Daughter doesn't want children.

[vuscal]

This isn't me bashing anyone who doesn't want children. It's absolutely an individual choice. However, I think you'd be lying if you didn't think your child was going to have children. I always imagined I'd be a grandmother. She is our only child.

She's great and has said "she doesn't want children yet" and so I know that doesn't mean at all but she is 35 and single. Currently has lots of rescue rodents and devotes all her time to them.

I suppose I feel quite sad about this. That's normal right?

[Crumbs1]

We've had a few lovely surrogate granny's over the years. Slightly older neighbours and colleagues who took a particularly kind and thoughtful interest in our children as they were growing up. Our own parents were too distant for frequent contact but lovely neighbours provided babysitting, birthday presents, Christmas teas, a safe place to trick and treat etc. We shall be forever grateful for their kindness and willingness to support us. Could you 'adopt' a family?
I can't imagine not having grandchildren in the future.

[vuscal]

I only had 1 for health reasons. I couldn't physically have 2 or 3 or 5 or 20.

[Offred]

I intend to support my kids in whatever life they wish to have. I suspect it is easy to say when they are 8-12!!!

I think you feeling sad that you might not have grandchildren is perfectly understandable. You just have to be careful it doesn’t end up pressuring your DD.

[Barbaro]

My mum has accepted my horse is the closest she is ever likely to come to getting a grandchild and she adores him. He is spoilt rotten by her, making him bad mannered annoyingly. Buy the hamsters treats or a new toy for the cage. They are always chewing the toys anyway, do need to replace them.

I am only 27 too and while I have a boyfriend I have never had any interest in having kids. Just not something I want to have, happy with my 600kg 'kid' that I will still be having to bath even when he is 30 haha.

[OhWhatToChoose]

I’m one of two sisters and we’re both mid 30’s. I definitely won’t be having kids and I’m not sure my sister will either. Hubby and I are happy just the two of us and don’t want anything to ruin that.

[augustusglupe]

OP It’s understandable and we’re in quite a similar situation. DD is nearly 30, an only child, has a career and a boyfriend but they’re not that serious.
I’m not sure we’ll ever have grandchildren and I don’t want to go on at her about it. I would love it, one day and it does make me a little sad, thinking that maybe it’s not to be.

[CardsforKittens]

I would feel sad too, but I have so many friends who have no children, for all kinds of reasons, that I know it's complicated. My eldest says she doesn't want to have children but she's still very young and that could change. If it doesn't change I will have to work on accepting it. I want her to be happy and I know that her life choices are hers to make, but it's an oddly visceral thing. Maybe listening is the way forward?

[LilQueenie]

Be careful. Its easier to say this than 'I cant have children' for so many reasons.

[Skittlesandbeer]

I'm sorry your dream of grandparenting may have been thwarted, but there was a bit of a strange assumption in your post.

I have a dd and have absolutely no expectations/hopes/dreams of her having kids. Or not having kids. And I'm not lying.

Her path in life is her own, and my happiness won't be indexed to her doing certain things. I'm sure society will put enough unnecessary pressure on her without me adding to it. Equally, if I feel the need for something particular in my life (like spending time with kids), I will find ways to do it myself.

[tccat]

My oldest son has decide he never wants children, he also rescues small animals
However at the age of 28 he persuaded a doctor to give him a vasectomy
I'm sad for him that he's made such an irreversible decision and angry at the doctor for letting him

[Cricrichan]

I just want my kids to be happy . If they wanted kids but couldn't have them then I'd be upset for them.

[ShatnersWig]

tccat Your son is not your property. Why shouldn't a doctor carry out such a procedure if requested?

[peachypops]

I would feel incredibly sad too OP. I'd struggle not to butt in and try to persuade her otherwise, tell her that she doesn't need a man to have a baby, tell her how I'd loved having her... And if that didn't work I'd just have to deal with and move on. I'd feel much better if I'd just tried I think.

By the way I had DD aged 37...

