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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH wants Holiday extension i dont help AIBU???

135 replies

Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 07:51

We are waiting to go to breakfast on out last morning in Spain. Weather and hotel lush . Husband woke up this morning saying he wants to pay around 600 quid and stay till tomorrow night. To be clear - That means cancelling our flights at 1pm , extending our hotel booking and flying home to a different airport 2hours away from where our car is . So aibu to not want to ?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 27/10/2017 08:33

It's a beautiful day here in UK.

category12 · 27/10/2017 08:34

Actually I would say yes in this situation, if it's make or break. I imagine if you turn round and say yes, he'll either still be in a mood cos "you spoilt it already" etc or he'll back off from the idea and will try to take it back, (placing the blame still on you). But you'll know then that there is no winning with him. £600 is not the end of the world when pitched against "trying for the marriage".

Original poster
Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 08:35

Yes - all good points thank you. Point being he is currently redundant and so can afford to not come back . So although th3 money is loads to me it's not a thing in the bigger picture as it were . Sorry if that sounds spoilt . I just struggle as I do feel ambushed as someone put it. And yes it is a snapshot of our matriage. And I don't like change of plans at all last minuite. Maybe there is an element of me being unwavering. Losing the will to fight a bit now..Hmm

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 27/10/2017 08:35

Well, you've got your answer about whether the holiday was make or break. Solicitor appointment for you when you get back? You'll need the £600.

LIZS · 27/10/2017 08:36

Agree he is setting you up to be the killjoy. Would it be down to you to sort out how you get home from alternative airport by any chance.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 27/10/2017 08:38

Involving the children to make you look like the bad guy is outrageous.

This is the kind of thing you discuss privately then announce to the children when you've come to an agreement.

Olddear · 27/10/2017 08:38

No way! £600 and one day and all the inconvenience it involves will not sort out the problems in your relationship. What's going to happen in one more day in the sun that couldn't have been resolved in the days you've already been there?

ShiftyMcGifty · 27/10/2017 08:39

I'd reverse this on him - it's a make or break and he just broke it. This is why we're getting divorced, I'd tell him. You couldn't even go x days without pulling this shite on us, could you?
He is trying to shift the blame but has failed to realise he's giving you the perfect reason for why it won't work.

BarbaraofSevillle · 27/10/2017 08:41

It's a stupid idea. Go home today as planned and spend a fraction of the £600 doing something nice together at the weekend.

I'd be surprised that it is 'only' £600 tbh for an extra night's stay and 4 new flights at a day's notice, plus how do you plan to get home and recover your car, from the new airport? They are usually £££s. There's probably penalty charges for overstaying your car park booking too.

category12 · 27/10/2017 08:43

I reckon he's bluffing and if you say yes, he'll spin on a dime.

Aussiebean · 27/10/2017 08:45

Make sure he does ALL the planning and rearranging if you do stay.

Do none of it. He rings the airline, rebooks everything and organises you all getting back to the car

Aussiebean · 27/10/2017 08:46

Say sure. I will be by the pool while you rebook it all.

whiskyowl · 27/10/2017 08:46

It sounds as though he doesn't want to confront what the holiday has revealed - that his marriage is over?

GrumpyOldBag · 27/10/2017 08:50

Go home. Spend £600 on a luxury weekend in a nice hotel in the UK when you get back.

KitKat1985 · 27/10/2017 08:50

£600 for one extra night in Spain - nope! To put that in our context our entire 10 night break to Lanzarote in Feb (2 adults, 2 kids) is only £1200. And it'll be an utter pain to go back to an airport 2 hours from where the car is.

How about compromising and saying can you go home today but in exchange you can all do something really nice tomorrow with some of the money you'll have saved by not going away for the extra night?

Not trying to be pessimistic here either but I don't think 1 extra night in Spain is going to save your marriage, especially if you don't even want to stay anyway.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/10/2017 08:51

YANBU. £600 is a lot to pay for one day and you'd spend most of that time preparing to come home anyway.

Hobbitfeet32 · 27/10/2017 08:51

Call his bluff and say yes. I bet he’ll change his mind.

Willow2017 · 27/10/2017 08:51

You will soend half the day reorganising everything so hardly a relaxed day.
Plus it will cost more for parking and getting home.
What a ridiculous idea. £600 down the drain. If its not fixed now one more day isnt going to be a magic cure.
Tell him he is being ridiculous to waste that money on basically half a day and you and kids are going. What he does is up to him.

If your holiday has been stressed and he is making it worse you have to do a lot of thinking when you get home. He is doing this to put the blame on you for your broken relationship and using the kids as his pawns. Pathetic behaviour for a father.

DinkyDaisy · 27/10/2017 08:51

Not on for him to use kids as pawns....

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/10/2017 08:53

Just reading this brings me out in cold sweat. The above poser is 100% right - you'll spend half a day sorting this out, it'll be stressful amd then you have to leave tomorrow anyway Confused

InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/10/2017 08:54

If you can afford the £600, call his bluff and say yes, but he sorts it all, including getting you home and collecting the car. Say you think it's a stupid idea but are sick of having to be his mum as well as the dcs, so sure, go for it. You won't be pigeon holed as the "bad guy".

Get yourself another cup of coffee. Accept an extra day, refuse to sort any of this for him.

HotelEuphoria · 27/10/2017 08:57

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to gguest on every count:

  1. Pointless when you are probably already in "going home" mode.
  2. Waste of money, this would pay for a European city break on Jet2.com or similar.
  3. How on earth will you get from the airport home or to the other airport to collect your car?
  4. If your marriage is struggling one day is not going to make the slightest bit of difference.

What an idiot.

Cricrichan · 27/10/2017 08:57

I think this explains why you're having marital problems. What an immature and manipulative way to act. This will not in any way help to 'make' the relationship. Unless you've got personal assistants to sort out all the cancellations and bookings and a driver to take you home and loads of money, then this really is an incredibly stupid idea.

And to get the kids involved in disgusting. Go home as planned and I think you have your answer regarding your relationship.

RidingWindhorses · 27/10/2017 08:58

On a make or break holiday this would be 'break' for me. The utter stupidity of paying that much for an extra day which you will spend a large part of on rearrangements. The manipulativeness of involving the children. If he's redundant then he can't afford the £600 even if he can afford the time.

This would be a deciding factor for me. He's an idiot.

TheMaddHugger · 27/10/2017 08:58

Aussiebean Fri 27-Oct-17 08:45:34
Make sure he does ALL the planning and rearranging if you do stay.

Do none of it. He rings the airline, rebooks everything and organises you all getting back to the car

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