How would you feel if your DP/DH had a takeaway for 1

[Blossomflowers]

I am wrong to be hurt by this. After a stressful day DP announced he is going out for food. Comes back with a chinese takeway and sits in the lounge and stuffs his face. Then offers me leftovers err no thanks. He has in fact done this twice in the past week. To make matters worse he knows I am broke.

IF he does this again, simple solution, go into the kitchen.
Get the washing up liquid.
Come back into the room and squeeze it all over his dinner.

Yeah, right cos that wont anger him even more will it?

What a stupid thing to suggest regarding a man who could be capable of anything judging by his behaviour so far.

IF he does this again, simple solution, go into the kitchen.
Get the washing up liquid.
Come back into the room and squeeze it all over his dinner.

For fucks sake, he could land her in hospital with a stunt like that.

OP, it's your house. Ask him to pack and to leave. Have your phone handy to call police if you think he will kick up a fuss.

And embrace your twat-free future.

So if he does something in anger, he doesn't feel that he's responsible for his actions, but the person who angered him? It's not appropriate to apologise as it's the person who made him angry who is the wrong, not him?

You can't live with a man who believes he's not responsible for his own actions. That is a very very dangerous mindset.

Remember - he can justify doing anything if he believes someone else is responsible for making him angry.

Ask him to leave, you aren't actually safe living with a man like this.

You deserve better than this. If you don't know this, I'm telling you: You deserve better than this

Take the steps to make yourself happy and not accommodate people in your life who make you unhappy. The first step is to ask him to leave. No discussions. Expect him to be charming, loving, then angry and abusive.

You deserve to be happy.

You said the magic words when you said 'It's my house'. Tell him to leave. Better still, text him when he's far from home and say you've packed his stuff because he can't stay with you any longer and when does he want to collect it. He collects it by arrangement only and you arrange a couple of friends to support you. He is an abusive arsehole.

Cocklodger. Get rid.

Another arsehole, get rid OP, you deserve so much better

I can cope with name calling in a heat of an argument, I have done it

Why on earth would you want to be with someone who calls you nasty names or who irritates you to the point that you call them nasty names. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship where there is so little respect .

Jesus....tell him to leave or you will call the police....change locks....find someone who will treat you ith the respect you deserve...he is an arsehole....you deserve better

Never ever give him the chance to do this again.

He needs to go. Today

Just no words. You know what you need to do and deep down you know you will never regret it.

Hi blossom, I'm glad it eventually went well with your ex and for your son. You sound like such a nice person from your posts - and deserving of a much better relationship than you seem to be in at the moment. Good luck saying goodbye to Mr Wrong and to getting your life back.

Why do people always mistake women with high standards who love and respect men and expect them to be decent for 'man haters'.

I actually think that women who think all men are idiots who can't be decent and have to be spoon fed everything because 'aw bless them' hate men. Far more than me. I love and respect the men in my life. And none of them would behave like this charmer.

Motherofeight I will assume your post is meant to be a joke. Otherwise it is terrifying

I have noticed that there seems to be an increase in abuse deniers on here lately.

It makes life so much harder for abuse victims to be believed, to get convictions for domestic abuse, to get protecion via the courts when so many people have an attitude of "Well you must have done something to provoke him....."

I agree that expecting men to treat their partners with respect and decency, as women are, is not being a man hater. Saying "Come on, its your own fault really isnt it? Admit it!" suggest a far larger hatred of women who are abuse victims than of the men who hurt them.

Gosh that's the problem then.
Oh burns the dinner them storms off and gets himself a take away but nothing for op and offers her his leftovers but it was something SHE did that made him do it.

Ok mn should basically just out a multipurpose reply on relationship problems then.

"It's your fault he is a shit partner. Sort yourself out woman"

Save space on the relationship boards .

Unless someone is completely insane then there must be a reason
Most abusers are not insane.
They know exactly what they are doing.
And there usually is a reason for it.
Something they witnessed when they were younger.
It's often something to do with their upbringing.
A father who treated their mother in a similar way maybe.
But abusers don't need reasons for their abuse.
It's what they do.
Do NOT victim blame.
There are thousands and thousands for women (and men) out there being abused on a daily basis.
Through no fault of their own.

Motherofeight your response is truly terrifying.

Bloody hilarious really. The op goes and does the dishwasher but she is 'storming off' , asks him a question she is wrong to dare to do so. Needs punishing? Of course she does silly woman. We already know she is a "thick bitch" cos he says so so it must be true

Ffs!

You are ignoring everyone telling you that he is toxic and you should DUMP HIM.

Why?

Willow

Well she should have been the one cooking dinner shouldnt she?

AFter all, if she had cooked it then it wouldnt have burned and he wouldnt have had to go and feed himself. Frankly, she brought it on herself didnt she?

I wonder what Mother would say to her own DD if she was being abused as the OP is. One would hope that she would be a lot more supportive.

Pyon

You know the scary thing is I doubt she would be. I think there would be a lot of 'reflection' on what her daughter could have said or did to cause him to abuse her. Obviously nobody abuses another person without a good reason!

When I read Mother's post I thought it was Blossom's partner and genuinely felt worried for her but it appears that Mother's posted before a while ago. Her post is horrific.

I would assume that motherofeight is one of those who would in fact blame her own DD for "not being able to keep her man happy" if her DD was in such a relationship. And tell her to sort herself out, do things that please him to turn his behaviour around. In other words "woman, subjugate yourself to your Man as he is the Master and you must please him".

Agree, it's a terrifying position.

Willow

And that is why some women stay with abusers, because they have been conditioned to believe that whatever he does, it must be their fault at some level. They know that their own families wont be supportive.

My family, until recent years anyway, would have been perfect contenders for the Stately Homes thread. But one thing I can say for them is that they never blamed me for the abuse I suffered. They always believed me and even if they did privately wonder if I had provoked him, they have have never said it and never made me feel that I should say with an abuser.

How can we as women, ever get equality when our own kind turn against us when we are hurt or abused?