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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH wants Holiday extension i dont help AIBU???

135 replies

Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 07:51

We are waiting to go to breakfast on out last morning in Spain. Weather and hotel lush . Husband woke up this morning saying he wants to pay around 600 quid and stay till tomorrow night. To be clear - That means cancelling our flights at 1pm , extending our hotel booking and flying home to a different airport 2hours away from where our car is . So aibu to not want to ?

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 27/10/2017 08:58

He's being excessively coercive, manipulating the children and trying to extend something that wasn't even enjoyable in the first place, at a ridiculously inflated price. Of course you shouldn't stay.

However... I don't think a holiday is a great place for 'make or break' anyway. 'Make or break' needs to work in normal conditions. A month of sustained effort in the home would be a start. There's no point hinging things on one week in the sun.

RidingWindhorses · 27/10/2017 08:58

Snap Cric

C0untDucku1a · 27/10/2017 09:00

If this was make or break then his behaviour this morning is surely the break. If you have to put up with such unreasonable behaviour from him for the marriage, whats he doing for you? Save the £600 for a weekend away with friends when youve kicked his arse out.

I totally agree with shifty mcgifty

SilverSpot · 27/10/2017 09:00

Do you think he really wanted to stay, or did he want to put you in a position where he could blame you for the holiday being bad?

^This!

Mix56 · 27/10/2017 09:01

exactly, he can spend his extra day on the phone reorganising, flights, taxi & paying & re packing. He is putting kids in kids club
its going to a great day, enjoy it by the pool
Alone

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 27/10/2017 09:06

Suggest 2 days extra. He does the rearranging and chill. Throw him a curve ball
X

Olddear · 27/10/2017 09:06

Tell him you, sadly, have to go home but he can stay with the kids....and make sure the kids are there when you say it!

Yell0wlabel · 27/10/2017 09:08

£600 is alot and would fund a family weekend away in the future or days out. I would not stay the extra day. It's also a lot to spend if he has been made redundant

Deux · 27/10/2017 09:09

You could say that clearly it means a lot for him to have an extra days holiday so he can stay with the kids but you're going home as planned.

Bet he'd soon change his mind.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 27/10/2017 09:10

Actually, I'd stay but let him take responsibility for everything: changing the flights, dealing with the hotel, and dealing with the arrangements at the other end. Refuse to engage.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 27/10/2017 09:14

I certainly wouldn’t ‘refuse to engage’ - presumably you’d like to enjoy the rest of the holiday.

PerfectPenquins · 27/10/2017 09:17

As it was a make or break holiday that you say didn’t got well does that mean your splitting up? Is it possibly in that case that he is trying to hold on to an extra day as your last holiday all together?

Whinesalot · 27/10/2017 09:19

You need to book that solicitors appointment as soon as you go home.

I get that feeling of wanting to stay longer but £600 for one night and all the rearranging and car problems make it a stupid idea.
Worse is that instead of a discussion where he accepts it's a stupid decision and that you just don't want to, he's continuing the emotional blackmail to get his own way. The normal reaction would be a bit of disappointment but acceptance of you saying no.

Underparmummy · 27/10/2017 09:20

Agree with you going and him having the kids if he wants to stay so much!

Whinesalot · 27/10/2017 09:22

Perfectpenguin has a good point.
If he has sensed that this is the end of the road for your relationship he might just be trying to hang on to you all for that bit longer.

Still a stupid idea though.

BarbaraofSevillle · 27/10/2017 09:22

The time and effort of rearranging is a red herring. I had to rearrange our flights, cat sitter, car hire and airport parking when Monarch went bust 2 days before we were due to go on holiday and it probably took less than an hour to find and book new flights, cancel and rebook car hire for a different time and let the cat sitter and car parking people know we were travelling at different times.

I had most of the arrangements sorted before DP even got out of bed on the Monday the announcement was made.

it's the cost (which I still think will be more than £600, it's probably nearly half that for the extra night in a hotel, extra evening meal and food bought tomorrow for a start) and general ridiculouslness of the idea really.

Olddear · 27/10/2017 09:23

......or, alternatively, he could be setting you up to fail.

AlternativeTentacle · 27/10/2017 09:24

I hope you are furiously packing right now, and that is why you can't post.

AnnaT45 · 27/10/2017 09:26

If you’re going to stay do two extra days and try fly back to your airport where the car is!

Agree he can do all the admin. You should relax

Original poster
Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 09:30

We are packed and in taxi now. The hotel could not accommodate us. Very silent in here right now . I feel like no-one has won. Thank u all so much xxx

OP posts:
MrsFezziwig · 27/10/2017 09:33

Suggest you go home has planned and then say you’ll have a day trip to Alton Towers (or similar), and see what the kids say then! Grin
(I presume they’re old enough to enjoy a theme park since he seems to have involved them in the decision making).
And you may be able to afford the £600 now but you probably won’t once you split up, as it doesn’t seem he’s likely to be the most reasonable of ex-husbands.

AlternativeTentacle · 27/10/2017 09:33

Phew. Fortune was on your side with the hotel. Safe travels.

MrsFezziwig · 27/10/2017 09:34

Glad it was sorted. Hope things resolve to your satisfaction. Flowers

Ttbb · 27/10/2017 09:34

YANBU. Tat sounds extremely stressful.

Original poster
Curtains77 · 27/10/2017 09:37

Thanks xx was a bit of a relief if i am honest x good idea about theme park and yes not feeling too optimistic 're marriage as feel wrung out now! But will see. Kids are ok looking forward to football match tomorrow seeing friends. Bless them x

OP posts:
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