Please don't judge me - I need advice and help not to be told how awful I am which I already know.
I am married with two young children and had had an affair with an also married man who has children. Our affair started three years ago, both unhappy in our marriages where we were missing the spark and not feeling loved but knew neither of us was investing in our marriages either. I hate writing and saying this but for me, it was like sharing life with a roommate and nothing more. For MM I know it was the same and our affair spiralled out of all control and over the last few of years I have fallen completely in love with him. His wife found out and forgave him but their marriage was even worse and we tried so many times to stop but we haven't been able to at all. I don't doubt that he loves me but we decided that we couldn't do this to our children - couldn't ruin there lives for our selfishness. We tried but failed and we resumed our affair and decided we were both so miserable without each other so started to take steps to leave our marriages in a way that would cause the least pain to both our spouses - to anyone who hasn't had an affair I know that reads pathetically.
Despite this, he completely broke down and told his wife that he is in love with me. But this is the killer - he didn't tell her he wants us to be together and is now staying to work on his marriage. I am so confused and heartbroken - on the one hand he and I started to plan our life together and now this.
For those of you that have been in this position, did you tell your husband about your affair even if it meant not being with the OM?
Will he ever actually leave his wife? She has forgiven him again and is now even more loving and does everything he asks.
I need to get over this don't I? He is never going to actually leave for us is he? I am completely devastated by the extent to which I've ruined my own marriage which feels irreparable. And I am even more devastated by the fact that it's come to this point and he is staying. He said his marriage will "probably end now anyway" but that shouldn't be enough to keep me hanging on or enough for me to completely devastate my husband by telling him now should it?
I haven't told anyone at all about any of this and I'm a complete mess inside. I think I just need to talk to anyone who has been through this and what you did. What happened? Did your MM leave? If not, how did you get over it? Did you tell your husband everything or just keep going with this enormous shameful secret? It's just too much to bear and the weight of it all is crushing me.