Something has just this second happened with Dp, I don't know how I feel (sex related)

[Azerothian]

I've just come upstairs, I'm actually shaking and crying but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.

And I'm really sorry but I have to describe certain sexual acts briefly or this post won't make sense (I've seen trigger warnings on here before but don't know how to do them, sorry)

I was downstairs with dp after just managing to get dc to sleep. He initiated sex and I was initially into it. During this time we did do anal sex and I agreed.

The dp went for a 'fag break' (it's actually an e-cig)

When he came back we started to have normal sex but then he wanted to do anal again. I said no because it was now sore.

He was behind me and kept trying.

I started to feel panicky and said no again twice and that I didn't want to. He carried on.

I completely froze, I've never felt anything like it. I wanted him to stop but I just didn't move. Didn't make any effort to push him off or get away. Just locked up.

He stopped and asked what the matter was an if I was ok after about a minute. I started shaking and crying.

He said sorry and that I had only said no quietly. I didn't answer and he said he was really sorry, now knew where the line was and would never do it again.

Then he said 'I'm not going to prison now am I? Was that rape?'

I just said 'don't worry I'm not going to call the police on you' and came upstairs.

I can see in my phone that he has text a few times saying 'I love you' while I've been writing this message.

One half of me wants to cuddle him and pretend it didn't happen, the other half feels like screaming and throwing him out and never looking at him again.

Am I overreacting? He says it's just a mistake but I feel so wrong about it.

Azerothian, you're doing so well. One step at a time. . .

OP don't listen to Lastsummer whatsoever, shocking advice. You're amazing, I'm in awe of you, truly. It won't feel like it right now but you're so strong. What you've done today is exactly what I wish I'd done. I'm willing you on every step of the way. Your parents are diamonds and I wish I'd let mine help me xxx

Wow op 💪

Please ignore LastSummer - hopefully MNHQ removes that kind of vile, dangerous advice. No wonder women are scared to report rape with that kind of nonsense!

Azero you are amazing. Stay strong.

Lastsummer what a fuckwit you are.

Azerosmith. You are doing so so well. What a horrific situation.

Lastsummer, I am worried about you too. Your responses sound like you may be having or have had a very similar experience from a man you love., and have listened to his reasoning and allowed yourself to believe it. If any of this rings true please seek support and advice. Rape crisis, domestic violence. there are many support services out there that can help women make sense of situations they have been persuaded into believing are normal.

LastSummer seriously? This man is a rapist - you can never trust a rapist. Do you want the OP to go back and be raped again? This is not something you sweep under the carpet.

I am assuming you are very young and a complete nitwit - try growing up a little and living in the adult world

I was given a leaflet and I believe the receptionist (I keep calling her a receptionist but she was helping with the swabs so I don't think that's her real title) said she would make a referral to the ISVA.

Not long ago watched toy story with dd, amazingly she seems completely unfazed. She asked if daddy was staying at nanny's house again. I said yes and she said 'that's ok mummy'.

Azerothian just a message to say I am thinking of you

It's entirely up to you OP, although as others say you've got forensic evidence gathered within 24 hours and text messages from him that apologise and also admit that he heard you say no. I genuinely believe that this would be enough evidence to convince most jurors to find someone guilty. Without giving too much away I found myself in a similar position with someone five years ago, I chose not to take it further as I think it took me a long time to internally accept that what had happened over the previous two years was sexual assault. Look after yourself and sending love/ best wishes xxx

Was it a Clare's Law application you did? If so then it won't be long before you hear back, defo not 2 weeks - when I was in the domestic violence team (police) they were usually allocated to an officer the same day they're received.

I don't know if it was Clare's law or not. She called it information something. Basically it's not a full report to police but ex p's details will be passed on to them and they will be able to check for past reports or if anything happens in the future. That's how it was explained to me anyway.

Thank you

Azerothian have just read this thread and am so sorry this has happened to you. You are an amazingly strong woman. You will get through this.

LastSummer is a man who clearly is a rape apologist and should educate himself before he offers such damaging and dangerous advice .

Just wanted to say how brave and strong you are being OP. And I think it must've taken a hell of a lot of guts to post on here straight after the incident.

Your head is all over the place because, as others have said, you are in shock. You have experienced a trauma that was horrific and will have huge implications both for what you thought your relationship was and your future family life. That is a huge load of things to get your head around.

You are doing amazing. Stay strong. You are absolutely in the right in this situation as many of the lovely posters have assured you. It's normal to doubt yourself when your brain doesn't know which way is up. Be kind to yourself an d allow yourself to receive support from those around you.

Well done OP. It sounds like an awful situation and you've done brilliantly. Your children are very lucky to have you as their mum.

x.

dont know what to say nothing seems appropriate-you are brave never doubt that

as for clares law it only shows up things thyv been reported for doesnt mean hes never done it before though even if it comes back clear

I had a feeling that if I didn't get it out somewhere quickly that it would just be so easy (well not easy but easily done) to push it under the rug. I was confused and have posted on here before, so I know the advice could be trusted 99% of the time.

Don't do anything about contact- if he really wants to see the dc he'll try go through court.... but I wouldn't be letting that rapist scum anywhere near you dd at all

Don't do anything about contact- if he really wants to see the dc he'll try go through court.... but I wouldn't be letting that rapist scum anywhere near you dd at all

This ^^ And if he goes through court he risks exposure when you give your testimony. (and your evidence) You have the power now.

OP that's what I mean about being brave to post immediately afterwards. In the back of your mind you knew exactly what it was that had happened and by posting straight up on here you (consciously or not) were actually making a decision to not allow yourself to be talked down by him or persuaded into minimising what happened. If that makes sense?

You made a huge (and the right decision) by posting this so quickly.

Azerothian
I have no advice really but wanted to say how extremely strong you are and how proud you should be of yourself for being so strong

Hope you start to feel better soon. Just wanted to offer a hand hold

OP, I'm sorrier than I can express that you've been put through this, but you've been incredible.
Also as pp have said -
don't do anything about contact- if he really wants to see the dc he'll try go through court.... but I wouldn't be letting that rapist scum anywhere near you or your dd at all.

OP you're an inspiration

OP I wish I had the words to convey just how amazing you have been

Don't go back to your house alone for now, will you? If you need to collect clothes or the cat anything else, get friends/family to go for you or at least with you.