DH has died and Squirrels broke the last thread without a link to this one! (Juan)

[Chasingsquirrels]

Oh dear - I just posted the 1000 thread. Hope we all find this one.

Selena hugs back.
I just miss him, not particular things as such, just the essence of John.
And if I think about that I just ache for him and tears just leak from my eyes.
So, mostly, I don't think about it I just carry on.

Willow hope all turns/ed out well

(and not like the one I went to last Saturday when turned out I only knew the birthday girl and her 2 now adult daughters!! Didn't feel isolated/sad etc - just bored and deafened!).

Hope you have a good time willow and horse enjoy ds2 and the tree

Ive had what should look like a perfect Instagram day but I honestly could just crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep! Tree up, friends birthday celebrated with lovely posh afternoon tea and kids tucked up in bed

Sleep well all of you, hope some ones SCD favourite wins x

cake. Feel bit that way too. Christmas do you reckon? I had lovely caring email from someone I worked with decades ago. So .

Then one of the cats jumped on my knee and is purring very loudly, so .

I could just totally ignore Xmas if I didn't feel I'd be letting the side down for the others...

Me too.

Evening everyone
I have been watching SCD . My favourite didn't win.
Sometimes its hard to get into the spirit of things when you are tired and stressed. Maybe aim for quiet enjoyment and time together at home .
Willow - I'm aways first everywhere , can't bear to be late.
Night all, sleep well
Thoughts and Prayers

x posted ...
I think the trouble is Christmas is now so over -hyped that it is a let down for most - just extra work, and relatives you rarely see.
I am a fan, but only for close family - nice food, a walk on the beach on Boxing Day , good fun with cards and board games, then back to normal is fine for me .

Yes, it's a lot of extra work/expense.

Had a lovely time😲 all fun and inclusive and good grub.
Didnt get home till 11!! Got lovely smellies and lip balms fron 'Santa' too and my secret santa was much appreciated thank goodness.

(Hugs)) Cake* think you are just at the end of your rope and exhausted. Nearly there then relax in the hols and be kind to yourself.

Selena thats my idea of hell!

Book xmas is like that here. No hoards of decending relatives just us doing our own thing. Couldn't be doing with the added stress. Always see nearest and dearest at some point but nobody is pressurised to do anything.

Went into town with ds2 this am and finished (almost) xmas shopping. Got new pans, posted cards treated myself to a dvd and we got cards for each other😀 Did food shop and had coffee. Spent a small fortune. Watching E.L.O. on tv at Wembley this year, brilliant set fab tunes. Why is everything good in flipping London? Havent been to new Wembley but saw Bon Jovi there when they were the last band to play at old Wembley. Gosh that was a year or two ago😉
Ds1 is going to Edinburgh in feb with school to see Miss Saigon. Lucky thing would love to see it live again (although desperately sad musical. I was in tears 10 minutes in!)

Hope you are all feeling a bit more relaxed and festive soon (just like me finally) I am sure just spending time with family counts more than putting on a show. Everyone seems to be trying to outdo each other these days to have 'the best day' 'the most presents for kids' etc its just crazy. Our xmas must be utterly boring to some but we dont care, its ours and we love it.

Sleep tight. Enjoy a lazy sunday, Horse hope you get the tree up without a hitch

Morning all. Very disturbed night full of weird dreams. I'm missing my family dreadfully and constantly worrying about money.

We are having a quiet Christmas at home and I haven't gone overboard....so I should be happy! Grrr Going to Carols in candle light tonight. Hoping that I get through it without sobbing and maybe feel a bit more festive.

Glad you had a good evening Willow you deserve it!

Commiserations book guess everyone has their own favourite.

*by candle light!

Morning all.

Willow I'm glad you had a lovely time.
Cake I hope got some decent sleep.
Horse & book & Selena sorry my mind had gone blank .

Charlie had settled in.
Goes off to sleep pretty well at night with just a bit of grumbling but is then waking around 4am and not settling so I have to come down and calm him, then I warm him a beanie and go back to bed and he'll settle with some grumbling again.
Then waking around 7am which is fine in the week .

Boys with their dad this weekend, so no ds2 to take over Charlie duties so I can go back to bed! He is cuddled up on me now though so that's nice.

Met ds1 for Christmas lunch with some of the archery group yesterday. Was an enormous plate full which none of us finished then I had trio of Assiette of Desserts - which was raspberry cheesecake, chocolate brownie and Ice cream which I would have said was a cop-out except the cheesecake and brownie were fill sized not mini. I was stuffed!

I'm really just ignoring the approach of Christmas.
I haven't done cards - although I haven't done many for a few years.
I've got presents for the boys sorted now but need something for my dad from the boys, my brother (who I've only just remembered as I don't really see him - he lives abroad - bit he is coming over this year), my aunt & uncle.
Then I've been invited over to MIL's one day which will be her, SIL & BIL and their son & new wife, and I'm assuming I need to get something for them. Might just have to be bottle of something.

