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Original poster

Boyfriend staying over but paying zero

116 replies

ivedoneitnow · 26/10/2017 23:13

Been dating for 18 months. He adores me and I love him too. He's amazing to me and my two kids. I work full time. I own my own house and he lives with parents. I'm independent and love living in my own home. Bills come to £1200 a month. He isn't in regular work and makes and sells things for money. His income is very variable. He's stayed over every night for the last 9 weeks and I love having him here but he pays zero towards my bills / helps me out financially. We take turns paying when eating out. Came home tonight to him being here, he's had a shower and drinking while I'm not even in from work. I'm struggling financially and overdrawn, waiting for payday. I feel resentful that he's staying here for free and living the dream. What should I do?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 26/10/2017 23:16

Say "I'm skint. If you like living here please (get a proper job and) start paying your way"
Section in brackets optional

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/10/2017 23:18

You're not doing him any favours whatsoever, and certainly not doing yourself any favours.

Sit him down and say, "Do you realise that it costs me more money when you're here? You know I'm broke and you don't contribute. I can't do it any more. You need to stay in your own home and eat there. If you stay over, you have to contribute to my bills. It's not fair otherwise."

If he objects, remind him how many times he's stayed over the last nine weeks.

GreenTulips · 26/10/2017 23:19

Talk to him about house hold bills

Assume yours have increased whilst he's been living there? Food heating hot water electricity (even TV and light while you're at work) does he wash his clothes and iron them at yours?

Tell home the bills come to X and you'd like £150 a week to cover his share - cheaper than renting!

Hermonie2016 · 26/10/2017 23:20

How old is he?

I am not sure how you can find this attractive, he's scrounging off you when he knows you don't have much money.

If he's over 30 there is very little chance he will change.

Speak to him about it but I doubt change will be permanent.

Your resentment is valid, can you imagine treating someone you care about like this?

serialcheat · 26/10/2017 23:22

Cocklodger

wobblywonderwoman · 26/10/2017 23:25

Don't allow this .. No way.

Tell him it gas been nice having him stay but enough is enough. LPP

gamerchick · 26/10/2017 23:29

He’s a wannabe cocklodger. Tell him you can’t afford to have him there all the time and he has to go home.

gamerchick · 26/10/2017 23:30

My ex is like this, finds single mums to attach himself to being the parasite he is. He’s 44 and will never change.

Goosegrass · 26/10/2017 23:31

Has he always lived with his parents? He may have no idea what things cost or that using electricity and water and loo paper and milk etc makes a difference. If that’s the case I’d worry,

butterfly56 · 26/10/2017 23:33

He's a sponger and he knows it!
You will always be taking care of this manchild!
He sees it as your role to provide for him unfortunately.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 26/10/2017 23:33

He hasn't offered? What a total cock. Show's what he thinks of you, i.e. he doesn't, he only thinks of himself.

You realise he thinks he has moved in, right? Nine weeks of sleeping over every night, letting yourself in at will when the other person isn't there, having a shower and settling yourself in with a drink are the actions of a person who lives there. He has moved in by stealth for free.

Cocklodger.

CamperVamp · 26/10/2017 23:34

I wouldn’t ask him for bills money, but I would say “when you are here for a full week, it would help if we split the food shopping “.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 26/10/2017 23:34

shows what he thinks of you. Rogue apostrophe.

Fishface77 · 26/10/2017 23:34

He's not a mind reader you need to tell him.
Say it's fab you being here so much. But you need to start paying me £x as my bills have gone up by that much.
Then take the lead from him.
If he's embarrassed and apologises fair enough.
If he tries to dodge out of paying then he's a cocklodger and you need to get rid.

OlennasWimple · 26/10/2017 23:35

Well, is he moving in or not?

usernameinfinito · 26/10/2017 23:35

Get a boyfriend who has a job and earns at least as much as you do. That man sounds more like a child than a boyfriend.

serialcheat · 26/10/2017 23:36

Good shag, nice house, comfy home, all mod cons, food on the table, bills paid.......

Cool.....

Can I stay, too !?

Wolfiefan · 26/10/2017 23:37

Send him home without the key.
Or he moves in and pays up.

serialcheat · 26/10/2017 23:38

To be honest, more blame for this situation should be laid at your door, rather than his......

Hold on, he hasn't got a door 😳

AdaColeman · 26/10/2017 23:41

He is taking advantage of you, no doubt about that.

Work out how much he has cost you for food/drinks/percentage of all your bills, tell him he owes you that money and give him a date for payment, say the end of this month.
Don't budge on this, stand your ground, or soon you will be feeding his mates too.
Get a planned budget worked out for what he will be paying you each week.

mapie · 26/10/2017 23:45

But he's living with you, surely, not his parents.

Cocklodger by stealth.

bigfatbumfreak · 26/10/2017 23:45

Hes amazing alright....he’s got life sorted. He’s milking you dry.

Cocklodger klaxon.

ohfourfoxache · 26/10/2017 23:45

In fairness, if he's always lived with his parents then he may not have a clue about these things.....

mapie · 26/10/2017 23:46

Does he pay rent to his parents?

GreenTulips · 26/10/2017 23:47

In fairness, if he's always lived with his parents then he may not have a clue about these things.....

Yes because the faires being the food and all bills are free - mummy had never mention 'gas bill' in earshot