Something has just this second happened with Dp, I don't know how I feel (sex related)

[Azerothian]

I've just come upstairs, I'm actually shaking and crying but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.

And I'm really sorry but I have to describe certain sexual acts briefly or this post won't make sense (I've seen trigger warnings on here before but don't know how to do them, sorry)

I was downstairs with dp after just managing to get dc to sleep. He initiated sex and I was initially into it. During this time we did do anal sex and I agreed.

The dp went for a 'fag break' (it's actually an e-cig)

When he came back we started to have normal sex but then he wanted to do anal again. I said no because it was now sore.

He was behind me and kept trying.

I started to feel panicky and said no again twice and that I didn't want to. He carried on.

I completely froze, I've never felt anything like it. I wanted him to stop but I just didn't move. Didn't make any effort to push him off or get away. Just locked up.

He stopped and asked what the matter was an if I was ok after about a minute. I started shaking and crying.

He said sorry and that I had only said no quietly. I didn't answer and he said he was really sorry, now knew where the line was and would never do it again.

Then he said 'I'm not going to prison now am I? Was that rape?'

I just said 'don't worry I'm not going to call the police on you' and came upstairs.

I can see in my phone that he has text a few times saying 'I love you' while I've been writing this message.

One half of me wants to cuddle him and pretend it didn't happen, the other half feels like screaming and throwing him out and never looking at him again.

Am I overreacting? He says it's just a mistake but I feel so wrong about it.

And keep ALL his messages. The police will want them if you choose to take it further.

Well done op

I won't lie I say parked outside and thought about not going in.

I don't feel brave. Just stubbornly concentrating on one step.

Just waiting now for a call in two ish weeks to arrange a follow up with the clinic. As I understand it this was more the 'forensic' side or things and it's a more medical check next time.

There is a part of me that is wondering if he's doing this before. I know his ex left with their daughter quite suddenly and he talks about how evil and abusive she was. It was a bloody big red flag wasn't it?

Well done to you. You've made another step and it's a huge one. Look at how much you have done already!
You doing brilliantly.

I don't feel sorry for him.

I shocked myself earlier. I read one of the messages and didn't feel remotely sorry for him. I actually thought to myself 'you didn't care last night because you didn't think I'd ever tell anyone'.

You're - not you

OP, if you do decide to confide in your mum there's a chance she'll say you must have made a mistake, especially if she's fond of your partner. Try not to be hurt by this, or derailed. It's common for family and friends to find all of this difficult and they often react by minimising. It's nothing personal, just that it takes a while sometimes for some people to come up to speed and accept what's happened.

I do hope she'll be strong and right beside you, though.

I shocked myself earlier. I read one of the messages and didn't feel remotely sorry for him. I actually thought to myself 'you didn't care last night because you didn't think I'd ever tell anyone'.

Well done. He didn't think you would. You're doing brilliantly.

his messages are still all about him ..

you take care of yourself and your DD

OP, RTFT. Your bravery and turmoil shine through. Sending you "unmumsnetty" (((((hugs))))) and 💞

Well done OP, you are an amazing woman

Well done for keeping going OP. I hope you feel able to confide in your Mum. I also hope you feel able to report him to the police for raping you.

Well done at the clinic OP. You are doing incredibly well, you are brilliant.

Well done OP. Make sure you keep all of the messages, all of the ones through FB and texts. Print them off and put them in a file somewhere safe. Or print as PDFs and upload to Google drive where he can't access them. Then you have your evidence if you want it.

Do you have any contact with his ex and his DD?

You're doing great OP. Proud of you

What an abusive bastard. Well done op It does sound like he may well have done this before. If you do decide to go to the police they will be great with you and they'll take it extremely seriously. They're really cracking down on rape crimes at the minute and more and more are being prosecuted. Hugs to you xx

Just wanted to say I think you are doing amazingly. Also, your thread may be encouragement for others. Its great you are detailing your journey, gives you something tangible to refer back to. Keep offloading

You are doing amazingly well, you have done exactly the right thing and I'm so glad the centre were so positive and made you feel comfortable.

Well done Azero, I am in awe. I was raped in a nit dissimilar way and never found the strength to report it. Like yours it was a long term partner and he knew sex was off the cards but waited til I was asleep. I woke up with him on top of me and inside me. I froze initially a d then fought him off. Like with your rapist mine tried to claim it wasn't rape because we were a couple, I had let him. Into my bed, there was an expectation etc etc. I was a lot younger and was terrified. I was living hundreds of miles from friends and family and I had zero support. But I did leave himand I told him if he ever came bear me I would call the police e although I am not sure I would have had the strength tbh.

It has taken years for me to find the strength to speak out to people close to me. X well done for speaking out, you are incredibly brave, strong and inspiring. Good luck with the next steps.

I caught the start of this thread while doing the night feed .I've not really got anything useful to add but I think you've done amazingly well. So glad to read that you have been to the center. Extremely brave

Well done OP, you are being really strong.

On another note, I would keep all the emails/FB messages/he sends as they could be evidence against him if you do decide to take it further.

Was going to say good luck with your appointment but realised you've already been. I'm so glad it wasn't as bad as you thought.

You're spot on about the messages from him, he didn't care last night (even sending a sarcastic message); he was and is just shitting himself. I highly doubt he's suddenly deeply repentant, someone capable of crossing THAT line is a man with a vital component missing.

And people like that can be so good at approximating a 'normal' emotional response as well as taking advantage of the fact that most of us are programmed to want to give the benefit of the doubt when we're involved and invested. It's only when you really take a step back and think about it that the cracks are obvious, the total lack of real empathy. He has every reason to want things back to normal and I'm sure will use every technique he can. I'm just so full of respect for how you're dealing with this.

You may well be right about how ex too.

Big big hugs

I've RTFT (and name changed as have been through and still going through similar and a lot like other pp) just wanted to say that you are one amazing, strong, courageous woman

Your strength inspires me to build myself up and take action etc

Hope you (and the kids) will be safe as I can only imagine the next few days are going to get stranger (with all the bombarding of messages etc) x