[LapdanceShoeshine]

35 is still pretty young these days when it comes to thinking about babies, OP - there's still lots of time (esp if she starts thinking she might like to herself, & of course she doesn't need to be in a relationship to do it)

My eldest is 35 too & there's nothing on the horizon - she loves kids, has loads of friends from school with kids, is fabulous with them, but like your DD isn't in a relationship & doesn't seem to feel the need.

She regularly babysits a sort of adoptive family of 3 (& 2 cats ) & they're like her surrogate kids. She has a big group of friends & a great social life & I think she prefers that to babies! (Also she's a teacher, albeit high school, but I think she's happy not to have to deal with her own)

[MammaTJ]

I understand OP. I am a Granny and being a Granny is awesome.

That has been taken away from you right now, so you need to look at what you can do instead. You certainly need to be a supportive mum, I have no doubt you can do that. Now you need to look at what can fill the grandparent hole..... I don't think that is for me to suggest really. Have a think about what can give you what being a Gran can give you.... Love, no responsibility....without being a Gran............... Then look for that. It might be fostering, it might be being a puppy person for guide dogs. It might be being a volunteer for Homestart, where you get to help a family so much, more than you would even realise!!

You have to basically treat yourself, overcome your issues around your DD's choices and get on with it.

[ElmerFudge]

Neither my sister or I have kids. She's 40, I'm 41. I had a miscarriage this summer, would have been the first grandchild. I was always on the fence about kids & my parents felt the same way about being grandparents. There's never been any pressure from home...
I was delighted to be expecting, of course, and Mum was excited too but after what's happened we're back to where we were. Just enjoying our relationship. My parents are young, travel a lot & have their own hobbies. A baby would be lovely, but it's not a given...

[HelenaDove]

Yes its a lot easier for a man with no kids to get sterilised than it is for a woman who has made the same decision.

[another20]

When did she last have a LTR? Is she actively seeking one?

Three women I know all had anonymous/donor IVF as single women in their late 30's. None told their parents until they were pregnant in case they tried to talk them out of it or showed disapproval.

They are all very happy.

[speakout]

I understand OP. I am a Granny and being a Granny is awesome.

Not always.

My sister emigrated. Her kids were born abroad.

Her youngest was 10 before they met their granny.
Some people live apart, some don't get on.

Being a granny is not all about cuddles and cookies.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I'm on of 4 and we're all in or near our 30s, none of us yet with any DC of our own. I'm sure our parents thought they'd be grandparents by now but they've never said so. One DB has teen SDC and won't have any of his own. Other DB and SIL are childfree by choice. I have two SDC and a raft of miscarriages under my belt but I'm still hoping for one of my own and my DSis lives abroad and may have DC but we'll never see them.

My parents are wonderful stepgrandparents but I imagine as parents of a large family this isn't how they thought life would pan out.

[GabsAlot]

iv tried to get sterlised they refused basd on me mayb changing my mind

i havnt im 42 and quite happy

dont let her know your disappointed it will just make her feel guilt she doesnt need
if she has childrn it will be for her not you

[Out2pasture]

I had 3 and felt my odds were pretty good. I too always imagined the children as parents and imagined what my grandchildren would look like and what cookies i'd bake for them...
there was however a very dark stage when the one that was married was diagnosed as infertile (azoospermia) the daughter was all over the map literally and the youngest well his head is in the clouds and perpetually partner less.
I was so heart broken so I understand that feeling OP. Try and stay positive.

[tccat]

Shatners, because he was and is going through some serious mental health problems, I felt and continue to feel that he was not in a position to make an informed decision about something so life changing
Clearly my son is not my property and if I felt it was a informed educated decision then I would have no problem
I feel that the decision should have been left until his condition was under control and was thinking more clearly

[Droogan]

This is such a terrible time to be having children. Climate change and everything else. I am strongly advising my dds not to.

[tccat]

I really didn't want to discuss his mental health on here as it a source of much ongoing worry and upset for me and obviously him but I felt your nippy "property" comment warranted a response