How would you feel if your DP/DH had a takeaway for 1

[Blossomflowers]

I am wrong to be hurt by this. After a stressful day DP announced he is going out for food. Comes back with a chinese takeway and sits in the lounge and stuffs his face. Then offers me leftovers err no thanks. He has in fact done this twice in the past week. To make matters worse he knows I am broke.

Please will you get this man to leave. He is sadistic, nasty and doesn't like you - he probably doesn't even like himself but that is not your problem.

Can someone link to the thing that Reality wrote? I always fuck up links.

Get rid, and do the Freedom Programme to try to figure out why you'd consider putting up with such shit for a relationship.

The girl on the train stuff you're mentioning is called gaslighting. It's a very well documented form of abuse. Google it OP. I think you'll be shocked at how familiar it is to you

Anyone who called me a thick bitch would be out of the door so fast their feet wouldn't touch the floor. Especially if it were my house.

And anyone who didn't share food with me would not be in my life full stop. I take food very seriously.

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He doesn't like you.

He doesn't care about you.

why would you settle for that?

Obviously it sometimes takes living together to see it, but now you have, it's ok to admit you made a mistake.

(IF you have only been together for 18 months, how long have you been living together? Who's idea was him moving in as he doesn't seem to like living in your home, but expecting you to act like you are living as a guest in his?)

It just wouldn't happen here to be honest. Most bizarre.

OP I can't believe what I'm reading. Why are you with him. Please don't put up with that. He called you a thick bitch - throw him the fuck out. And please stop saying he offered you the leftovers like that makes it ok - you offer leftovers to the dog, not your partner! He is vile.

Re gaslighting I am very familiar with that and that is exactly what he is doing. Re him wanting to split I asked him outright if he wants to finish us and just made him angry. When he is angry it is almost like he hates me, just never known someone stay angry for so long over something so small.

How would I feel?

Upset/angry?

But it wouldn't happen because I wouldn't be treated like that-my husband is a kind, decent human being.

*hope don't worry I was being ironic about the leftovers. It was laughable as he seemed to think that was ok. Then went on to eat them anyway

He is a cunt Blossom an abusive cocklodging one at that. Get rid of him. You deserve better that this and you know it.

He is angry cos you dared to state the obvious. He just stays for convenience he doesn't care about anyone but himself.

You deserve so much better tell him to go find someone he actually respects as you don't respect him any more and you are not putting up with his attitude any longer.

The fact that he got angry when you suggested splitting up doesn't mean you're not allowed to. You don't need his permission to end the relationship.

He did that twice in a week? And called you names? I'd be asking him if he needed a hand with his packing!

My love, on average it takes about 18m-2yrs for abusers to show themselves. Usually when they think they have got you where they want you, usually moved in/engaged/married/pregnant.

Your boyf is showing you who he is.
he's called you a 'thick bitch', he's ignored you and made all sorts of stupid accusations. He is punishing you.

He ruined the food and somehow YOU got punished.A normal person would be mortified and would make it up to you, take you out, get you to call the takeaway etc.

Only a selfish twat would order and scoff the entire thing in front of you.

His 'anger' is manufactured, he is USING this anger to frighten and intimidate you.

He needs to go.

Don't ask him about him wanting to split, TELL him that you are splitting.

Because:
-he's called you a 'thick bitch',

• he's ignored you
• He's made all sorts of stupid accusations.
• He is punishing you.

- ... and everything else you have not listed, but we know there is more

Bin him. Today.

Why are you with him?

You don't need to ask him if he wants to split and face his anger, just tell him what you want.

The more you type blossom the worse it sounds. Ive never actually said this to anyone before on here but i absolutely think you need to be getting rid of him. Its not right, hes trying to control you by destroying your self esteem & making you doubt yourself

Hissy as always wise words. You are right there is a whole lot more. Can abusers ever change. Why do I try and fix people.

So OP, what do you think you are going to do about this situation?

You need to fix yourself and not worry about this twat. He's horrible. Get rid.

He called you a thick bitch?

The takeaway thing happening twice in a week is pretty shitty but sounds like it's symptomatic of much wider issues.

Are you usually happy with him? Could this charitably be thought of as him having a crap week or two at work and taking it out on you (still not acceptable but at least a reason)? Or is he just horrible?

The only person you can fix is you. Abusers often see themselves as victims if their actions are questioned. Are you familiar with the karpman triangle? By thinking you can fix him, you are entering into a game, which you cannot 'win' and acting as rescuer. And there we have it. The elements of the karpman triangle: perpetrator (abuser), victim and rescuer.

blossom abusers might or might not be able to change. It's not your responsibility or concern to try and change them. You should certainly not stay and continue to be abused out of any sense of duty.

Very few abusers change btw. Because they normally get what they want from their behaviour, so why would they? When ever something goes wrong, it's always someone else's fault.

Firstly I am going to have read of the book Lundy Bancroft, I have all day on my own as it seems he will not be back till late or even tomorrow. I am reeling, we had so many plans and so much in place it is complicated. He is awesome when he is being nice, I just don't get it,