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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I sent ex DP a video where DD 3 is playing in a t shirt and nothing else. He has reported me to a family friend who is a solicitor.

115 replies

fadetoblack · 29/08/2017 02:15

I left DP in January this year and moved five hours away. Since then I try and send photos and/ or videos daily for him to still feel a part of her life.

Today at bedtime DD began to play a game with her soft toys and was really engaged and chatty. I thought it was a sweet moment. I recorded about 45 seconds worth and sent it to him.

About four hours later he sent me a text telling me never to record her semi nude again and has reported me to a solicitor who has "documented" the incident.

I am not on any social media and the video was only and would only ever be sent to him. When I was recording I didn't really notice that she had no knickers on. I was paying attention to her game and never directly focused on her lower half. Having watched it back there are about 9 seconds where you can see her vagina or bottom when she lifts her arms and her t shirt is pulled up.

I feel that he has over reacted and surely a simple message from him along the lines of " this makes me feel uncomfortable, please don't do it again" would have been suffice. I feel really hurt that he felt that this was necessary. There is no SS involvement with our family and I am not sure how to handle this when I speak to him tomorrow.

What do you think?

OP posts:
IdoHaveAName · 29/08/2017 10:37

I'm going against the grain here, but I would feel uncomfortable about my partner videoing my child naked. So, for that reason, I don't think he is being unreasonable.

LemonRedwood · 29/08/2017 10:45

The child wasn't naked though.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/08/2017 10:45

There have been several cases where this types of innocent pictures have got parents in to trouble.

It is also worth remembering the situation a couple of years ago where celebrity cloud storage was hacked and put on the internet.

Also phones that connect to wifi in public places can also be hacked.

So it is always worth being careful with what you do with these types of media.

Amber0685 · 29/08/2017 10:52

A sllicitor on a Bank Holiday Monday? I wouldn't worry, or bother sending him any more photos.

notapizzaeater · 29/08/2017 11:17

The guys mad.

I'd stop sending him videos and photos

Willow2017 · 29/08/2017 11:25

What the hell is wrong with people?

Seeing your child naked is now a bad thing?

(the child wasnt btw, she had a t shirt on it just rode up a bit )

eurochick · 29/08/2017 11:25

I suspect the solicitor friend 'documenting'this involved him rolling his eyes and putting it in the file marked 'crazy'.

YorkieDorkie · 29/08/2017 11:28

I definitely agree with PP. He's cut off his nose to spite his face because I was you, it would be the last photo or video he'd ever get from me. What a twat.

SandyY2K · 29/08/2017 11:29

I can absolutely see why you left him. His mind is in the gutter and like others have said, let that be the last picture or video you send him.

If he was sensible and genuinely concerned, he would have given you a call and said thanks for sending it and pointed out that DDs private parts were showing in the clip and to be careful next time just in case it gets into the wrong hands.

I'd be tempted to tell him that you hadn't noticed and just wanted to share that moment with him, however, if he has genuine concerns, he should report it to the police. What an idiot he is.

mindutopia · 29/08/2017 11:34

I would be much more concerned about the fact he send a private video of his daughter who was partially naked to a 'family friend'. If anyone is doing anything wrong, it's definitely him, though he probably doesn't see it that way.

I would just limit what you send him from now on. Personally, I've sent videos like that or a photo of our daughter in the bath to my dh millions of times when he has been away. It's not weird or inappropriate (assuming he is her father? You didn't say, but I'm guessing he is). It's not something I would share with anyone else, like I don't send them to my mum or other friends or family as I want to have control over private images like that. But between two parents, I think it's perfectly appropriate. If he has any concerns about privacy (as in, he's worried his phone could get stolen with that image on it), he can always just delete it. It sounds like he's just bullying you. I would just limit what you send him in the future if that's going to be his attitude. You've not done anything wrong.

timeisnotaline · 29/08/2017 13:14

I want the op to come back and say agree you can't reason with crazy, I have seen the light and as of today stopped sending him photos!

AmyGardner · 29/08/2017 13:21

Oh lord, MN and the vulva/vagina nonsense.

Everyone knows what we mean. Give it a rest! Strange biological superiority complex some people have.

