Christian wife leaving my husband

[WonderRose]

I'm a Christian woman about to leave my husband and I was looking for some advice on how to carry the guilt. We have 2 children together and have been together 3 years. He's not a very nice man. I was speaking people before but I can't remember their usernames so can't get in touch with them

We are all 100% behind you and here if you need us @Wonder.
We are in awe of your courage.
You can begin to re-build your life and start to realise what freedom and peace is now.
You are so strong and it will soon be over, you are safe now.

You got the Order - you did brilliantly.

Rest now. Wishing you a deep long sleep

Op. You should be so proud of yourself!
You have the order, if he has been bailed he has been charged. You are doing THE BEST for your dc.
Stay strong!

Wonder, please don't think he'll change and become a loving husband and father. HE WONT

The beatings would become more frequent more violent as would the sexual abuse.

He will beat your DC for any perceived bad behaviour. It's the only way he knows to gain the control he so badly wants over everyone.

He would most probably make you a prisoner in your home if you were to ever return.

You feel tired and worn out as the adrenaline over the past days is leaving your body. Read through your posts. Remember the humiliation, remember the pain. Remember he doesn't love you. He just wants to control and abuse you.

Be strong. Be happy. I hope you have contacted women's aid. They will be especially helpful now and help you see your bright and happy future. They will help you with sorting out the money which he needs to give you to care for the DC.

Be proud of yourself for saying no more to his actions of aggressive assault and rape and control.

Yes, he's a vindictive man and he will not forgive. He'll say he will - but he almost certainly won't.

In terms of the pressure some Christians will put on you - remember that you may or may not forgive him yourself, in time; but nothing in the Bible commands us to go back into a destructive situation with a destructive man as far as I am aware

Wonder I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you (as I am sure a great many people - on the thread and lurkers alike - are).

Please be kind to yourself, none of this is your fault. Post as and when you want to, we're all here for you

Lovely, it's going to be months of hassle, with us and your cousin and WA and police supporting you.

Please come back, talk to us. It doesn't have to be about anything in particular, just what you've done with your kids, where you'd like to go on holiday anything really. Just let us know how you are.

Hope you're doing ok today. Keep up the bravery and the battle - you'll get to the other side, but if you turn back, you won't get to that other side will you? Keep going and every step will take you closer to a better life...

Stay strong, love. Every day you stay away from him, you break his hold a little more.

Thinking of you today. Be kind to yourself

Stay strong, hope your first weekend of freedom is a uneventful relaxed one.

Hey everyone, been a busy few days, more questions from the police. My parents have sent me a letter, apparently I'm no longer part of the family. My cousin says who cares she enjoys having no one in the family talk to her. I just feel sad, I know my parents are awful people but I have younger cousins and and nieces and nephews and now I won't get to see any of them again. Everything I've ever known is gone. Ive been enjoying the time with my babies though, nice to see thwm settle quickly.

Your parents are happy for you to be raped and abused simply to keep up appearances, that's beyond disgusting. You are being so brave op, keep going, you have an army of friends and supporters on here who are here for you whenever you feel alone.

Well done op. You have been really strong.
Your parents have behaved appallingly throughout this.

Yes these people are gone from your life, but remember that they are the ones that conditioned you to be a plaything for an abusive man.

You no longer are under their influence, but more importantly, your kids aren't either and have a better chance of growing up confident of their own equality and self worth.

Because of your cousin's strength and isolation, she was able to help you now. You will be able to help other family members in the future. Right now you are helping your DCs and yourself.

You’ve given your nieces and nephews something far more precious than your presence, though.

You’ve given them permission to make changes, to refuse to be treated badly, the possibility of a happier life, should they need it.

You’ve shown them it can be different. You may find that they’ll make contact with you in later years.

Keep going!

You are doing so well wonder. You are a parent, would you be OK to stand by and watch one of them in an abusive relationship? Try and focus on you and your children and a positive future. Much better than bringing them up in an abusive household. Well done. Keep going. One day at a time

Get your cousin to filter your mail for you then you need not read any more offensive drivel!
You will be better off in the long run away from them. Imagine your dad was in this situation and then writing that letter. It's inhumane to expect anyone to put up with what you have, even for one week. They should be incredibly proud that you have got yourself and kids to a safe place away from this disgusting pig.

Move on and build a happy safe content life for yourselves where there's one boss, you!

Have you applied to get benefits and housing near your cousin?

I have read your posts with such sadness for you but so glad that you have received such support on here and relieved that you are away. It’s heartbreaking to think any parent could write such a letter. You must take heart that your nieces and nephews have you and your cousin to turn to if they need and other family or church members may need you too.

How disgustingly unchristian of your parents.

I would keep that letter to show the police, if you have not done so already. It further supports your case.

I can’t work out who is worse, your parents or your husband. I am so cross for you that they have subverted religion to justify abuse (but sad that this is an all too common route), It sounds as if it is going to be a long slog to get the life back that you deserve. stay strong, keep believing that you deserve better!

Keep in mind that although your parents would like to speak for the whole family - it is made up of individuals and they have their own minds.

You might well find that other parts of the family are not in support of a man who raped and beat one of their own!

When you feel stronger, perhaps when you reflect, or have counselling, or perhaps when the police have charged this man, when the evidence of his abuse is in black and white, and you have the words to express yourself, write to your parents. Tell them in stark and clear terms, tell them that forcing anal sex on your wife is rape, spanking her with a belt and telling her 'its in your ass tonight' is not just a physical punishment for not being a good wife. It's sexually abusive, it's deviant, when it's like that is a sexual kink. He got sexual pleasure from hitting you and forcing you. It's not consensual. The emotional abuse, financial and the control I think stem from his warped need to sexually abuse and his need to control stem from sexual jealousy not from any religious doctrine.