Caught DH sexting another woman

[user58104372]

Can't sleep as I just found this a few hours ago. DH is a great man, we've been together for 13 years, married last year two beautiful DC 5 and 9. He's always been very supportive of me, helped get a degree so I could become a teacher, helps around the house, great dad. I don't know how long it has been going on for, I had no interest in reading too many details if all the conversations they had on FB. She's a mum from school, we're not friends, but my best friend is friends with her, she's married and as far as I would know lives a happy life. I don't even know how they "met" , but it seems that one day DH noticed her and started obsessing over her. Of what I can tell from their messages (there were too many of them), he's the one who pursued her and she didn't put any resistance. I read how he called her "possibly the most beautiful human being on earth" for instance. At some point they started sexting, explicit messages telling her what he wanted to do to her and a photo of his erection. As far as I can tell, they actually haven't slept together but it seems like they both want/plan to. I don't know how to move forward from this. One part of me says it isn't cheating "nothing" has happened but it's not just the sexual content that upsets me, I'm so heartbroken he's so infatuated by her and that he actually pursued her. I never thought he was that type of man. I also see this woman at the school gate I'll have to control myself not to slap her.

Thinking of you OP. Stay strong.

Gosh, what a horrible discovery. I think you are doing brilliantly and making very sensible decisions. Good for you. Let us know you're OK afterwards. What a stupid man.

Sending strength and support your way OP. What a horrible bastard he is. His actions are NO reflection on you. Please do let this make you feel insecure. You do NOT deserve this and he better not blame you in any way.

user581 - I hope your h does one decent thing and leaves quietly tonight. Don't tell the children anything yet but be prepared for him calling her and it getting out. Hold your head up high. You've done nothing wrong.

Good luck

Good luck user, Dont let him walk all over you

Find your inner tiger and roar for your kids. Yes indeed! Great advice!

Oh my goodness- my heart is in my mouth. I want to bitch slap them both and knock their heads together. It's all so revolting.

Do you think you'll tell her DH. OP?

He can tell me whatever he wants but he doesn't love me anymore and I don't want to be in a marriage when only one person has love to give.

^^ This is so true.

He's just left. He didn't deny it, he didn't even downplayed it. He said it was the first time he's ever done anything like this.

Was he upset? Remorseful?
He'll regret this every day for the rest of his life. Some people never realise what they have until it's gone. Hope you're ok x

Well done

Maybe he was in shock at being caught? I hope you're OK OP.

Well done but you must be devastated. Can you call a friend in rl?

Oh OP. don’t know whether to feel relieved on your behalf that he didn’t insult your intelligence by denying it or outraged that he just went without any fuss. He must be in shock that his secret is out. Sending lots of strength...

Well done. Hope you're ok. I imagine he was completely shocked and caught out and the bullshit justifications will come later.

Get a friend/your sister round if you can. Such a hard time for you.

Did he say how sorry he was, apologise, show remorse...?

Don't say he just calmly walked out?

He said it was a crush that he let evolve into a full blown obsession. It was very painful to hear from. His very own mouth that for months he couldn't think about anything else but her. He accepts full responsibility, he even wants to protect her. He told me loved me, he always will, I'm the mother of his children. He'd like for all of us to remain a family and then he left.

Shit.
How are you after all of that?

He sounds like a narcissist. Idolise, devalue, discard. He’s in the idolise phase with this school mum and discarding you. Narcissists are very good at appearing to be everything you want. But they can’t keep it up. They have a short attention span. Stay strong. You can do much better. You have more going for you without someone like him.

Protect her how? Does he mean remain a family as in to try to stay together or it's over but to be amicable?
How are you after this conversation?

Interesting that he wants to protect her as if she is his first priority and yet still be a family. His family should have been priority above all else and certainly over his cock.

Take time to look after yourself. Tell friends and family and use them for support. Don't keep his dirty secret.

Right now he doesn't matter nor does what he wants.

He still put her first and there doesn't sound like any passion for you.

I think her H does deserve to know what a sleaze she is. However that is for you to decide.

Nah, sorry. She doesn't deserve protection. Not from him or you.
What an idiot. Really. Saying you are the mother of his children and wanting to remain a family doesn't exactly scream that he loves you as a woman in your own right.

he wants to protect her

That tells you everything you need to know.

I hope her DH finds out.

He is putting her first I agree with PP by the whole protecting thing. He didn't even fight for his marriage.
However, this won't be the last you will hear from him. It's all just happened. It will take a few days for him to realise what he's actually done and the consequences of it.