Original poster
fadetoblack · 29/08/2017 13:23

Thanks for the responses everyone and I think those of you who have called out on the wrong terminology I used are right to do so. In this instance it is important as it is a completely different part of anatomy and changes the nature of what was actually filmed. (Love the phrase Bitch plopped though!)

I don't think that he has sent the video onto his friend, I think that he has just asked him to "document" that I sent the video.

As you say Sandy if he had responded in that way I would be absolutely fine. It's just that he has felt the need to make it into a drama when clearly it was meant to be a " oh look at Toddler Fade being so imaginative with her toys" moment.

OP posts:
histinyhandsarefrozen · 29/08/2017 13:24

This is genuinely staggering.

Here is a woman whose ex is a pig and will use anything to get her. I think we all agree on that.

But you want, you actually want her to continue to say she has taken photos where her daughters vagina can be seen rather than use the correct word.

Why on earth do you want her to do that?

histinyhandsarefrozen · 29/08/2017 13:26

X post, sorry op.

I hope the posts have been reassuring. You've done nothing wrong- except perhaps to bend over backwards for this guy who really sounds v nasty!

Don't be nice to him anymore!

Ninjakittysmells · 29/08/2017 13:31

Bloody hell! I often send ex dp videos of Ds so he can be involved (he is a nice guy though and lives abroad) he is nothing but grateful!

As the owner of a 5 year old boy, I'll be honest and say that if I can get him to put clothes on / put his willy away / stop talking about his bum or other people's it is a victory!

He has ruined it for himself, but at least you know now what you are up against.

AmyGardner · 29/08/2017 13:35

Because it doesn't matter? He's seen the video, he knows what is shows. How does it matter what actual word she uses with a bunch of internet random strangers? Confused

mrsRosaPimento · 29/08/2017 13:37

On holiday in Majorca a girl of about 8 went running into the sea naked. She was brown all over except where she'd been wearing bikini bottoms. Various toddlers and babies and women in bikinis showing under butt and topless on a public beach.
How is that okay if your child was in the privacy of her own home not be? Stop sending stuff to him, he's not right.

WiganPierre · 29/08/2017 13:40

Don't send him anything more. Chiming in to say there's nothing wrong with pictures of your toddlers with nothing on. It's innocent.

ptumbi · 29/08/2017 13:52

Oh lord, MN and the vulva/vagina nonsense. Everyone knows what we mean - but they don't 'know' what we mean, they can only READ what we SAY!

And if she is using a word which clearly means the camera would be INSIDE her daughter, that is ammunition in itself. Regardless of what she means! This is why we have 2 different words for it, so that we are clear what we Mean.

English language is great, isn't it?

HappylandToysEverywhere · 29/08/2017 13:59

SillyGoose I am utterly disgusted and gobsmacked!!!!!!!

Sounds like they were just looking for an excuse/reason to report you for some twisted reason and they pounced on the very first opportunity that arose!

Hope they never see your child again x

AmyGardner · 29/08/2017 14:40

Ptumbi now you're just being ludicrous. The OP clearly described the video in her first post! Unless I missed the part about her superglueing her phone to a speculum I think we can chalk this one up to the MN super-pedants.

user838383 · 29/08/2017 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeerGutAndTribal · 29/08/2017 15:47

My violent, abusive ex told his solicitor I was a paedophile, because I posted a pic of then 4mo DS's feet on Instagram - y'know, cute tiny baby feet, nothing more.

He had a completely bizarre fixation with everyone on Earth being a paedophile. He called the RSPCA when my DM took a pic of her small dog rolling onto his back, because his genitals were clearly visible, therefore she was an animal abuser Hmm.

Pay no heed to it, OP. He sounds every bit as odd and sexually fixated as my XP - that's not your problem, it's his. Just stop sending pics/videos so it doesn't also become your DD's problem in the future - he sounds like he's the type to manipulate and twist things.

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 15:51

OP your ex is a massive twat, who the hell sees a video of their toddler playing happily and instead of going "awwww" turns it into a "thing"?

Side note: what the fuck is bitch plopped? It sounds painful!