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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Christian wife leaving my husband

603 replies

WonderRose · 16/09/2017 11:48

I'm a Christian woman about to leave my husband and I was looking for some advice on how to carry the guilt. We have 2 children together and have been together 3 years. He's not a very nice man. I was speaking people before but I can't remember their usernames so can't get in touch with them

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 08:43

It's controlling op. I feel so sad for you. You're being so incredibly brave today.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 09/10/2017 08:45

Yes, he goes out and gets paid for that BUT you do the housework, cook the food, wash his clothes, mind his kids etc. Otherwise he would have to pay a cleaner, cook, laundry, nanny etc, not to mention someone to service his sexual needs. So it is your money as much as his as your (unpaid) services enable him to concentrate solely on his work and career.

WonderRose · 09/10/2017 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ - we're removing this as a RL name was used.

Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 08:56

You're a lovely mummy . I cannot reiterate enough that you need to go to the police. You are injured. He is not going to just let you go. Your life may be at risk.

smartiecake · 09/10/2017 08:57

Oh wonder my heart breaks for you sweetheart. Sending you a big hug.
Whatever he has done to you is abusive - sexual abuse/rape and also emotional abuse and financial control. Please research coercive control. And please report him to the police and go to a solicitizen. You can get your first 30 mins consultation free. They will explain that you can apply for a non-molestation order at court. You fill out forms and go to court and they listen to your worries and concerns and hopefully you and the kids will have a 12 month order against him seeing you or the kidsite. Can your cousin help with this?

Also contact child benefit and the benefits agency to make an application for benefits and get the child benefit in your name only if it isn't. And get your post redirected to your cousins house.
I know this is all overwhelming now but one step at a time. Get out today and take everything. You are never going back again sweetheart.

Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 08:57

You're making everything better not worse. The only person they'll be worse for is him and he's a selfish abusive nasty person so he deserves it. Please 101. Happy to pm if you wish. I can talk you through the police procedure etc.

smartiecake · 09/10/2017 08:58

You have to report him and get your injuries reported and logged. The Police will listen and will help you.

glenthebattleostrich · 09/10/2017 08:59

Sweetheart, good luck getting away today.

Please call women's aid. Ask them about the new coersive control laws ( I think that's what it's called). Hopefully this link will work. rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/

When you have gone block both your husband's and parents numbers.

Please consider calling the police. Abusers always say you won't be believed. We believe you. Your cousin believes you. Women's aid will believe you.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 08:59

He said ages ago that if I didn't get in line he'd have to use his belt like his father did to him. And he did. One for every day I was away. Then had his favourite sex after it. All the while grabbing my hair and telling me everything that was going to change and everything that I've done wrong. I made it worse

OP posts:
smartiecake · 09/10/2017 09:03

That's abuse wonder rose. Please please report it and get away today. And yes to blocking him and your parents.
Call the police
Book a free solicitor appointment
Get benefits and child benefit sorted

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:04

I don't even know why i posted that. I guess to actually read in black and white what he done. Sorry if it has offended anyone like my last thread.

OP posts:
smartiecake · 09/10/2017 09:04

He has attacked you. Please report it to the police. Tell your cousin and she will help you.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:07

You really think they will believe me? Domestic abuse and rape victims never get believed, you see it all the time. He will say it was consensual and just a bit of fun during sex. I know he will. Thats why he does that sort of stuff and not punching and actually hitting.

OP posts:
Cambionome · 09/10/2017 09:12

They will believe you. You must have marks on your skin at the moment?
Speak to your cousin. Stay strong. But most importantly get yourself and your dc away from this awful man.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:15

There are some cuts and sort of welts, is the only word I can use to describe it. I'm counting the minutes until she's here. He's just text me telling me its going in my ass tonight again. Im so angry! I want to text him saying i wont bloody be here so stick it up your own ass.

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:15

Sorry for the swear words

OP posts:
Bekabeech · 09/10/2017 09:19

Domestic abuse sufferers get believed all the time. The police have special offer cars train d in such things.
If you can’t sit down then there will be marks. You need to get them photographed (your cousin or police).
It is illegal to chastise a child in such a way as to leave a red mark. It is illegal for your husband to hit you.
Please report to the police ASAP.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 09/10/2017 09:20

Keep the text messages. Keep everything.

Please please call the police and women's aid.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 09/10/2017 09:20

They will believe you and they will help you.

PetitFilous123 · 09/10/2017 09:21

MNHQ...*face palm.

Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 09:21

Omg you have so much more evidence than many. As a police officer I could take offense at your belief that you will not be believed . I believe you!! You WILL be believed. I guarantee it. Please. You have not offended anyone just made everyone even more certain that you are victim of abuse to a very very dangerous man . Keep the texts. They are incredibly incriminating against him.

DeadButDelicious · 09/10/2017 09:22

OP, please, get yourself and your children to a place of safety and call the police. He has assaulted and raped you. You have a text message admitting what he did and his intent to do it again. That's evidence right there. You've been given some great advice here, please, please, take it.

GreyCloudsToday · 09/10/2017 09:23

Honestly WonderRose, when you explain the whole picture it's chilling. It's not just one form of abuse, it's financial, sexual, emotional, physical. The authorities WILL believe you.

If you possibly can, get these injuries logged. It's very clear that you did not consent to this appalling behaviour. I'm so sorry your parents have conditioned you to see this as normal. This is not Christian behaviour - it's the behaviour of a megalomaniac using a particular culture to try to control you.

smartiecake · 09/10/2017 09:24

Yes they will believe you. Keep the messages and show the police and all the logs of the calls. Please please report this. Yes they will believe you and take it very seriously.
And don't tell him you are leaving.
We believe you. Your cousin believes you. The Police will believe you. You are not going to that house again so take everything you can. Passports. Bank details. Payslips of his? Anything you can. And apply for redirection of post in your name today. Apply for a non-molestation order asap

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:24

I am. My cousin will be here in about an hour. I will phone the police when I get to my cousins. I hate him. Why can't he just be a normal husband who doesn't do these things.

OP posts:
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