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Original poster

DH wants Holiday extension i dont help AIBU???

135 replies

Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 07:51

We are waiting to go to breakfast on out last morning in Spain. Weather and hotel lush . Husband woke up this morning saying he wants to pay around 600 quid and stay till tomorrow night. To be clear - That means cancelling our flights at 1pm , extending our hotel booking and flying home to a different airport 2hours away from where our car is . So aibu to not want to ?

OP posts:
Whinesalot · 27/10/2017 09:47

I can't get over that he overrode your feelings enough to actually get to the point of checking whether there was availability.

Is he controlling normally? Do you normally give in to his wishes? Why were you so passive and why did you go along with it? Why did you feel unable to just say no, that's a stupid idea?
I think you need to think hard about mutual respect and being in an equal relationship. Because I don't think you have it and you should. Perhaps marriage guidance if he's genuinely a decent bloke but you struggle to assert your needs and wants. If he's a controlling arse get yourself to the Solicitor pronto.

FizzyGreenWater · 27/10/2017 09:48

I think you've got your answer on whether this is a marriage worth being in!

Sorry it's so stressful x

C0untDucku1a · 27/10/2017 09:48

Alton towers have offers on Atm. You could get two nights in the enchanted village for £600 and change

pudding21 · 27/10/2017 09:49

Perhaps he had no intention to stay another day, he was testing you. He sounds very controlling and it doesn't sound like your holiday was fun in the first place. He's also not working, so you'd have paid I imagine??
I feel for you, silent treatment when the kids are around is horrible.

ElizaDontlittle · 27/10/2017 09:56

This was really unfair and unkind of him, Curtains - if what he pulled this morning is representative of the bigger issues then you are definitely best following through with leaving him. He is damaging your children and their relationship with you and the only way you'll save that is to get out. He won't change - he's no intention of even really trying.
Safe journey home. Enjoy your weekend with the DC. Keep talking/writing.

BewareOfDragons · 27/10/2017 09:57

I'm afraid it sounds like he broke it, but wants to make it look like you did.

Good luck, OP. I suspect it's going to be a rough landing at home.

Olddear · 27/10/2017 10:14

He definitely did check for availability....??

LazyDailyMailJournos · 27/10/2017 10:22

Sounds like you need to have a good long chat with him when you get home. One thing in particular that I would be asking him to explain, is how he feels it is appropriate to emotionally manipulate the children so that you look like the bad guy?

user1494670108 · 27/10/2017 12:28

Oh dear, what a twat, I think you have some serious thinking and talking to do but drawing the children in is so immature and unfair of him.
The end of a great holiday should be celebrated by talking about all the lovely things you’ve done and consoling yourselves with what you’re looking forward to seeing and doing when you get back. It sounds like your children are able for that.
I think maybe the pp suggesting that he doesn’t want to face what happens when you get home might be right.

rookiemere · 27/10/2017 12:56

OP I'm glad it's sorted, but what a nasty end to your holiday.
FWIW I'm not sure that a family holiday should be made into a make or break for a relationship. I love DH dearly, but spend many parts of our holidays with DS muttering under my breath due to our different personalities and way of doing things being thrown into sharp focus.

Is it possible to go away for a weekend, just the two of you, if you still want to be with him that is ?

InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/10/2017 14:07

Does he pull shit like this regularly? Take something all sorted and then decide to change it all for something more fun, that creates a shitload of work and stress?

RubyRed2017 · 27/10/2017 14:36

What an utter twat. He has ruined the end of your holiday with this stupid idea and the hotel didn't even have a room.
Sorry OP but I bet this isn't the first time he has pulled this shit, is it?

