WIfe's lack of interest in me

[Ignatius]

Unfortunately I think my wife has signed out on me. When I come home there's no eye contact , virtually no greeting, when I try to kiss her anytime her lips are pursed shut and she moves her mouth to the side. she's always being critical of my looks, clothes, she never wantss to go out with me, never calls, never texts, never asks how I am, never ever shows affection, she is even critical of me in front of people lately I can't stand it, been married 20 years. As she gets older she seems getting more impatient, nagging and aggressive. She never says she loves me anymore, when I ask why she says I'm too sensitive and we are not 20 anymore. She now controls everything . Is she ill??

Why does there need to be an affair ?She doesn't want you and you staying for the kids is making her miserable .You make it sound like staying for the kids is honourable but could it be you are terrified and because of this two adults are miserable.
Don't put up with her crap .Tell her you want a divorce - put the ball in her court .You forgave her once and she doesn't respect you for it .

Hi OP, sorry you're feeling neglected. Everyone deserves to feel loved, and if the love isn't there anymore then it's only fair to be honest about that and let that person find someone who does love them.

I think we can all be guilty of letting things get to us and we always take it out on those closest to us. Could she be suffering work related stress? Like some other posters have commented... running the household may have taken its toll?

One thing is certain though, you don't deserve the cold shoulder and to be emotionally ignored. You need to find out if you have a future together, and if you both want that, what are your needs and how will you both meet them?

Good luck OP

Tell her to leave for the sake of your daughter, oh how I wished my DF had divorced my mother, I was the child in the situation you are describing and it damaged me no end. My mother cut me off numerous times when it suited her & she couldn’t control me, it has now been 8 since she last spoke to me because I didn’t clean the bath the way she wanted. I kid you not, I have never heard my mother tell me she loved me, she never showed affection. She treats my DH the same way today & I get angry that he didn’t divorce so I was exposed to the abuse because it is emotional abuse for years. He was the only person when I was a child who could protect me from it. He didn’t & it screwed me up. You need to protect your dd.

If your DD is not getting affection or love from your dw then you need to make up for that & tell her, remind her it’s not her fault her dm treats her that way, that she is worth loving. That it is her dm issue and nothing to do with her, do not let your dw actions destroyed her self worth or confidence. You’re focusing on the lack of affection for you but you have a child there that could be damaged by this too. Speak to your dd and make sure you listen to her. And tell you love her & give her affection daily because it’s bloody important for a child at any age to feel loved

Just read all your other posts OP, please get out. You deserve so much better

You need to emotionally detach from her by implementing the 180.

She's cheating on you.

The 180

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Seek support from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.

10. Do not spy on spouse. 11. Do not say “I Love You”. 12. Act as if you are moving on with your life. 13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive. 14. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. 16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her, /his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. 17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she/he will be missing 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around. 20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while). 21. Never lose your cool. 22. Don’t be overly enthusiastic. 23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). 24. Be patient 25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. 26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away. 27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). 28. Be strong and confident. 29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy. 31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. 32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared. 33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

I have taken in all of your comments and i thank you all for taking Time out to contribute. I feel I have come some way in understanding my situation more through these comments which have led me to more research. I am pretty sure I have somehow got used to the treatment I am receiving and have lost the ability to reason . It is my normal, I am fearful of getting out of this situation, I know I need to , but I am weak and lack the strength. I kid myself that I can make this better but I also know I cannot ever, I dream of how it was knowing that it is gone, it’s a kind of self pity I guess, I used to be so confident and sociable but now I am startin* to lack confidence and am becoming withdrawn socially. I am aware that this is happening, I have started counselling to help me. I am also afraid of the massive guilt and pain I will feel for my dd , even though I disrespect myself at the same time , I have to somehow see through these conflicting emotions confusion . But I will and I must. I must break this invisible link that ties me to this cold unkind person.