Something has just this second happened with Dp, I don't know how I feel (sex related)

[Azerothian]

I've just come upstairs, I'm actually shaking and crying but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.

And I'm really sorry but I have to describe certain sexual acts briefly or this post won't make sense (I've seen trigger warnings on here before but don't know how to do them, sorry)

I was downstairs with dp after just managing to get dc to sleep. He initiated sex and I was initially into it. During this time we did do anal sex and I agreed.

The dp went for a 'fag break' (it's actually an e-cig)

When he came back we started to have normal sex but then he wanted to do anal again. I said no because it was now sore.

He was behind me and kept trying.

I started to feel panicky and said no again twice and that I didn't want to. He carried on.

I completely froze, I've never felt anything like it. I wanted him to stop but I just didn't move. Didn't make any effort to push him off or get away. Just locked up.

He stopped and asked what the matter was an if I was ok after about a minute. I started shaking and crying.

He said sorry and that I had only said no quietly. I didn't answer and he said he was really sorry, now knew where the line was and would never do it again.

Then he said 'I'm not going to prison now am I? Was that rape?'

I just said 'don't worry I'm not going to call the police on you' and came upstairs.

I can see in my phone that he has text a few times saying 'I love you' while I've been writing this message.

One half of me wants to cuddle him and pretend it didn't happen, the other half feels like screaming and throwing him out and never looking at him again.

Am I overreacting? He says it's just a mistake but I feel so wrong about it.

Don't forget the "I can't live without you, I might as well kill myself".

Threats of suicide are very common in the making you feel guilty and responsible so you go back to him.

I see the rape apologist is back... "despite all that happened" .. sheesh!

Good advice re non molestation order. He is going to try and turn up at some point.
You don't necessarily have to involve the police if you are still thinking about things....but they will arrest if there is an order in place.

Someone from womens aid or rape crisis can help you do this, or a lawyer. They will sort it with the court .

Here is a link
www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/how-to-apply

Just to look at, no pressure, you are in control of what you want to do remember that x

I must admit that it didn't even occur to me I could do that. I will definitely take a good look. Thank you!

Oh FFS sake is he still here?

RAPE APOLOGISTS NOT WELCOME

Azero there's the sound of that hoover firing up. It is depressing knowing what's coming but at least you know it's coming. That gives you some advantage as at least it won't be a shock. Decent people don't behave like this, it's scant consolation when you're going through it but it does reinforce your knowledge of what he is and that you've done everything right.

LastSummer

How dare you come back after everything you've said? How dare you patronise the OP and every other rape survivor on this thread with your forked tongued "doing amazingly well", as if two days ago you weren't telling her to love and understand her rapist, and not to report the crime because of the humiliation SHE would suffer? How absolutely fucking DARE YOU?

GET LOST. You are not wanted here. We see you. You think that with a bit of clumsy, forked tongued patter, you'll establish yourself as a Nice Guy and we'll listen to you when you try to tell recently raped women to reward their attackers? And that being disturbed by them at 2am after the crime is merely 'intrusive'?

You think we don't see through you? You are a wolf in sheep's clothing (and a shitty Poundshop disguise at that), and you may fool others but you do not fool us. We see you. And you are NOT WELCOME HERE.

GET LOST.

Oh and get ready to be accused of cheating (even though you were isolated). And only being with him to bleed him dry (even if you paid for everything). And being a terrible mother who doesn't deserve children (but he of course will happily have them living with you and not take any real responsibility himself). Sigh...

@coco2303

I can't remember if I said it here or on another thread, but in case it was another one...remember the advice given in The Exorcist:

"Especially important is the warning to avoid conversations with the demon... He is a liar. The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, Damien, and powerful. So don't listen to him. Remember that - do not listen."

This goes for LastSummer's forked tongue as well.