Original poster
Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 21:13

Aaaannnd breathe !! Plane was delayed taking off and landing because of a poor poor man having a mini fit - He was ok by the time we landed. So it has been a long long day for everyone. We got in ( We live 2 hours from airport) and I have started washing mountain, made beds, fed and bathed kids , put to bed and have just sat down to reread all your excellent posts whilst DH went to gym and has now gone to the pub Hmm sigh.
He did confess that the rebooting of flights alone would have been in the region of 1800 pound - let alone hotel , food and alcohol and transfers. Blimey.
There are lots of really good points - to the lady that had rearranged everything to do with her holidays in two hours after monarch went bust- amazing ! I feel really cross still that , even though nothing came of it , We spent the morning emotionally wrangling. I don't usually ask for opinions on MN unless I can really do with a reality check. I know everyone talks straight and sometimes I get myself in such a state I can't think very clearly . So mumsnet is brill for that and you are all amazing for taking the time to post an answer - genuinely thank u all xx
It was a shit way to end the holiday .

OP posts:
Original poster
Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 21:17

And to those of you who asked - Yes he does this sort of thing ALOT. Under the heading ' I am spontaneous and we have to seize the day in case we die tomorrow ' type thing. After all these years I think that's why my anxiety levels are high most of the time. Nothing is ever a given or fixed in stone. He truly believes that people will either forgive or work round him and his agenda. And if I even give off a whiff of negativity or anxiety he gets really offended !

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 27/10/2017 21:23

Jesus what a dick. Gym and the pub while you sort everything out and he’s not even employed?! What are his good points? Does he think that division of labour (100% you) was fair?

Original poster
Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 21:30

Well to be honest - It's worth it to know I can go to bed on my own in a bit and finish my holiday book that he got annoyed I was trying to read. Peace reigns in my house right now which is so lovely. I realise i am making him sound like a dick - i am really no Angel I promise. I But glad ianbu in a lot of these things - It's such a relief.

OP posts:
Original poster
Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 21:34

I have posted before when he was made redundant - He has worked for a big firm got a big pay out. I posted because he wanted to pursue a change in career and I was concerned . Ideas like inflatable hire, buying and driving a private double decker etc so he has been off now for 2 months. And plans to take off till after Christmas ...aaaghConfused

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 27/10/2017 23:33

I remember your previous threads! Nobody would judge you harshly for leaving him...

Original poster
Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 23:45

Thank you - c0unt ...x it's not that I am ignoring or disregarding peoples' advice and thoughts on previous threads - I take it all on board always. I just need MN as a lifeline to my sanity sometimes when it all gets a bit much. I know it's hardly life or death but MN is good for sensible, balanced opinions. This is why I ask for help ! And I appreciate people taking the time to answer x Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 23:46

And btw I did take advice and never met up with the ex Blush I realised that was not a good idea.

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 28/10/2017 01:00

Peace reigns in my house right now which is so lovely.
Imagine - it could be like that all the time if you left him.

I realise i am making him sound like a dick
Well you just stated the facts - and yes he sounds like a dick. Could that be because he is one?

i am really no Angel I promise.
None of us are.

I But glad ianbu in a lot of these things
He's got you second-guessing yourself - and now he is at the gym letting you do all the parenting.

It's such a relief
Significant isn't it that you talk of peace and relief in connection with him not being there. You are right - he is probably the cause of a lot of the stress/anxiety you feel.

WoooooOfOnesGroan · 28/10/2017 01:40

I remember your other thread. This man will be up to no good before you know it. He is a thrill-seeker and needs to believe his life hasn't become routine. That's not really promising for long-term monogamous relationships.

DancesWithOtters · 28/10/2017 01:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Curtains77 · 28/10/2017 09:05

Kait- I like your style - succinct and it has made me look at the way I say things and the why perhaps. Good points! You are all such night owls !! Wooo and dances - Thank you - believe me fwiw I am working up to that. Am saving and have a plan. Since our temp separation I have never felt 100% committed to our marriage - I feel disconnected and the holiday definately brought that into focus . So will see how this all ends Hmm0

OP posts:
MadMags · 28/10/2017 09:13

Jesus! Get rid!