My main issue is Christmas Eve & Day as the boys will be with their dad.
The last few years John & I went to his sister & BIL for Christmas Day, or Boxing Day, depending on which of the two days the boys were with me.
My mum asked last night did I want to stay with them (which will be mum & dad, brother & mum's youngest brother who has Down's and comes for a couple of weeks) Christmas Eve but I don't really want to. Mostly I want to just forget it is Christmas Day and then do our Christmas on Boxing Day when the boys come home as normal - but we've done it here for the last few years and I don't think I can face that and I really don't want what will feel like a "false" Christmas day at my parents followed by another "proper" one with the boys there the next day.
It's so much harder than it would be just (that's a small word for the enormity of it) without John because of the absence of the boys as well.
And now I'm crying again oh ffs.

Morning all
Cake and Chasing - big virtual hugs to you both
Christmas does show up the cavern of loneliness - even when supposedly surrounded by people. I don't have any magic words of wisdom in truth. It is just hard.
Cake - it must be horrible - your family are in SA I believe? I know there is skype and facetime, but it is not the same as having your Mum and Dad there, especially when you have not seen them for a while , and made worse if you have other worries. DH and I have been through some very worrying financial times -( old enough for the crashes in the past , where jobs were being lost left right and centre, small children , and no money to pay the bills., redundancy threats etc.) It is torrid, but somehow we survived ,and became resilient due to it. But it takes its toll, and that is what you are going through now. Let your mind rest from the worries when you can. Just five minutes a day , when you smile at a bird, or enjoy a walk and fresh air.
Chasing - oh dear , its a hard path. Are you near enough to go to your parents just for Christmas Eve ( I think you are? ) . Christmas Day then can be made a simple day - with little treats along the way. I would try and make a timetable of what to do, and stick to it eg - croissants and fresh fruit for breakfast/ long shower or hot bath and pamper / read a book you have been waiting for/ / walk out with Charlie/ binge watch a series ( I can recommend The Crown on Netflix).. and so on. That way it may give you things to look forward to, rather than end up not deciding to do anything at all and feeling lost.
Hope everyone else is doing okay.
I put my tree up yesterday, but the rest of the bits and pieces need to be done , so that and pottering today. Its too cold for the allotment, turning to rain I think, so maybe time to do some baking .
Extra hugs all round xx

Omg my post just vanished!

Hugs for everyone who needs one this morning.

Squirrels i second what Book suggests. Sounds like a good idea, just be good to yourself and do what suits you till boys get home. I cant imagine xmas day without mine here in the morning. Cant comprehend how hard it will be for you this year.

Cake been in financial straights myself long enough. I know how worrying it is. You will get through it. Hopefully new baby starting will help ease the strain a little bit. Missing your family is hard too when you want a shoulder to lean on. My patents have been gone several years but manys the night i sobbed into my pillow "talking to them" when things got tough.

Working at 12 long shift fingers crossed its a good one.

Ds2 making breakfast for me bless him. A 'grill up' and fried egg. He was so sweet last night. Told me i looked lovely "but you dont need make up mum you are beautiful without it" could have cried! (cos these days i definately don't.😀)

Have a nice lazy day folks.

Hello all, thanks for the kind words. Better today. Have had half hour on the phone with mum too.

Squirrels, I cannot Imagine how Christmas without John and the boys away will be. I will be around if you need someone to sound off to.

Book I have much to be grateful for. Don't have to look far even in our 'rich' area to see those with much less than us. Still donate to the food bank when I can and let the children do the same at harvest time with a budget each to spend as they think fit.

Spent time in nature this morning. Always good for the soul and lots of birds in the garden too.

Check in tonight x

We've been here today

www.lincstrust.org.uk/nature-reserves/donna-nook/viewing-seals-donna-nook

It's my third time this season! Went today as DS1's girlfriend who is animal mad and wanted to see them.

Just waiting now for DH and various young people to get their arses in gear and start doing this blasted 🌲 OMG, DH has shifted himself, so here we go!

Was horrible morning here, drenching rain, now stopped but dark. Missed prom walking therapy but bought food (chocolate mainly ). What is it about Dime bars?

I wonder why some, not all obviously, people take it upon themselves to assure me that 'this is a difficult time for you'? They don't seem to offer to reassure me with trip to the Bahamas 2 weeks in the sun -- lottery win - whatever. What is it, If you can't put up, shut up? I seriously wish they would as it is not helpful - or is that just me? I am nearly 6 months into this new world, and I am not going to be the victim of grief but the survivor, so why can't they give me the benefit of the doubt and be positive.

