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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Christian wife leaving my husband

603 replies

WonderRose · 16/09/2017 11:48

I'm a Christian woman about to leave my husband and I was looking for some advice on how to carry the guilt. We have 2 children together and have been together 3 years. He's not a very nice man. I was speaking people before but I can't remember their usernames so can't get in touch with them

OP posts:
applesandpears33 · 08/10/2017 21:16

Would you consider a refuge? Cocoboots gave some information about refuges in her last post. If you go to your cousin's house your husband and family will know where you have gone.

Grimbles · 08/10/2017 21:29

Can your cousin give you some money to get away?

RandomMess · 08/10/2017 21:33

If you go to the refuge they will help you claim benefits find you a solicitor experienced in dealing with abusive men. It means he wouldn't be able to remove the DC again.

Primaryteach87 · 08/10/2017 21:35

There have also been some changes to family courts which mean access for abusive husbands to children will be harder and more closely supervised.

Wonderrose- where are you now? Please ring the number while he is out. I worry that he might come back and hurt you.

Primaryteach87 · 08/10/2017 21:37

Take your children to the refuge. Most women have children in refuges. They are geered up for mums. Don't believe his lies.

Original poster
WonderRose · 08/10/2017 21:58

He will be back in about half an hour. He's never hurt them or really like hurt me so I don't think he will do anything to me. They are safe. I'll think about what I can do and when I can leave again

OP posts:
NellyNouNou · 08/10/2017 22:40

Don't leave your children. Don't leave them with him. Take them with you. He would only keep them until court IF YOU let him. Just get out, please. Worry about the money after. Women's Aid WILL help you with everything.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 08/10/2017 23:12

Please just go!

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 07:02

I have to leave. Last night was hell. I'm just going to have to go today and forget about taking money. I feel so sick, feels like I'm just supposed to suffer in life. My faith isn't helping anymore. I must be going through this for a reason. Sorry if I'm just ranting, sort of makes my head clearer when i actually see things written out

OP posts:
Grimbles · 09/10/2017 07:07

Please go. Get your kids and get out of there Sad

bullyingadvice2017 · 09/10/2017 07:16

Is he going to work today? Please call women's aid or a local women's centre. You need to go to a refuge.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 07:19

Im going back to my cousins. He left for work about an hour ago. She's coming to get me. She will be a few hours. I hate him even more after last night. I'm packing just now. I'm cutting all contact with my parents, They are they reason I'm back in this mess.

OP posts:
newdaylight · 09/10/2017 07:20

Hello.
Has he stopped you accessing money? You keep talking about not having any money but last time you were able to take half

Also he's texting you every 15 mins when you're not together. Those are stored on your phone?

If you can evidence those two things you have evidence of domestic abuse through control and coercion right there

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/
Other examples there.

My advice for leaving today is to call woman's aid. They do this stuff really well

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 07:23

He used to give me the bank card once a month to pay bills etc. But he won't do that anymore because when I left I took half the money that was in the account. He are it clear last night that I won't have access to any money ever again. My cousin is happy to take us, she loved having the kids there.

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 07:25

What happened last night op?

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 07:28

I don't really want to go into details. So I'll just say he made it perfectly clear where I stand in this marriage and how everything is going to change. Was humiliating.

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 07:29

Sorry what I meant Is, did something happen last night that should/could be reported to the police? I know you would find that difficult but it would open up support services to you and also give you added protection from him.

Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 07:30

Ahh crossed post op. Look, you have got this. You are a billion times stronger than you realise and a billion times a better person than him. Do what you feel is right but please please please make a report to the police so they know where you are and what's going on. Pretty please?

Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 07:32

Oh and speak to woman's aid today. They will help you with benefits and longer term, housing. There may even be an emergency fund to help you initially.

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 07:32

No I don't think so. That's the reason he smacks my bum. So I can't say anything to the police because then it's just his word against mine and it's considered 'kinky' and people like it so there's nothing the can do about it. Last night he didn't use his hand. And after it he done what he always wants

OP posts:
newdaylight · 09/10/2017 07:32

I think to be blunt, did he rape or sexually assault you or in any other way assault you? If so, please report it as this all becomes important when court comes up later.

Also, report his abusive texts this time. They are harassment, and police can put orders in to stop it

Original poster
WonderRose · 09/10/2017 07:34

No he didn't because I just let him do it.

OP posts:
IrritatedUser1960 · 09/10/2017 07:34

No matter what religion you are, if you believe marriage is for life it is a bitter pill and feels like a failure. I stayed with my first husband far to long, not wanting to give up. i stayed with him until the slapping and kicking started then enough is enough.
Your first priority is your children and they don't need to witness abuse or controlling behaviour. It is he who has broken his vows not you.

GeorgeTheHamster · 09/10/2017 07:35

Do speak to women's aid op, for advice once you are at your cousin's

Desmondo2016 · 09/10/2017 07:36

Op please phone the police. You are either minimising or completely misunderstanding the extent of his abuse to you. I am a police officer and I would LOVE the opportunity to work with you on this and wipe the arrogant smile off his face. You WILL get support. He deserves his comeuppance . Being spanked is only ok if its consensual, else it's assault. I suspect there is far far more gone on than you have posted about too. Phone 101 now. Say you need to speak to a domestic abuse officer urgently about longstanding abuse that is coming to a climax today as you are leaving.