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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Christian wife leaving my husband

603 replies

WonderRose · 16/09/2017 11:48

I'm a Christian woman about to leave my husband and I was looking for some advice on how to carry the guilt. We have 2 children together and have been together 3 years. He's not a very nice man. I was speaking people before but I can't remember their usernames so can't get in touch with them

OP posts:
Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 09/10/2017 09:24

If you go to your cousins again it is likely he an your parents will know and may try again. You need professional advice and support. Please call.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 09/10/2017 09:24

Okay, you need to get out now. Phone the police. They will organise for medical examination. This is not about being believed. There is physical evidence/ marks and supporting evidence from text messages. You need to have this all logged formally. He will apart from everything else drag you through court for contact and residency/custody. Not because he is interested in the kids but to maintain control. You need paper trails.
He is dangerous. The statement about using the belt just like his father did would suggest he is a risk to the children as well.
Your cousin can meet you at the police.
Get out now, before he can decide to take time of work.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 09/10/2017 09:25

I'm pleased to hear it OP. Women's aid will help you will somewhere safe to stay and legal advice. They will also sort out your money - it is likely you will qualify for legal aid too.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:25

What does megalomaniac mean?

OP posts:
ToEarlyForDecorations · 09/10/2017 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:27

Whay do you mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:30

Mumsnet are going delete this again because people are reporting me. I knew people wouldn't believe me. What's the point. All I wanted was outsiders opinions from a perspective that I cant see, being brought up in an extremely religious community where woman are basically nothing. But obviously people cant possibly believe things like this happen so report me for lying.

OP posts:
MrsMotherHen · 09/10/2017 09:39

you need to get out asap.

MrsMotherHen · 09/10/2017 09:39

you need to get out asap.

steppemum · 09/10/2017 09:40

I hope you see this before it goes, in case you are genuine.
Never mind your religious community, in UK today these things are illegal:

  1. sex if you didn't want it
  2. any smacking or hitting if you don't want it
  3. controlling your finances so you do not have access to money
4 threatening behaviour (anything where he says - if you do that I will)
  1. not allowing access to your kids
  2. threatenign text messages
  3. blackmail

he has done all of the above, but you can't see it becuase you are conditioned to think that men have certain rights. They don't. I am a Christian and the Bible does not allow any of the above.
The Bible says he shold love you so much he would lay down his life for you. Stop feeling as if you can't complain in case it is against your religion. God does not ask you to stay with a man who is abusing you.

Go to the police.
report him
keep you kids safe, go to a refuge if necessary
Find a sympathetic church which will help you understand a true christian perspective

smartiecake · 09/10/2017 09:43

Take screenshots of these messages op incase it does get zapped. You have had lots of good advice.
Stay strong.
Get out
Report
Get legal advice

GeekLove · 09/10/2017 09:43

You should go to hospital so your injuries can be treated and you have more evidence. Also in future keep your children away from your parents. They are not trustworthy people.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 09/10/2017 09:43

What device are you using to post from? Are you being careful with your history? I am surprised he has not taken your phone from you.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:46

I'm going to go to the police once I'm at my cousins. He won't take my phone because he needs me to have it to text him all day. Thank you for all the advice incase they do delete this.

OP posts:
ToEarlyForDecorations · 09/10/2017 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:50

I don't know what drip feeding is?

OP posts:
cresit · 09/10/2017 09:53

This is bad. A belt?

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 09/10/2017 09:53

OP keep doing what you are doing. I hope your cousin arrives soon.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 09:56

You have never been in my situation. It's not learned helplessness or niavity. I've been brought up my entire life with all these rules and expectations. Constantly being told woman are here to serve men. Thats all I've ever known. Until I came on here and got other people perspective and advice and since then I've left him once and I'm about to do it again. Tjis time not trusting my parents. And as for the drip feeding, im not allowed to update my thread for the people who are actually helpful to hear how I'm doing and what's happening?

OP posts:
JayoftheRed · 09/10/2017 10:06

Ignore the haters OP. You're being so, so brave. I'm praying that you get away again - if possible, can your cousin lend you some money to get a hotel or something? I'm concerned that your parents will know where you've gone and might turn up there or something.

Definitely call WA, and the police, ask for the domestic abuse department, or whatever it's called. If you can manage it, could you actually go to the police station? It would be good if they could see the marks he's left first hand.

Your husband is not a Christian. Jesus preached love. Love is kind, love is gentle. Love does not anally rape you, beat you with a belt and threaten to do it again. Love does not take your children against your will and give them to your abuser. These people do not love you.

Please do update us, most of us understand that it's not as easy as "get out and go." You're being amazingly brave, for you and your children.

I am thinking of you this morning. Virtual hand hold all the way.

GinisLife · 09/10/2017 10:09

If everything had happened as you have said then I feel desperately sorry for you and you do need to get out now, but having read the entire thread over the past few days I now feel so frustrated and questioning of you because you just don't seem to be capable of taking on board what people are saying to you and doing something about it. I get that you feel helpless but if you won't speak to Women's Aid and won't go to the police then there's not much a load of people writing on a forum can do for you. YOU need to do it. Take on board all the advice and leave NOW via a police station - and NEVER go back, whatever he does with your kids. Take the advice before you end up in hospital.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 10:13

I am going to the lolice. I've already said in a previous post. I will go once I get to my cousins.

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 10:13

Police **

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 10:21

And I question advice because all of this is entirely new to me. I feel guilty about leaving my marriage and taking our children away from him even though he is bad to me not them. I feel guilty that I've left my church and now I can't trust my parents because they are on his sode. So yes i question adivce and i take some time to realise its for the best but i get there. It's hard to completely change your entire way of thinking in a few short weeks.

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 10:25

Please keep us updated with how today goes.