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Original poster

Boyfriend staying over but paying zero

116 replies

ivedoneitnow · 26/10/2017 23:13

Been dating for 18 months. He adores me and I love him too. He's amazing to me and my two kids. I work full time. I own my own house and he lives with parents. I'm independent and love living in my own home. Bills come to £1200 a month. He isn't in regular work and makes and sells things for money. His income is very variable. He's stayed over every night for the last 9 weeks and I love having him here but he pays zero towards my bills / helps me out financially. We take turns paying when eating out. Came home tonight to him being here, he's had a shower and drinking while I'm not even in from work. I'm struggling financially and overdrawn, waiting for payday. I feel resentful that he's staying here for free and living the dream. What should I do?

OP posts:
InfiniteSheldon · 27/10/2017 07:15

Every time you split a bill or take your turn paying when you are out he's ok with it? He never says no I'll get this you pay all the bills feedme and put a roof over my head? He knows what he's doing, most unattractive.

Teddy7878 · 27/10/2017 07:17

Just tell him!
My OH stays over a lot and I told him he was almost doubling the cost of my food shopping each week

MessyBun247 · 27/10/2017 07:18

Yeah he's cocklodging. What is he actually bringing to the relationship?

Bananalanacake · 27/10/2017 07:33

Is he looking for a proper job. Does he help out with the house work.

MyOtherProfile · 27/10/2017 07:34

Please dont let this continue. He does sound very young and naive. Or less young and naive and more of a bastard.

WhyWouldYouThinkThat · 27/10/2017 07:45

How old are you both (approx)

Do you genuinely need advice about what to do? It's obviously wrong that he is not contributing 🤷🏻‍♀️

However 'amazing' he is I couldn't find someone who was such a dosser attractive. If he has genuine reasons why he can't work or find work then fair enough but if not then I would find his laziness and childishness really off putting.

expatinscotland · 27/10/2017 07:54

He's not amazing, he's an unemployed mooch who lives at home. Come on, OP! Of course he 'adores' you, he gets to drink your wine and soak in your bath whilst you're at work. Take away his key. Tell him to get in touch when he has a job and is living like an adult.

As for his age, if my DD were going out with a guy like this, I'd let her know what a loser he is.

Pavonia · 27/10/2017 08:00

In addition to everything that's been said above about the financial contribution, most of which I agree with, I think you need to ask yourself whether you want to be living with him. This situation seems to have evolved and evidently suits him, but does it suit you and your kids?

Yell0wlabel · 27/10/2017 09:34

If you look at Airb&b it will show you how much it is to rent a room / house / apartment. But you already know how much it costs, because you pay all the bills. You work full time and have responsibilities for children. He works part-time and seems to have no responsibilities. Does he do any chores around your house? If the current situation continues how would you feel in another year, 5 years?. If you wanted to go on future holidays who is going to pay? I would start by decreasing the amount of time that he spends at your home. Why should you fund his lifestyle?

expatinscotland · 27/10/2017 09:36

'He works part-time and seems to have no responsibilities.'

If that.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 27/10/2017 09:51

Omfg, course he adores you! He is staying rent free sponging off a single mum, how attractiveConfused.
Tell you what op, I will move in aswell, pay nothing, but I will tell you how amazing you are every day.

He probably cannot believe his luck landing a complete mug like you. Grow a pair and kick this tosser out ffs!!

RidingWindhorses · 27/10/2017 09:52

He can afford not to have a proper job because he's leaning financially on his parents, now he wants to lean on you too. Why would you get involved with a man like this?

JigglyTuff · 27/10/2017 09:53

Congratulations! You’ve got yourself another child

grannysmiff · 27/10/2017 09:55

Let me guess: he doesnt cook either?

Yell0wlabel · 27/10/2017 11:51

Jigglytuff - you have said what I have been thinking. Secondly, of course he says he adores you!. Find someone who wants to actively share your life, not one who wants to take it away.

flumpybear · 27/10/2017 12:07

He’s a man child - he needs to grow up, you’re his girlfriend not his mum

NotSureIfiAmWell · 27/10/2017 12:23

Hope no-one dobs you in for benefit fraud as staying there for 9 weeks technically means you are not a single parent and not intitled to things like council tax reduction

SusannahL · 27/10/2017 15:53

Where are you OP? Lots of questioned posed on here which need answering, especially how old is this man/lad?

expatinscotland · 27/10/2017 16:05

'Where are you OP? Lots of questioned posed on here which need answering, especially how old is this man/lad?'

Anything over 18 is too old to be behaving like this.

SusannahL · 27/10/2017 16:09

Quite agree expat. Of course I know where the poor OP is, she's hard at work earning money to keep this individual.

Original poster
ivedoneitnow · 27/10/2017 17:59

We spoke about things this morning. I had also booked some concert tickets for two concerts over the next two months and I'd paid for them. I feel stupid that I've let this happen really, once I read back the responses. He paid me £100 for the tickets and apologised.
Oh, and I we are both late 30s for those who have asked how old we both are.

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 27/10/2017 18:03

Why give him a key?!

I find this amazing.

JigglyTuff · 27/10/2017 18:03

Late 30s? And he’s living with mummy and daddy and doing fun work? You’re on a hiding to nothing with this bloke I’m afraid. He’s not going to change.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 27/10/2017 18:03

Late 30s and no proper job living off Mum and dad and you

Wow. He sounds a prince.

MrSnrubYesThatsIt · 27/10/2017 18:05

that'll be a cocklodger you have there.
oh dear.
tell him to cough up, or else he gets sent home to mummy.