I've answered my own question there really, they obviously don't know me at all! . Rant over, sorry.

horse, hope tree up and looking good.
willow, hope shift gone well and how lovely of DS2.
cake, so glad things feel better.

book, you speak/write so much sense, I'm sure we'd get on well irl as we sound to have survived similar circumstances.
squirrels, I'm happy to be around too as it truly is more difficult for you than it could ever be for me.

Enjoy the rest of the day, everyone. I've hunkered down with Dime bar/s, hot chocolate, heating on continuous setting, purring cats and a good book that I do/don't want to end!

Gosh, that was long!

Chocolate, cats, books and hot chocolate sound lovely Selena

chasing, do you alternate Xmas with your ex? I do think the boys should have been with you this year, just my opinion. It would have helped make a difficult time more bearable.
I hope you have a peaceful day, however you decide to spend it.

Cake, my DS1 went to SA a couple of years ago, whereabouts in SA are you from? He stayed in the Kruger and then had a week at a marine conservation site. He really loved it and would love to visit again.

Argh, just lost a massive post, mostly saying thank you to you all.

Will try tomorrow at the laptop.

Family based reasonably close to CT and links to the south eastern coast so jealous of those of you who get to the beach/ocean regularly.

Thinking of you all, juan who brought us together etc
Night night

Evening all
Willow - you are lovely - inside as well as outside I suspect , and your DS recognises it , well done him :).Hope you are not too tired from the long shift
Selena - Dime bars!( why are they daim now I wonder) I love them too. I don't buy them as they would be gone in a flash , and I agree- I do think we would get on IRL too - :) . I think when you meet people, they fall back on cliches, because they are embarrassed/don't know what to say/feel awkward. They are thinking of themselves , not you IYSWIM
Horse - that looks a lovely spot , shame it's a bit of a trek from here .
Cake - good to hear you had a nice chat with your DM - it puts the world to rights . I am very, very lucky to have my family near , and we meet up often. I too count my blessings, and try to pass on a little kindness if I can .
Chasing - hope you are feeling better now
I too am thinking of Juan - and Jane also , its going to be a tough time.
Sleep well all
Thoughts and Prayers

Morning all.
Thanks Book such a lovely thing to say.
Didnt feel lovely last night tbh. Work exhausting got a telling off for sonething that was later pointed out wasnt actually me ( but boss left by then)! (And something else about it was wrong too)
Aching all over this am my dodgy knee was swollen and 'stoonding' laat night.
And when i got home kids had left kitchen like a bombsite. Was tired and sore and went to bed! Childish i know but ds1 hadnt had anything to eat so reckoned as it was mine and ds2s dishes from a.m. it was nothing to do with him and i couldnt possibly have told him to hang up the rest of the washing as he was asleep! Was not impressed. Of course i didnt sleep was upset and aching and was downstairs at 11 doing dishes! This is the ds who has been begging me to stay off school this week as half the teachers and pupils are not coming in (and they are having supply teachers all week) and promising to do chores etc. Ha!
Lift share child isnt going to school today but thier mum is going past school anyway so said they will still take mine if i wanted. Said yes thanks as could hardly straighten up first thing and they replied ok you can owe me one!!!! I have taken thiers numerous times when i have been going past and never expected anything. Argh it didnt help my mood.
Oh what a grumpy old woman i am this morning.

Wet driech day. Need to move and parcel up kids grandads pressie to post (asda of course didnt have the socks i was advised to get by ex but saw a nice bodywarmer and got that instead). Got xmas cake to ice. Might wrap presents too.

Hope weather is better with you all and you gave a nice day. KBO.

Morning all!
Cold, icy but bright here.
oh Willow some people don't half take the biscuit.
I'm washing and ironing today, before off to pick DGS up ( last one of the year!)
I iced my cake yesterday - it doesn't half show up the non flat surface.... I have disguised with rather a lot some little sugar holly leaves and berries .
Have a good day all

Book at least the early rain has helped the frost clear off the car! Everything else still white. Can I send my ironing round to yours please?

Sounds like you are having a rough time of it atm Willow. Will you get a break over Christmas?

Enjoy your last pick up of 2017 book.

Selena I get what you are saying about people saying it will be hard this time of year - it's hard ALL the time.
I guess they just want to say something and don't know what else to say.

My difficulty with Christmas is I know that my mum won't want to think of me on my own, even if in lots of ways I'd find that easier. I don't want to forgo Christmas all together - I just want to do it when I've got my boys here.

Hugs to you Cake, hope you had a good night.

horsemad yes we alternate Christmas every year. Mostly I'd rather have them Boxing Day as they are then home for the rest of the week rather than going straight off to their dad to next day. It's just having found new traditions around our Christmas day without them it will be harder again this year.

Hope everyone has a good day x