OP, I get how difficult this can be when you come from a conservative religious background. It is similar to brainwashing to grow up that way--it is presented to you as the way things ought to be, and that includes women having no free access to money, submitting to the husband as total head of the household, etc. It does happen and it is hard to escape from.
You're not a bad person for having believed that for however many years. You're not a bad person for wanting to get away from it, either. But it is incredibly hard while you live in an echo chamber of people with the beliefs of your parents ... people who would rather see their daughter abused by her husband than go against the teachings of their church. But this does happen in real life, sadly.
Guilt is a classic tool for abuse. Loads of abusers use it to entrap their targets.
every time you feel guilty about your kids, or feel you can't handle the months of courts, police, etc ... think about whether you want your kids to grow up with the same mindset and experience the same thing when they get married someday. Then you'll know that fighting through this is the right thing to do.
But only you can make that decision. There is help out there for you, reach out for it.
best wishes