman is not interested in your husband in terms of leaving her husband and life for yours. But even if she DOES want that and it happens, their relationship would be built on lies and mistrust.

Give it a few weeks/months and he'll realise what he's done when he realises this woman is not leaving her husband for him. He'll be crawling back.

Yes, my BF will be here after her DC have gone to bed. Maybe he wants to save her reputation? This is a small town after all.

Really sorry op that must have been awful

I feel so sad for you, what an abs arse. I was hoping I was wrong and he would fight for yr marriage, :(.

Where you go from here, get your sister over, don't be on yr own, personally her husband would be told now. She doesn't deserve protecting, yea he pursued, she complied, she sent underwear shots ffs, perfect one to be sending her dh.

OP, if he wants to protect her, and you have proof of what happened (eg screenshots) then you are in a strong negotiating position. He really won't want you to send them to her OH. And once she finds out that you know, she is going to be angry with him for being so careless, and he is really really not going to want you to send them to her OH

First of all OP im sorry that the bastard has done this to you. You are so bloody strong

Second of all. His level of obsession is actually worrying me. She is not innocent in this by any means. But just some of the things he has said is really putting me on edge. He sounds like a deranged stalker. Unfortunately she has reciprocated and I get the feeling that if she doesn’t leave her husband for him, he is going to turn into an actual window peeping crazy stalker.

No idea what you can do about that but I’m creeped out by his level of obsession over an unknown person and the objectification he is seeing of her. ‘Studying her body’ im worried he isn’t quite sane and is on the path to some dangerous behaviour!

He hasn't slept with her, hasn't spent any time with her, he doesn't even know the woman. It's a obsessive flirty texting factuation (although it's gone past the borders of flirting I know) He is obsessed with how she looks. Once he gets to know her (if he ever does) and once the sex is done it's just another standard relationship which will no longer be a factuation. Do you know what I'm getting at? It's the fantasy of sleeping with her etc. She could be a bitch for all we know, with a shit sense of humour.
It's only then he will realise what he has lost. If she doesn't turn out to be this amazing woman he thinks she is. It's very odd he doesn't want to try to be with her, by ensuring her husband doesn't find out. Which again tells me it's the thrill of it all with a married woman. I'm pretty sure she would not want her husband to find out and will fuck him off once she knows this.
If you tell her husband it may entice them together - who knows. But she now deserves misery by her husband finding out. And he needs to see the proof. I hope those lingerie pics has her face on and you have them? Let him kick her out like a dog too.

I actually agree with mamahanji

I have a horrible feeling in my stomach reading this, I can’t even imagine the pain you’re feeling it’s a horrible physical pain!

You’ll find the strength to get through this

she was pursued because she allowed it I am guessing. she doesn't sound innocent. she might have had affairs before.

Not that there is anything you can do about his gross behaviour! But I do think tell her husband is the right thing to do as a) he deserves to know. And b) that removes the forbidden, hidden excitement for them which is just so very wrong to their families and bloody spouses.

Take away his dirty little secret. It won’t feel so good in the cold like of day.

I’m sure you’re still in shock OP. I hope you have RL support with you now as the reality of the situation will begin to hit you soon.
It sounds like your husband has turned into a complete stranger overnight. He sounds like he’s lost it saying he’s obsessed with her.
I’m pleased you’ve outed his sick little secret. Let’s see how much they think of each other now they have the judgement and opinion of others to contend with.
I’m sure the self absorbed twats will have the wind knocked out of them when they realise that their worlds are made up of more than what’s in between their legs and the ‘thrill of the chase’.
Pretty grim examples to their DC too.

Nothing to add other than I’m sorry this has happened OP. 🌺

As hard as it is do not contact the husband as one families lives have already been ruined. I have been in this situation and at first all you want to do is hurt the partner of the other woman and ruin their family too. Let her do it herself, she is the one who should admit all. Do not be surprised if your partner comes scurrying back later once the other woman realises you know and she may quickly decide she wants to save her relationship.

What a time to happen too - not like the timing has anything to do with it or makes a difference. But Halloween & Christmas just around the corner with your DC. Oh I'm so sorry OP. I don't know what to say.

I’m so sorry to hear the OP.

You’ve done a great job at staying composed I know I probably would have self combusted in a fit of violent rage if it were me!

Your H sounds like a complete narcissist and definitely creepy in the way he’s spoken to the OW, like skin crawling.

You deserve so much better and when he comes crawling back trying to grovel for forgiveness saying it was senseless and he was just feeling lonely or whatever BS excuse he believes vindicates his behaviour you need to walk away, you will never look at him the same way again.

Good luck and again I’m so sorry this is happening to your family.

As a PP has stated, this obsession is for someone he doesn’t know at all.
So far as you know, they’ve not slept together or even spent time in each other’s company (correct me if I’m wrong) so essentially he’s obsessed with a stranger which makes it even more unnerving.
What an absolute prick (literally!).
Why are their cocks worth more to them than (if not the woman they love) their DC? I just don’t get it
As they push send on their dick pic whilst the wife & DC are in the next room do they not hesitate? Feel remorse/regret? Is it really just me, myself & I.
I’ll never understand.

I’m so sorry OP, this is horrendous. Thinking of you.

He said that It's not fair on her husband if you tell him but it's fair they text each other disgusting filthy things- they didn't seem to give a f* then did they?!

So sorry OP. You deserve so much better than this

Get screenshots before he deletes everything so you can send them to her husband!