Something has just this second happened with Dp, I don't know how I feel (sex related)

[Azerothian]

I've just come upstairs, I'm actually shaking and crying but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.

And I'm really sorry but I have to describe certain sexual acts briefly or this post won't make sense (I've seen trigger warnings on here before but don't know how to do them, sorry)

I was downstairs with dp after just managing to get dc to sleep. He initiated sex and I was initially into it. During this time we did do anal sex and I agreed.

The dp went for a 'fag break' (it's actually an e-cig)

When he came back we started to have normal sex but then he wanted to do anal again. I said no because it was now sore.

He was behind me and kept trying.

I started to feel panicky and said no again twice and that I didn't want to. He carried on.

I completely froze, I've never felt anything like it. I wanted him to stop but I just didn't move. Didn't make any effort to push him off or get away. Just locked up.

He stopped and asked what the matter was an if I was ok after about a minute. I started shaking and crying.

He said sorry and that I had only said no quietly. I didn't answer and he said he was really sorry, now knew where the line was and would never do it again.

Then he said 'I'm not going to prison now am I? Was that rape?'

I just said 'don't worry I'm not going to call the police on you' and came upstairs.

I can see in my phone that he has text a few times saying 'I love you' while I've been writing this message.

One half of me wants to cuddle him and pretend it didn't happen, the other half feels like screaming and throwing him out and never looking at him again.

Am I overreacting? He says it's just a mistake but I feel so wrong about it.

Ps these are not the actions of a normal, loving guy.

Hes a rapist OP He heard you clear enough. No means no.

He is a despicable bastard for raping you and then for trying to turn it back on you.

Please call the police

If he was truly sorry, if he had truly misunderstood, he would not be trying to make you feel this way. He did this. Not you.

I honestly don't know anyone apart from my dm well enough that I'd call them at this hour and ask them round in this state.

It feels like a slap in the face. The person I thought he was would be crying, maybe leave to his mums or something, be apologising non stop once he realised. Not that that makes it ok but it'd show some kind of remorse.

A bit of a lukewarm apology, some sarcastic comments about the police and trying to tell me it isn't really rape if you don't finish. I can't believe it. I really can't actually process that this is it.

It's OK to say to the police you feel really conflicted - they'll understand. They deal with this all the time.

You're not weak and he's not a normal, loving guy.

He raped you, has spent two hours banging and slamming round the house (spooked the cat even), and is now sending almost threatening texts.

That's not normal.

Keep those texts Dont delete them.

Oh my god, those texts . Despicable! Please call someone and get him out of your house. I'm not surprised you can't process it yet, and you're not weak at all.

He is taking the piss out of you.
What a cunt, he is only thinking of him- not you. Please show him he can't get away with doing this too you. Call the police.

f I were you I would seriously consider if this is the type of person you want near your children and family

Had all that when we first broke up. He kept saying I was keeping him from the children when I'd offered pretty much everyday to organise when they could see him.

Then he said something inappropriate to our four year old 'along the lines of mummy won't let me come home' that upset her. He claims he didn't.

How awful :( you've had really good advice already but please do call police. Also SARC is a really good idea, thinking of you

Crowdo I don't think anyone is trying to pressurise the OP to do anything or creating drama. Calling the police (either 999 or 101) is absolutely not an inappropriate response to being raped.

Picture the future. If you do nothing, how do you move on from this? Do you let him convince you he made a mistake? Are things then expected to go back to normal? If the relationship continues, what happens the next time he wants sex?

I know you are in shock, and I perfectly understand being blamed and gaslighted and being made feel like you are over reacting.

I was also having sex the other day. It hurt, so I said "Stop"
my husband stopped immediately (even though we've done it before and it wasn't even my safe word)
because that's what decent people do. Not carry on when they KNOW the other person wants them to stop.

I'm so sorry. and Yes, since he's not even repentant I'd phone the police.

Oh yeah Crowdo, she's going to get a great night's sleep with texts like that coming in and feeling like she's only safe if she pushes drawers up against a locked door!

There is a lot of drama encouragement on Mumsnet, I will agree, but when someone's scared and upset, too scared to unlock their bedroom door in their own house after being raped, I don't think people are inciting drama!

Crowdo, she has gathered the children and the cat in their bedroom, and not only locked the door but pushed a heavy chest of drawers in front of it. In the middle of the night, while listening to atypical banging behaviour around the house from her partner who has just raped her. Does that sound like someone who feels safe?

He's banging cupboards. You've got posters on here trying to wind her up saying he's getting himself ready to bash the door in.

It's all very well cheering for more late night entertainment, but having the police come over with blues and twos, and all of the invasive and escalating consequences of that may not be something the OP wants to do right now.

She doesn't need thirty or forty posts ordering her around.

OP imagine your DD as a young woman in a relationship with a Man who did this to her... what would you tell her to do ?

The more I think about your post Crowdo the crosser I am. Really irresponsible, empathy-less thing to say to someone who is second guessing themselves after a rape. See how you feel in the morning after a good night's sleep dear?!

I think it's irresponsible to be up baying for blood on the internet when this is obviously a sensitive matter, which she may want to take her own time to think about.

Years ago i was having a ONS when PIV hurt (like razor blades) I told him it hurt. He immediately stopped. Because thats what decent men do and because he wasnt a rapist.

Crowdo are you the "D" P because someone who would do what he has done and make the comments he did to a 4 year old certainly wouldnt be above snooping at his partners tech to see what sites that she frequents.