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Original poster

Is he trying to get rid of me & I'm making a fool of myself?

148 replies

Artemisi · 17/08/2017 20:17

I met this guy I really hit it off with. I just met him out of the blue, in a bookstore. We got talking and we ended up talking for hours right there and then. He cajoled me into going out for a coffee with him. It was amazing. He asked for my number, we texted back and forth, and he asked me to let him know when I’m next free. I told him Friday. He texted back immediately “that should be great. What sort of time do you have in mind?” I replied that I’m free on Friday from 2pm. That was Tuesday. Since then he’s not been in touch.

Was he just pretending to be interested in me? (I’m kinda insecure).

OP posts:
ovenchips · 18/08/2017 09:17

Texts are not 100% guaranteed to be received. Hasn't that happened to you before? Has certainly happened to me.

If this man was as nice as you say he was, surely it's worth one quick 'Are we still on for meeting up on Friday?' text?

It's also better for you. If he answers that - great, if he doesn't well the odds of not receiving two texts are much lower. Either way you have resolution, which currently you very much do not.

Forget the notions mentioned here of disrespect and dignity (which are covers for hurt feelings anyway) about sending ONE text that will give your an answer either way.

Original poster
Artemisi · 18/08/2017 09:30

OK, so yes, I could send him another text. That is called chasing him. And it's not a crime to chase people up for an answer about stuff.

However, I believe that if people want to do something/see someone or whatever they will make the tiny bit of effort it takes to communicate and lock in plans. And if they don't, it means they don't think that thing or person is really worth the effort. By texting him AGAIN, I'm essentially saying: "Hey, I see that you can't really be arsed to confirm plans either way but I'm desperate and waiting here for you to get back to me."

OP posts:
Original poster
Artemisi · 18/08/2017 09:32

True, he said should be good, not definitely on. Eff this. Too flakey by half.

OP posts:
JennyHolzersGhost · 18/08/2017 09:33

I don't think that's the message it sends - the FIRST time it happens. If it happens again then yes he's flakey and chasing him would look a bit desperate.
The message it sends to double-text him the first time it happens is 'hey are you legit or what because I'm not putting up with this crap'.

SparklyMagpie · 18/08/2017 09:34

Hmmm i'd have sent one more text, he could be being ignorant but a whole lot of other explanations too.

But your decision an hopefully it's the right one

pinkyredrose · 18/08/2017 09:35

Christ just text him! Stop reading so much into it and get it over and done with!

gandalfspants · 18/08/2017 09:36

Text him. What have you got to lose?

When I was OLD I didn't receive a message from someone I was interested in for a few days, I was thinking they weren't interested. Eventually they did message - turns out my last reply hadn't sent. If they hadn't 'chased' me that would probably have been the end of that.

We're married with an 11 month old now - I'm really glad they dared to double message.

JennyHolzersGhost · 18/08/2017 09:36

But yes you're perfectly right to say eff this and not bother to contact him again. Neither is a bad strategy. Just depends how much benefit of the doubt you want to give him.

ovenchips · 18/08/2017 09:40

Ok so don't send him a text for the reasons you have constructed and be miserable and wondering what happened.

But as I said, one text can go AWOL, much less likely for two to do so. If there's no answer to second one then you can bin him off with certainty.

Did you read one of the posts about someone genuinely NOT receiving the text and the happy ending that ensued?Smile

EyeDrops · 18/08/2017 09:43

One follow-up text is not stalking, chasing or desperate. It's just confirmation. It sounds like you really hit it off when you met - I think it would be a huge shame not to give that one more chance. But, your decision of course.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 18/08/2017 09:44

I agree with you, OP. No need to text him again.

You have nothing to lose by NOT texting him. He'll always text again if there's been a mistake. But you have a lot to lose by setting things up now, right at the start, in a position of weakness.

buddhasbelly · 18/08/2017 09:44

I get the argument that a text might not have been received, but then as his last message was about meeting up, if the situation was reversed and he hadn't gotten the OP's response, if he was that interested would he not have msged to check too? (all other variables of lost phone aside...)

Of course that could turn into a never ending cycle of games, this is confusing, just text then you know!

debbs77 · 18/08/2017 09:44

This conversation is STILL going on?????

AlpacasPackOwls · 18/08/2017 09:46

What if he has replied but you haven't received the reply? What if he never received your last text? Perhaps he's at the other end thinking 'how rude, she just suddenly stopped replying but I refuse to check the situation'

rjay123 · 18/08/2017 09:47

Fuck me - why are you making this so difficult? You say you aren't playing games... so what is the whole "well I text him last" all about.

Grow up.

guestofclanmackenzie · 18/08/2017 09:48

I would also text him. You have nothing to lose and you certainly won't lose your dignity etc by sending one last casual text asking if the date is still going ahead.

If you then get radio silence then you have your answer and you can move on.

AtSea1979 · 18/08/2017 09:57

I would also text him but I guess it all depends on your perspective. Whether you hit it off with blokes regularly. To me this would be something totally out of the blue and one I'd make an effort for.

Original poster
Artemisi · 18/08/2017 09:58

If I was to send one last text, what would I say?

As for previous message going astray, I doubt it. We've been communicating via WhatsApp and it shows you when or if the message has been read.

OP posts:
AlpacasPackOwls · 18/08/2017 10:03

Oh, well if it's WhatsApp then I take back what I said. You said you were texting so there is a chance he didn't get it or you didn't get the reply. But that doesn't happen with WhatsApp.

I wouldn't reply as you know he's read it. Balls in his court. Just leave it.

AtSea1979 · 18/08/2017 10:15

I would message along lines of "do you still want to meet?"

Original poster
Artemisi · 18/08/2017 10:27

I've now sent one last do you still want to meet up later text. No reply.

OP posts:
Wilburissomepig · 18/08/2017 10:34

I think you're overthinking. Not everything has to be about games and 'he said she said'. If you want to see him ask him, if not don't bother and forget about it.

debbs77 · 18/08/2017 10:41

Does it show he has actually read it on WhatsApp and he isn't replying?

Original poster
Artemisi · 18/08/2017 10:44

The previous text from a few days ago is showing as read. The follow up text I just sent today, not read yet.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 18/08/2017 11:01

I'd probably have sent the text too. But it wouldn't be the right thing to do. Now he'll either not reply or make a feeble excuse. Why bother with these unreliable time wasters.