DH is so negative

[FricketyFrick]

I'm not sure how much I can stand. He is negative about everything - work, the children, family members, friends, the news etc etc. I've got to the point now where I avoid being in the same room as it brings me down so much.

I'm quite a cheerful, optimistic person (although I have suffered MH problems) but I can't remember the last time DH and I laughed about anything. He's always had a pessimistic streak but over the years it has got worse and worse. So judgemental about people - words from this week include incompetent, useless, untrustworthy, stupid etc. Is he depressed or just a really horrible person? (Or both!?)

God this is just like my other half. He won't even go out of the house half of the time x

Mine is starting to get like this. I’ve said to him a few times I’m not spending the day with you if you’re going to be this miserable and negative. We’re going through infertility and about to start IVF and I need someone to lift me up support me cheer me up. He is anything but this at the moment. I’m hoping this will improve but worried it’s wishful thinking.

My DH is like this too. I know he's stressed at work, but he should not bring it home. He leaves at 5-6pm then I listen to him go on (and on and on a lot) and I do understand as I worked there for 19 yrs in a different department. But its constant and brings me down. Ive told him to change jobs (but its not easy after being there for 34 yrs) and ive told him to see the GP and he says no. Im a cheerful and chatty person and i feel i being pushed into the miserable corner. He came in about sn hour ago and i cooked a nice chilli. He sat there chewing like it was horrible and I asked him if it wasn't to his taste. He said"its nice".... well gucking looking like you're enjoying it😡

He's now in the bedroom testing, not speaking to anyone.
Give me strength

Mine is like this. Draining, but I've recently realised (after extended time with his family) that it's learned behaviour. His family moan as something to talk about. For them, if you're not saying it's too hot/cold/expensive etc then what do you say to each other?

I firmly ignore it and praise positivity, as you would a toddler. If he starts going on about how something was good but too expensive I just wax lyrical about how GOOD it was. So good, can you believe it? Aren't we so lucky? Can you remember the last time we had something so good? Etc etc. It helps. He joins in with that after a bit, and we all feel better.

‘Moan as something to talk about’ my dad’s family definitely did this. In fact I notice it about the area that I’m from! Anyone that might mention having been out for dinner, it going on holiday is seen to be showing off.

This is my Mother....she is the most negative person I have ever known. Interestingly DGM probably suffered from depression and was very apathetic about DM. DM has low self esteem and struggles socially. So I understand why she is how she is but by God it's hard sometimes. She moans about everything, everything is about her, she trusts no-one and takes offence at drop of a hat. She has very little empathy but doesn't realise she doesn't fykwim. I know she's lonely but she can't see it's her own doing why she doesn't make any friends. My Dad is a jolly laid back soul. But an emotional ostrich. He's partly to blame by never really understanding how my DM feels but also for never pulling her up on her behaviour. Although to be fair even if he did Mum just cannot see it/believe it. In her mind she's perfect and just wronged by everyone else.
I suffered a lot as a teenager feeling weighed down by DM emotions. Then I left home and realised I was in charge of my own happiness. I'm definitely a count your blessings type person. I deal with it now by being bright and breezy and not engaging too much. I tolerate the negatively to a limit and then I just make excuses and leave. DH is like me, there is no way I could be married to someone like DM.

This is my estranged husband. Exhausting.

I am reading the link Anna posted, it is interesting. With estranged H, everything, but everything was is my fault. Negotiation is impossible because there is no middle. The bit about being in court again (and again) is true. I cannot remember him laughing. A Dementor is a good description, because you end up thinking you are demented. It is wearing me out just remembering.

Op, you sound like a funktastic lady 😀

You already have an anus.

Do you really need or want another arsehole in your life !?