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Original poster

Is your OH a gent?

146 replies

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 21/10/2017 13:23

I've just noticed as I've gotten older that I really appreciate and notice a man opening a door for me, or generally being gentlemanly. My OH is not a gent at all. He would nearly barge in front of me in a cafe. When we were younger I thought this was great that he thought women were so equal and could hold their own.(go to the bar the exact same amount of times etc) but now I find it ill mannered.

DS is 7 and I am bringing him up to be a gent as I don't want him to be like his Dad. Just wondering what other people thought.

OP posts:
working925 · 23/10/2017 09:29

It's funny because my oh isn't a gent all of the time and I often wish he was but I work with someone who almost trips me up trying to open the door ahead of me and I always think "ffs I can open the bloody door"

Ttbb · 23/10/2017 09:36

I wouldn't marry someone without basic manners. He follows all necessary etiquette, walking between me and our children/his mother/anyone smaller and traffic. Always holding doors open if he gets there first. He wasn't fantastic on pleases (but find with thank yous) at first (his parents don't seem to know the meaning of either word) but now always remembers. Always disappears to the 'restroom' so that he can pay the bill with it coming to the table in restaurants.

Goosegrass · 23/10/2017 10:09

I’m so pleased all these women have somebody to help them put their coats on. I can only dream of such things.

Ellisandra · 23/10/2017 11:24

I would faint dead away if I had to deal with a restaurant bill.
Even with earning my own money and not being so far inside my own clenching buttocks that I can actually socially cope with the idea that things need to be paid for Confused

How wonderful to have a man to go off to pay the bill without it even touching the table!!!!!

I'm so jealous that my husband isn't uptight about money and doesn't patronise me.

Fucking hell.

corythatwas · 23/10/2017 11:28

I don't need dh to help me on with my coat. But I do need to see that the man I have chosen to share my life with, and have children with, is a decent sort who will help an elderly gent onto the train, remember to thank waiters and waitresses of either sex, and generally make the lives of the people he meets a little more pleasant.

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch1 · 23/10/2017 12:02

Sabrina your grandad would swear or tell a rude joke in front of your man and was furious if anyone else did? And you see him as a wonderful gentleman for it.
@Ellisandra
No you've mis quoted me. He didn't swear or tell rude jokes. And no you're totally wrong about it all really and my nan was totally not kept in a box. She was one of the strongest women I ever new tbh. What I will add however which I didn't make clear is that he treated everyone the same. Man or women. I was sharing my experience of what a lovely mange was. Please don't twist it into something it really wasn't. I should know. I was there.

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch1 · 23/10/2017 12:03

Man obviously god that's a typo

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch1 · 23/10/2017 12:20

Seriously... imagine a life for you now, where men around you could swear and joke how they wanted to - but you couldn't.
And I don't even know where to begin with this.

Shodan · 23/10/2017 13:44

Shodan. What makes you think that you're more capable than most when it comes to defending yourself?

I'm a 3rd dan black belt in karate, user1492877024. I train 2 - 4 times a week and have done for 14 years. Self defence is kinda my thing.

Ellisandra · 23/10/2017 13:46

Sabrina, sorry for the autocorrect that said he would swear in front of her, it should have said wouldn't.
And also was furious if others did.

They may have had a lovely relationship - as you say, you were there.

But really - she was in a box. As were most women. The box that means you're infantilised and your opinion doesn't matter - where you are expected to wait for your men to correct the other men, instead of being able to just live with the language because you use it to, or just be able to "hey - tone that down please".

XJerseyGirlX · 23/10/2017 13:51

My DP (38) is a Gent. He holds the door open, walks me on the inside of the pavement and does loads of other things. He is the only person ive ever dated who has been like this so to me they are few and far between. I make sure I always notice and say thankyou.

Ellisandra · 23/10/2017 14:00

I can't get past a grown woman being pleased that her partner will walk on the outside of a pavement Confused

Always nice to hold a door for someone if you get there first, or they're carrying something though.

Kelsoooo · 23/10/2017 14:01

My DH is. His manners are exceptional.

When we go for dinner at my aunt's, he is the first to help clear the dinner table, and to remind me to pick a bottle of something up to take with us (before anyone jumps on him this, I'm field based sales in supermarkets it makes sense)

He always says thank you.
Opens doors, for men and women.
Will carry prams etc if we're on the tube and there is a woman struggling.
Will always give his seat up for anyone, elderly, man woman or child.