X post with Yorick, that was for you Azero

I'm not going to say what I really think to you LastSummer because it will just upset me and I have things to do. And it would undoubtedly 'break talk guidelines', plus I get the feeling that a woman shaking, in tears and with raised blood pressure trying to articulate how completely shit you are wouldn't be all that displeasing to you, otherwise why would you still be here in this space when it's been made clear that actual, real rape survivors don't want you to be. Please read what Yorick has said above. She is right.

Yes, I imagine things will go down hill fairly rapidly once he realises that the 'hoover' won't work.

You did use that quote in here Yorick, I've memorised it now as it's so true

Just rtft and wanted to add my support too.

And to agree with pp regarding the 'I'm sorrys' the begging pleading minimizing gaslighting abusers game!
The meaningless' 'please I'll do anything' but actually respect your request for no further contact'

Sending strength

LastSummer obviously thinks that if he makes a post that is seemingly decent, we will fall for the Nice Guy act, repent of our ways, see the light and absorb his wise words.

It is almost funny that he fucked it up so badly. His idea of a seemingly supportive and decent post involves patronising the OP, empathising with the rapist's feelings and describing a rapist disturbing his victim at 2am as 'intrusive'.

See, LastSummer, this is why you can't pull this off. You're so far removed from actually wanting to support women and rape victims that you don't even know what you SHOULD be doing for your camouflage. Just fuck off back to an MRA website. You're like a chameleon attempting to hide in a tree while turning into a neon pink 'WANKER' sign. It's not working. Give up and piss off.

Bertie's post is genius. Perfect analogy.

I think you missed 33 pages or so, Rosabug?

Last summer, he may think he loves her but violent sexual crimes are not the acts of a man in love. Issues around power, control and sexual gratification are in no way to be confused with affection. His potential lack of awareness of his own significant criminal issues are in no way anything that the OP needs to engage with at any time of the day or night.

Wow Bertie. Your post is so interesting.
Thought provoking.
I've always felt my first husband never really liked women. Course that was well hidden till we were ensconced with a family.
.
Oh do you know. It hurts to think. It makes me sad . Maybe I'm better just drawing a line under in it.

Thankfully my second husband isn't like that. We are very happy and my exh did me a favour.

Azero, stay strong. They. Are some lovely men out there. It's not going to be easy but omg when you come out the other side, it's amazing.

You've got a lot of support here 😀

YY Yorick he's like Bertie's analogy in action. We're women, therefore a different class of human and so stupid we will immediately be taken in by his clever ruse and immediately bow down to his superior knowledge, welcoming him and his rape apologising now dressed up as concern with welcome arms. Because what do we know? We should be grateful for his scraps of wisdom tossed to us like a bone, no?

Sorry, Azero, you shouldn't be having to deal with this. Hope the pathetic twat behaviour is just giving you something to giggle at.

Ugh, did you see his post saying he would be there to support OP? It was like being invited in to see some puppies by Freddie Krueger.

LastSummer I would ask are you for real but unfortunately I think you are. Please go away and stop upsetting a rape victim or do you get some sick satisfaction out of doing it (and again I think you probably do)

rosabug - you are another rape apologist - now go away.

I wish I could say more but I would get banned for life.

Oh Lou.
Yes, he raped you.

I'd be calling him more than wanker!

Are you going to block him again?

I'm not horrified by calling it rape now. I'm horrified by it, but I think naming it (which without this thread it is doubtful I would have done) is what got me up, out and moving.

It was rape. It doesn't matter how much he ever tries to minimise it (I'm almost certain his family will join in too) it did happen. The marvellous blue sky centre assured me it was too.

And I've almost completely shut up that inner voice that says I must have an audacity to call it rape because he was my partner and I had consented previously, thanks to you (and your reactions to certain contributors)

On a more positive note I've just gone and got a new stereo, a lovely fancy one that will play my ever increasing iTunes library.

It's even got the dc's movie songs on.

Another thing I hadn't noticed. I'd stopped listening to any music that wasn't to his taste, he'd throw a disgusted look when I used to put mine on.

I did get a bit tearful when ds and dd started dancing along. We've never done that.