Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend with benefits wants to 'f**k me forever'

148 replies

Diditmyway · 06/09/2017 22:56

I'm so confused, we only have a sex only relationship, which has been on and off for almost two years now, but he says stuff like this a lot, also has said he loves having sex with me more than anything and he would do anything with me (sex related). We were having sex once and he was saying my name over and over and he told me he loved me but it's only sex?

OP posts:
Original poster
Diditmyway · 07/09/2017 10:09

It did get more intense when I told him I wanted him to dominate me and be rough with me and other things, and he seemed to go wild, he told me stuff about himself that he'd done and then we got onto the mother and son stuff, I loved him telling me all this stuff and he was saying that he would do anything with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Diditmyway · 07/09/2017 10:13

He's not needy at all though, I'm the needy one, he's moved away recently for work and I got upset and he told me not to get emotional again.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/09/2017 10:19

You sound as fucked up as he is, tbh

canhealthyhappen · 07/09/2017 10:27

Yeah fucked up is exciting for a while.

Then you need Coke to go through with it...

Then you have to drink more and more...

Anyways.

angieloumc · 07/09/2017 11:03

Trying not to judge but mother/son fantasies? When you have a son a similar age. Ew.

Original poster
Diditmyway · 07/09/2017 13:26

We don't need coke, we have used it together and we want to again, I hardly ever drink as well, I don't understand why people are judging either.

OP posts:
Brahms3rdracket · 07/09/2017 13:38

You don't understand the judgement??? Wow Hmm

Original poster
Diditmyway · 07/09/2017 13:45

No haha I don't, what's wrong with sharing fantasies, thats all it is Confused, I don't give a f**k anyway, I'm past caring what anyone thinks of me.

OP posts:
canhealthyhappen · 07/09/2017 13:55

Fantasies are fine when they're role played in a safe relationship. Playing a schoolgirl for your H... ok

Wearing your uniform because you actually do still go to school and are dating someone quite a bit older... not ok

This fantasy mirrors real life

That's the problem.

angieloumc · 07/09/2017 14:00

Wow 😳 you don't understand why people would judge you sharing mother/son fantasies with someone who is the same generation as your actual son.

PsychedelicSheep · 07/09/2017 14:00

Umm, I am 38 and my boyfriend of 3 years is 27. That's an 11 year age gap, not a generation! What's all this mother/son stuff about? You're not old enough to be his mother?! And I'm not old enough to be my boyfriends mother! You're creeping me right out! 😖😷

If you want him as a boyfriend the age gap shouldn't stop you, it's really not a big deal for us. We started as fwb too actually. But definitely pay attention to what he does not what he says. He may well enjoy having sex with you but if he's happy to keep you as an 'indoor girl' then he's not interested in anything more, either that works for you or it doesn't.

PsychedelicSheep · 07/09/2017 14:03

If you're not friends then I would say he's a fuck buddy, not an fwb. Subtle difference.

Either way, you sound overinvested and like you are heading for heartbreak I'm afraid.

Huskylover1 · 07/09/2017 14:04

Whilst you are giving this guy all of this head space, you are not spending any time in cultivating a normal relationship with someone who will actually want to be with you properly. You are wasting a lot of time. Do you still want to be sleeping with him, when he is 37 and married, and you are his 49 year old "bit on the side"?

AIM HIGHER.

OlderGolder · 07/09/2017 14:07

You're squaring up to be tortured there.
Also, his saying he'd do anything with you in bed is not a compliment is it?

I had a situation where I was friends with a man and we slept together occasionally, so not really fwb, more like friends and occasionally we slept together but I walked away from him and I felt better
I missed him to begin with. All of the firsts were hard. When I got an interview and had nobody to tell. That kind of thing. I missed the easy chat. But I knew he just didn't view me as a gf which made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him. Now I understand that I have the scruples not to do to anybody else what he put me through. I'm better than he is and he's not good enough for me.

You have to just call it a day. It will be hard. But you'll feel better and stronger for it.

