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Original poster

Is your OH a gent?

146 replies

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 21/10/2017 13:23

I've just noticed as I've gotten older that I really appreciate and notice a man opening a door for me, or generally being gentlemanly. My OH is not a gent at all. He would nearly barge in front of me in a cafe. When we were younger I thought this was great that he thought women were so equal and could hold their own.(go to the bar the exact same amount of times etc) but now I find it ill mannered.

DS is 7 and I am bringing him up to be a gent as I don't want him to be like his Dad. Just wondering what other people thought.

OP posts:
donajimena · 21/10/2017 14:30

Yes he is but so am I. Its called manners. Mine will open doors for me, carry my heavy shopping etc but I do the same for my parents who are less physically able than I am.

2littlemoos · 21/10/2017 14:35

We're very equal in terms of opening doors - whoever reaches it first!

He will offer me his coat to keep me warm but I usually refuse as I wouldn't want him to go cold.

Carries the bags. All of them if I'm struggling.

Generally though we are both very polite and mannered and I love that.

pallisers · 21/10/2017 14:41

DH is very well-mannered, kind and courteous. It is one of the things that attracted me to him all those years ago. I have good manners too.

My dad used to walk on the outside of the pavement and want to carry our school bags when we were young. He was a very sweet man.

pomadas87 · 21/10/2017 14:49

My DH is a gentleman - I don't think it was how he was raised though, his three brothers are pretty rude Confused

Also, I think being a gentleman is how you treat both men and women - DH has beautiful manners, very charming to men and women, and seems to enjoy being kind and courteous to people. I think that's what makes a gentleman, not whether he helps me with shopping bags....?

HerRoyalNotness · 21/10/2017 14:50

No, mine is very ill mannered. Barely uses a please and thankyou, is inconsiderate and thoughtless. I look at MIL who is lovely and 'proper' and wonder how she raised him. But now he's an adult, he could choose to be different, but doesn't. I'm trying my best to bring up our DC to be more mindful and good mannered. It's a bugbear of mine. I wonder how we even ended up together tbh.

LadyWire · 21/10/2017 15:11

Mine holds doors open, as do I. For males or females: it's called manners. I go to the bar just as often as he does though, why on earth wouldn't I?? And if I was carrying two bags and he had none he'd offer to take one but then I'd do the same to him too.

I'm not a little woman who needs cosseting and looking after, I'm a grown adult!

IAmTheDragon · 21/10/2017 15:12

I had an ex who did the pavement thing. I found it incredibly patronising.

Cakebaby123 · 21/10/2017 15:25

Wish I was, eminado but thank you for asking Flowers

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 21/10/2017 15:42

This made me really think about DH, he's pissing me off at the moment & the realization that he is actually very gentlemanly has made me slightly less annoyed with him.

NorthandSouth98374 · 21/10/2017 18:37

2017 and women still want men to go to the bar and walk on the outside of the pavement? Jesus Christ.

Saz432 · 21/10/2017 18:48

Been married tor 7 years and my DH still leaves the room to fart - that's what I call manners lol

He def sees me as his equal so he doesn't do things like open car doors etc for me but I wouldn't want that. He does walk on the outside of me, and make sure I have a seat if there's only one but then I have bad pain so that's just him caring. Would never barge in front of me - that's so rude.

When we got married and had to sign the register, he was really flustered and almost sat down in the chair behind the table b4 he realised there was only one and it was meant for me. Still laugh about that as it's so unlike him lol

Shodan · 21/10/2017 19:17

2017 and women still want men to go to the bar and walk on the outside of the pavement? Jesus Christ.

I find that quite a strange thing to say. Maybe not the going to the bar thing so much, but the pavement thing is more about someone loving you enough to want to try and stop harm coming your way. Is there a reason not to appreciate that?

A real gentleman is courteous to everyone. I wouldn't dream of being ill-mannered enough myself to make a fuss over whether a man holds open a door for me, or carries a bag, or whatever.

