newish relation shop - mood swings

[cocoface]

I'm dating a guy that I knew from years ago - friend of a friend. He can be totally lovely etc but can go into tempers where he literally will say the most horrible things.

The most recent being we had a night out and after going back to mine and having z few more drinks we crashed out. He left his phone downstairs and the alarm goes off this morning. I woke him to tell him and he is like another person. He told me I was selfish inconsidebate and needy. That just because I'm up etc that I don't need to talk. In facthe - so he tells me - I need company all the time he can't have a cigarette etc but I'm beside him. I honestly don't feel I've done anything wrong but more than once he as been awful to me. Shouting and nasty.

He has told me he won't be back to see me and if I want him to phone
I'm so so upset - he says he loves me and then.this 😢.

So glad you've been strong enough to end it, you do right to wait until you know he can't talk you around.

Of course it really hurts, he told you how great you are, that he loves etc and them performed a brutal character assassination!

You're doing great op , we'll done for putting some distance there and not forgiving his crappy behaviour.

Re the coat - do you really care about it or is it more about facing him? Because you really don't have to you know.

Well done Op

Now block him from being able to contact you.

He may ramp things up, abusers like him hate 'looking' their prey, if he harasses you or is aggresive call the police and let them deal with him.

If he threatens to harm himself in any way, it is not your problem, if he threatens suicide call the police, they can deal with him.

Good luck and hope that you find a state of calm and peace soon.

looking? Losing

I want to prove to myself that I can face him. It will have to be me contacting him though as he has told me he won't chase after next if he isn't wanted then he leaves. I feel sick to my stomach with anxiety. I've been throwing up since 4 am. How weak am I? - I'm ashamed of myself 😣😢

You're not weak coco, he's done a number on you. Think of it as you vomiting
all his spite & meaness out of you. You've recognised what he is on his first go at controlling you. You're strong, go you
.

But why do you need to face him? If he's as manipulative as he seems then no good can come of that. Abusive types always need to "win" so you can guarantee he'll use you facing him as an opportunity to get your back up or pull at your heart strings.

Obviously it's your decision but I don't understand why you'd put yourself through that rather than staying away, getting strong and living your life happily.

Why do people behave this way? - what do they get out of it? - we were supposed to be building a future together yet me as a person seems to offend him so much. I don't think I'm a bad person. OK I might have annoying traits but who doesn't? - there are ways of dealing with people without annihilating them as people.

I told him I wanted a man to love and care for me for who I am. To love me warts and all - he of course says he does love me and like me etc - this after he has verbally and emotionally attacked me 😢

People behave this way because they are disordered and don't give a shit about anyone else's feelings.

The best we can all do is learn to protect ourselves and keep our boundaries strong.

You know he will be contacting you declaring undying love if you don't chase him don't you? Then he will tie you up in knots until you think it's all your fault again and you will be begging forgiveness. Be prepared for what you are going to say/do when he contacts you because I'm sure he will.

Stop turning his behaviour on to you. It's his dysfunction not yours.
However your extreme reaction indicated you have codependent traits and low self esteem. Please consider counselling.

Don't you dare pay him half for the weekend. He can take someone else - a psychotherapist, maybe!

Well done for listening to your twat radar.

Yes I do have low self esteem -I admit that but I'm taking consolation in the fact that I didn't accept that behaviour. I had a difficult childhood and it has stayed with me. I am trying to address that though.

Ha! Snap! I tend to avoid dating now as I only ever attract nobs. You are clearly ahead of me.

Breaking up is really really hard whatever the circumstances but it sounds like you've done the right thing. Be kind to yourself. Take support from your friends and family and don't feel bad for getting upset. Day by day you will get better

He has apologised profusely but I just can't go back there. I'm heart sore with it. This is a person I really cared for and it's hard to see him upset

He didn't worry about upsetting me though!

Wake up, the nasty side is the real him, the nice face is a facade.
No you dont need to face him, you need to have nothing to do with him.

Take the Freedom Program.
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

I told him earlier on the phone what I thought of how he treated me. He was very contrite but now I can't see his profile picture on whatsapp so I think he has blocked me! - that hurt for some reason. It all hurts tbh.

I tested whatsapp to see if I was blocked ie I sent a message with a symbol. He was straight on to me so apparently he didn't Block me. Why do I care if he did though? - that's what's annoying me. I feel so weak 😢

Oh and he is going to.pass my stuff back next week. So once that's done I can start to try to heal I hope.