OlderGolder · 07/09/2017 14:14

DidItMyWay I posted about my 'friend' a while back too. I cut him all sorts of slack for not calling me his gf because he fed me a script that he was commitmentphobic, a hermit, avoidant, in therapy, blah blah blah. Now I see that if he'd been honest and principled enough to say that he didn't want a relationship with me and the last two words are important then the rejection would have felt more personal and I wouldn't have cut him the slack I did.

Look, if it's ambiguous, it's not right. I know that much now. I am never cutting anybody any slack again. Ambiguous grey areas are not my thing.
Mixed messages are not my thing.

I feel a lot better now. Single, but unlike my old 'friend' when I'm single I'm actually properly single and that's fine. I deal with being single better than he does tbh, I don't need to leak in to other people's lives taking intimacy but not offering anything in return.

Walk away and be the one to cut contact and I promise you, you'll feel better for it. I do. I saw my 'friend' recently and I got turned off. But he hadn't changed. I had. ANd finally his ambiguity just turned me off. You can recalibrate what you find attractive.

Brahms3rdracket · 07/09/2017 14:34

" I don't give a f**k anyway, I'm past caring what anyone thinks of me" - so why bother posting then? Go and carry on fucking your make believe son and keep kidding yourself it's a normal set up that's fwb, but not fwb. You're clearly head over heals and he's getting all the commitment free sex he wants on tap. You'll end up bereft, but you won't listen to any advice so you're just wasting everyone's time.

Huskylover1 · 07/09/2017 14:44

You're clearly head over heals and he's getting all the commitment free sex he wants on tap

Yep. ^^

I will never understand, why women get drawn in to this insulting set up. Basically the guy saying, "I'll fuck you on my terms, and I will not be there for you in any other way. I'll also be fucking plenty of others, and you will accept this" Arsehole, I would kick him in to next week.

ladystarkers · 07/09/2017 14:45

Ewww.....mother and so roleplay😮

Original poster
Diditmyway · 07/09/2017 14:48

Im happy to listen to advice and other people's experiences, so thanks for those posts but not to be judged I meant. And there is a poster on here who is always making horrible blunt comments on threads where people are pouring their hearts out Angry. The fantasy stuff is silly I know, I'm just trying to have some fun and new experiences after spending too long in a very miserable relationship.

OP posts:
blueberrypie0112 · 07/09/2017 14:49

He want a commitment? It is weird how you put it like this when relationships/marriages is mostly about sex

Original poster
Diditmyway · 07/09/2017 14:54

It easy to say arsehole and that when it's someone else and I would say exactly the same and sometimes I do get angry but I just adore him, I can't help it. I'm actually on holiday at the moment and feeling lonely, I suppose I need to try and find someone I feel comfortable with to have a relationship, just my previous relationship has put me off and I feel like I can't be bothered if there's not going to be any passion or excitement.

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 07/09/2017 15:14

The thing about passion is: after a while it burns out. It sounds to me like you're both just addicted to the sex. That's not a good basis for future happiness.

OlderGolder · 07/09/2017 16:03

Yes with regard to the very harsh posts, that's not what helps you see things in a different light.

OP, are you 37? That's still young. There's men in their forties who'd be delighted to date you. You are making yourself feel old by dating a man a decade plus younger than you. I'm not criticising because I did it a while ago, at 44 I dated a 34 year old. Waste of my time. He was a nice guy though. I ended it. I found him naive. More recently I got involved with 'friend' mentioned upthread, 3 years younger. Not a big deal imo, but he clearly felt it was worth being non-commital to me and holding out for a younger woman. If he was going to commit it was certainly not going to be to an older woman. He didn't have children though. So I get it. But....... he shouldn't have been my 'friend' for so long. Anyway, I have lived and learned. There will be exceptions to this of course but generally, I don't think younger men are a good place to start looking for a man who'll value you and commit to you (if that's what you want from him).

ravenmum · 07/09/2017 16:37

Is he saying things and asking you to say things in character, as part of the role play?

If you don't want a fwb you need to find out if that is all that's on offer or not.

pinkingshears · 07/09/2017 17:14

goodasgoldilox

What POEM is that from pls?

Swipe left for the next trending thread