I'm an extremely capable woman- I was brought up to be by a single mother, and I have been a single mother myself twice. I am perhaps more capable than most of defending myself, I am stronger than many and so perfectly able to carry my own bags. I can walk on whatever side of the pavement I choose, hold open any door- but I appreciate it when my partner does these things for me. It's a little way of demonstrating his love for me and I believe it would be churlish to spurn that.

broccolicheesebake · 21/10/2017 19:38

Stbxh certainly isn't. Whenever I've had a bad cough in the past, he's asked me to sleep on the sofa so I don't disturb him Confused.

RandomWordsandaNumber5 · 21/10/2017 20:48

Another gent here. Opens doors, helps me on with my coat, walks on the outside of the pavement. He also extends the same consideration to other people, both men and women. He’s an absolute star.
I worked in a very male dominated profession which was on occasions very challenging. To come home and to be treated with such courtesy and manners is wonderful.

scottishdiem · 22/10/2017 00:56

It good when men and women treat each other with kindness, courtesy and consideration and do things equally. Like take turns going to the bar.

If you expect it without giving it then your are rude and inadequate, regardless of being a gentleman or a lady.

sweetbitter · 22/10/2017 01:05

No. I think equality works both ways. I don't need men to hold doors open for me because they are men and I am a woman. If someone is right in front of me going through a door I'd expect them to hold it whether a woman or a man.

ladymariner · 22/10/2017 01:07

Yep, absolute gent here, I feel incredibly lucky to have been with this wonderful man nearly 30 years Smile

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 22/10/2017 07:27

Goes ahead to open doors, immediately jumps in to carry bags, helps me put on/take off my coat and just generally makes sure me and DD are attended to and cared for. He does it for my female relatives too.

I think that a gentleman is someone who treats all people equally and with respect. My friend's husband is one who insists on walking on the roadside, jumping in to carry bags and goes ahead to open doors.

I find it incredibly patronising, tbh. Whichever one of us naturally arrives at the door first should open it. Any adult can stand by the roadside.

Manners are important from everyone, to everyone, but I don't consider these to be 'good manners'. It's patronising and rude to jump in and do something for someone (putting on a coat?!) that they can do for themselves.

PuffinsSitOnMuffins · 22/10/2017 07:59

I don't like being 'helped' to put on a coat, it turns something I can do in 5 seconds without thinking about into a slightly awkward performance where the man is probably holding the coat just too high for me to get my arms in comfortably. In fact, I feel that way about a lot of 'gentlemanly behaviour' - that it is a performance that is imposed on the recipient instead of distributing tasks or effort in a common sense way. But it seems other people like it...

BertrandRussell · 22/10/2017 08:02

My dp has lovely manners if that's what you mean.....

PurpleGrapePip · 22/10/2017 08:10

DH isn't much of a gent but it doesn't really bother me. However my line manager (who is nearly twice my age!) Is the most gentlemanly man I know and I do swoon a bit when he opens doors for me or insists on walking me to the station when we are both pissed after a work night out!

Battyoldbat · 22/10/2017 08:12

My DH has nice manners, as do I. We, together, are teaching our children both male and female to hold doors open, help carry shopping bags, say please and thank you, offer to help. My DH has never helped me on or off with a coat as far as I can remember but he helps me dress/undress when my arthritis is so bad I can’t do it myself. We both open doors for each other and for people in general.
I find the insistence on men having to protect ickle women intensely patronising. Nice manners apply to both sexes.

sandgrown · 22/10/2017 08:14

My elder son is successful and good in business but very polite and courteous . I am very proud of the way the behaves with everybody and younger son is going the same way. OH ( not sons' father) is complete opposite and will leave me to struggle with bags etc. I am very independent but would sometimes like some help. He is quick to ask me to help him!

claraschu · 22/10/2017 08:26

"A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally."

Oscar Wilde

Dancinggoat · 22/10/2017 08:32

You want someone to show respect to everyone. Manners are genderless. Surely you’d hold open a door etc to anyone.