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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Christian wife leaving my husband

603 replies

WonderRose · 16/09/2017 11:48

I'm a Christian woman about to leave my husband and I was looking for some advice on how to carry the guilt. We have 2 children together and have been together 3 years. He's not a very nice man. I was speaking people before but I can't remember their usernames so can't get in touch with them

OP posts:

RaininSummer · 10/10/2017 18:45

Well done x you are made of Wonder stuff x

Goodasgoldilox · 10/10/2017 18:45

Well done OP!
Your actions have done more than free yourself.
By leaving an abuser (and poor role model) you have given your children chance to be much happier in their futures. Your son is not going to imagine that he has to behave with such cruelty towards the women in his life . Your daughter will not expect to suffer the cruelties inflicted on her mother.

picklemepopcorn · 10/10/2017 18:47

One step at a time! It's a huge change, being free for the first time. Be kind to yourself.

Original poster

WonderRose · 10/10/2017 19:12

I left last time and he got the kids back to make to me come home. He'll do it again. Theu said he will be arrested tonight. He hasn't called or text since this morning. My cousin lives hours away from where I lived with him so it wouldn't be easy for him to come here.

OP posts:

MiniTheMinx · 10/10/2017 19:15

Wonder, what you have to remind yourself is that your husband brought this upon himself. he might hate you, that can't be any worse than the pain and hurt he has caused to you. If the police charge him with a crime, it will be because he has committed a crime. You have done nothing wrong.

I'm sure there will be days when you question your own mind, days when you question whether it was that bad, or whether you did something to deserve it, days when you feel angry because the full extent of what he has done will hit you.It is hard when people tell you its abuse, when you finally wake up and face this reality. People protect themselves by telling themselves its all normal, or its their own fault, because no one likes to admit to themselves that they have been a victim. But facing up to this is a necessary part of the journey to a better life. It won't be easy, but it won't be harder than what you have had to already endure. ((hugs)) and it will get better.

ChunkyPunky · 10/10/2017 19:22

You have done so well OP. I know how very hard that must have been for you.

As your H and DP claim to be practising Christians I'm a bit puzzled as to what they would say to Jesus to explain their treatment of you? I don't think he'd be very impressed. I don't remember Jesus advocating beatings, anal rape and general sexual abuse to keep wives in line. I must have missed that part of the Bible at Confirmation classes. You know he taught the exact opposite and he would want to save you from this.

I'm now agnostic, I'm not religious anymore but dear OP this is no version of Christianity I recognise. And I've been practising it 25 years longer than you.

Please look after yourself and your children and take advice from the police to keep yourself and your DC safe.

Pannnn · 10/10/2017 19:27

He won't be able to do it again regarding your children. He will be charged and bailed by the police with an immediate condition he does not contact you. If he does he will be re-arrested and remanded to prison. Which is the best place for him.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 10/10/2017 19:42

He won't be able to keep them even if he does do it. You are their primary carer. He is violent and abusive. It isn't safe for him to have hem.

You can apply to the courts to get them back - if he at any point won't give them back to you.

I can't remember what it's called but there was a poster on here last week that had to do this. Within 24 hours a court order was given and the child was removed from him and given back to her.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 10/10/2017 19:42

Hopefully he's already in custody.

SeaEagleFeather · 10/10/2017 20:51

Did the police say that they'd let you know what's happening?

seeds1962 · 10/10/2017 21:14

De lurking ( have read your previous thread and this one) to say I admire you SO MUCH for what you have done! You have been abused and conditioned and coerced and you have managed to break free!
I applaud you, I really do and admire you so much! Such an example to your children xxxx

Original poster

WonderRose · 10/10/2017 21:49

He was arrested. They said they are keeping him overnight for questioning and will release him tomorrow most likely. With the condition he doesn't come near me or the kids. Will he be at court tomorrow??

OP posts:

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 10/10/2017 21:52

I don't think he has to be there for you to secure a non molestation order but I could be wrong. I'm sure someone will know.

I'm very pleased he's been arrested. I hope he slips up and drops himself in it when they interview him.

Original poster

WonderRose · 10/10/2017 21:53

He won't. He is very smart and charming, he could twist anyone around his finger so to speak. He'll get away with it

OP posts:

GeekLove · 10/10/2017 21:58

He won't be the first one who's tried it on with them. Don't think it is a lost cause. I hope there is photographic evidence of your injuries.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 10/10/2017 21:58

I imagine the police deal with his type more often than you'd think.

In any case there was physical evidence of what he'd done to you. The marks. At the very least he will have to stay away from you and the children.

MiniTheMinx · 10/10/2017 22:00

He will not be in court when you apply for the non molestation order.

SeaEagleFeather · 10/10/2017 22:02

In truth, wonder, smart and charming men get away with an awful lot. I don't think anyone can say for sure at this point what will happen.

But you do have the physical evidence which is going to count for something, hopefully a lot.

Do speak to Women's Aid.

Pannnn · 10/10/2017 22:03

Yes he will appear at the local magistrates court and will v likely to get bail. So he will be out BUT with restricted conditions to not contact you. IF he does do NOT respond but report it to the police.

Original poster

WonderRose · 10/10/2017 22:06

Yeah they habe the pictures of the marks left by the belt he used but that's the only real evidence apart from my statement and they going to be his word against mine. He's a lot smarter than me and will play it well. I'm glad he won't be at court tomorrow

OP posts:

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 10/10/2017 22:08

The police meet bastards like him all the time. They won't be taken in. Hopefully you'll hear from them tomorrow. Well done WonderRose, you're doing all the right things. Keep faith.

bullyingadvice2017 · 10/10/2017 22:09

You have done the right thing today. Have a bath now and get to bed. Deal with tomorrow, tomorrow! Worrying won't change anything!

Desmondo2016 · 10/10/2017 22:10

What about the text messages. That is evidence .

Pannnn · 10/10/2017 22:11

Don't forget you will never have to deal with him again on your own. You have police, prosecution service and a solicitor to deal with him on your behalf.
You may think he is smart but services deal with his type daily. They don't fool anyone with experience of his type. Rest assured.

Original poster

WonderRose · 10/10/2017 22:13

The text messages and voicemails where of him angry that I left, taking his kids etc. Doesn't really prove abuse or anything does it?

OP posts:

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