Daughter doesn't want children.

[vuscal]

This isn't me bashing anyone who doesn't want children. It's absolutely an individual choice. However, I think you'd be lying if you didn't think your child was going to have children. I always imagined I'd be a grandmother. She is our only child.

She's great and has said "she doesn't want children yet" and so I know that doesn't mean at all but she is 35 and single. Currently has lots of rescue rodents and devotes all her time to them.

I suppose I feel quite sad about this. That's normal right?

I felt and continue to feel that he was not in a position to make an informed decision about something so life changing

So if your son and a partner had made the decision to conceive, you would have been equally aghast then?

"Seriously heartbroken" ??

FFS.

I would sympathise with my child if affected by infertility, but if not having kids was a choice then that's fine.
Being heartbroken smacks of selfishness.
These are not our lives to live. Get a grip.

Spiteful , yes I would, because he is in no position to look after himself at the moment let alone a child, however with the right medication and counselling this may change and he may be able to live a "normal" life and have children if he so desires
I feel his options have been taken away from him in this regards when he was clearly not in a mental state to be able to make that decision

I would be devastated too if I was you OP

I am loving the grandparents who have embraced the furry grandchildren!

My DD was desperate for a baby, it's not going to happen for complicated reasons.

My sadness is all for her, I so wish she didn't want to be a mother.

So what? it's not about you. It's about your daughter's choices. Support her and don't for one second let her know that you are bothered by this. Maybe your daughter thinks she won't meet someone she wants to have children with if she's single at the moment. But lots can change in a very short space of time and attitudes can change too. Maybe she will have children, maybe not. Better that you focus on getting some new friends, hobbies, lifestyle that makes you feel fulfilled now rather than focusing all you thoughts on Grandchildren (or not). Sounds to me that you are feeling a bit jealous because your friends have Grandkids and you don't and you feel left out. You don't seem to be sad because your daughter is sad about the situation. Sorry if this seems a bit harsh.

Our DS is in his early 30s, in a relationship but not living with his GF. A few years ago I asked him if he would like to have children at some time and he said he would. I told him that having him was the best thing DH and I had ever done, and the most fun we'd ever had too.
But I'm not desperate to be become a GM; I'm sure we would absolutely love any DGC that came along but if it never happens, well, for me, I believe you don't miss what you've never had.
I'd be sad for DS though as I think he'd love it and be a great father. (not that I'd ever give any hint of that to him!)

Gosh, my mother has attempted to make me feel incredibly guilty for "not giving her grandchildren". To the extent that she hoped that DH and I would have an unwanted PG. Then when DH died unexpectedly crowed, "See, bet you wish you'd had a little child with him now!" She doesn't have a lot of empathy...

Your. Offering. Don't. Owe.You.Anything.

I have 2 dds. I kind of hope they DONT have children. It's exhausting and I think they would be fine without that it their lives. Won't be even a little bit sad, if I am never a grandma

omg rubbish how hartless!

and im so sorry for your loss

Take 2.
Your. Offspring.Don't. Owe. You. Anything.

To be fair, Gabs, my mother is the biggest bellend unkindest person I've ever encountered. She certainly wouldn't dream of questioning and exploring her feelings in the same way that OP is.

Mantra Sorry for your loss

Thank you Gabs and Helena. This really hit on a nerve somehow. I have 2 sisters, who also chose not to reproduce. We were scared of not being good enough mums. Even though she was a shit mum of the highest order, (ooh, just plucking this out of the air, but it was "too difficult" for her to attend DH's funeral and she was "too upset" to send flowers, even tho he was "like a son to her" - she met him once!) Despite all this... she maintains she would have been the best and most supportive grandmother. And we were "too selfish" to give her the chance.

Do tread with care OP.

This infuriates me.

I always knew I didn't want children. Mum always down-played it, saying I'd change my mind etc etc, as if I didn't know my own mind. Growing older and seeing my friends struggle with giving up their careers and becoming financially dependent has only confirmed my decision.

My mum has grandchildren. She doesn't count them as such because they are from my step-siblings. I think that's horrendous. She also emigrated, and asserted straight after that she would not be coming back to the UK ever, the onus was on us to visit her. So she a) doesn't acknowledge the grandkids she has and b) isn't prepared to make the effort to see them.

Despite this, I am continuously made to feel guilty for not "providing" her with grandchildren to ignore.

Strangely, she never makes the same demands of my brother

Maybe it's because my own dc are quite young but I don't have any real wish or expectation of GC. Or maybe it's because I lived a long way from my GPs and now live in a different country to my Parents so I've never had the experience of 'everyday grandparenting' where Family lives close by and actively help raise the GC.

My mum has grandchildren. She doesn't count them as such because they are from my step-siblings. I think that's horrendous

So she doesn't actually have any grand children, her partner or husband has grandchildren. Who are you to call that horrendous?

I have five children the first four are aged 30 to 22. I think I might be lucky to get one gc if I'm honest. I'm only sad because I think they will have missed out on a lot of joy and I worry that being part of a large family put them off having their own children primarily because my eldest db always says that being one of six made him determined never to have children.
That said, I see my friend caring for her small gc whilst her children work and she looks constantly harassed and exhausted and count my blessings tbh.

Whatever you do, don’t do what my mum did and tell her that people who don’t have children are selfish.

On the other hand my mother has 5 living grandchildren, 3 of which she will never meet and we all live on the other side of the world from her. That's who I'd be asking what she did wrong as a parent, not those without GC through the choice of their Dc.

My aunt has 3 DC and they are aging out for DC themselves. The youngest may just squeak one in if he gets a wriggle on. She is very sad about it and was thrilled when I took my lot to visit with her last time I was home. I think sometimes it's just how it goes

@existentialmoment

Quite simply, I'm their aunt. When my stepdad married my mum, he saw me as his daughter, even though I'm a proper grown up. Mum, on her part, told my step-brother's children they weren't her grandkids. She won't have them to stay, get them presents, be remotely accommodating of them. Whilst berating me for not having "true" grandkids. If you think that's acceptable, fair do's. I couldn't give a shit about what she says about me. But I feel for those poor kids, and yes I do think her treatment of them is horrendous.

Sometimes it is shyness.I know someone who never really bothered with boys but the minutes she fell for someone she had children.Had said for years she never wanted kids

If you enjoy children why don't you baby sit or volunteer where you can interact with children, with family, friends, neighbours or local people. The other day people were discussing 'adopt a grand parent". In this modern era there is choice about whether. to have children, this was not the case not so far back in the past - 60 years ago?
(excluding religious, medical or other reasons reasons). The birth rate has been declining rapidly and infant mortality too in some countries. Secondly people are more mobile and families no longer live close together.