Generally, yes very gentleman like. I love him all the more for it.

My exes wouldn't even pay a compliment to me, my Dh without fail pays me compliments daily. On everything from how I look, to how my mind works. It's lovely.

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch1 · 23/10/2017 14:06

Ellisandra

I'm hearing we're you are coming from. But in this case you've got it so wrong. Honestly if any part of your post was correct with regards to my gps I would agree and say you were right. How can I put in a paragraph a description of my gps marriage ? I really can't. My nan took no shit trust me. She was the typical head of the family. Not my grandad !! If she was offended she would say so no way needed my grandad to defend her honour if you like. She wore the trousers trust me. I really can't add anymore without it going completely of topic. So please trust me on this she was not s weak brow beaten little lady. She worked hard her hole life and there marriage was a partnership. BUT my gps on the other side. Yes that's a different story completely and SOME of what you have said could describe their marriage. Grandad head of the house, sat head of the table. Totally ruled the family all decisions were made by him. My nan told me she once got tiddly her words and my grandad was mortified Hmmdifferent times. Different people. As for me. My husband is polite, knows how to carry himself etc if we eat out sometimes I pay sometimes he does. He holds a door open for me , I do for him. Does he drape his coat over a puddle for me to walk daintily over?? Does he fuck.

corythatwas · 23/10/2017 14:10

Dh and I are not very different in size and for at least part of our relationship I have been physically stronger than him. We have also worked together in the same manual job. So if he'd started walking on the outside of pavements and hold doors open, I'd have wondered what he thought of me in my professional capacity. What mattered though was that when I did become ill and partially incapacitated, he noticed when I needed a helping hand and made it easy for me.

XJerseyGirlX · 23/10/2017 14:10

TBF I was a little (confused) when he moved me onto the inside of the pavement but recognised and appreciated the gesture behind it rather than the specific act itself. My ex though being romantic was to call me babe and dry hump me from behind.

XJerseyGirlX · 23/10/2017 14:11

Smiley Fail !!

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch1 · 23/10/2017 14:11

I'm a 3rd dan black belt in karate, user1492877024. I train 2 - 4 times a week and have done for 14 years. Self defence is kinda my thing.

@Shodan
You couldn't give a better answer than that really. Just brilliant

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch1 · 23/10/2017 14:13

My ex though being romantic was to call me babe and dry hump me from behind.
Omg that made me LOL 😂 sorry.

Eleanorsummer · 23/10/2017 14:22

I would want my partner just to be polite towards both men and women. I hold doors open for people regardless of their sex. If a gent means treating women different because they are weaker and need protecting, then that's not what I want.

futuremrsconnor85 · 23/10/2017 14:23

Oh yeah, mine is. He gave up his seat to some elderly women the other day and they all thought he was lovely :) Sometimes he can be too friendly to others though. I think he just likes the general public more than me!!
He only opens doors for me or puts my coat on if it's a special occasion now, but when we were first together he did it all the time. It works both ways though, i like to think i have good manners too.

whiskyowl · 23/10/2017 14:27

What a mad question for 2017.

My DH is kind and caring. He'll give up a seat on public transport if someone needs it - man or woman. He'll help me if I'm trying to lift a load, just as I'll help him. He always walks on my left, because I'm deaf on the right hand side. He listens to me as an equal,

He won't open the door for me because he knows it's 2017 and it's patronising to assume that I'm too weak to do it myself. He supports feminism, believes in gender equality, and acts in a way that supports the aspirations of female colleagues at work (he's the Head of Dept).

ReinettePompadour · 23/10/2017 14:34

He was to everyone, until some weirdo woman freaked out the he had held a door open for her and she really laid into him.
Unfortunately for her she was on the wrong side of the door at the time so he just let it go and she got a bump on the nose.
Now he refused to open doors for the women in his workplace.
They all gave him a really shit time for months after that incident ganging up together to nit pick and bitch.

I don't blame him for not opening doors anymore, he also no longer makes tea/coffee for any of them following a barrage of comments about women can do it themselves. Hmm He bloody knows that he was just being polite making everyone a drink in the office and holding doors is just being polite irrespective of who you are ffs Angry.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 23/10/2017 15:02

Reinette so he didn't think to rise above the silly comments of one rude woman to be the bigger person?

Instead, it looks like his male ego was bruised and so he has decided to punish all women for the behaviour of one

whiskyowl · 23/10/2017 15:07

reinette - have a nice trip back to whatever MRA site you've come from.